While it is well known that small rock bands experience certain diffulculties in their first few years of existance, this band had problems that made all the other band's look like a walk in the park. (Not that that was something impressive in itself, but these problems were a real doozy.) Tejina, the idoru slash keyboardist, was a maho shojo who gave up on her abilities from the get-go. Although she had a pleasant time with the Darkverse warrior who had stopped by one afternoon to tell her that they had a secret plan to take over the world, (one that did not involve destroying her), she had chucked the henshin pen a talking cat had give her into a desk drawer and had promptly forgotten about it. Kireiko, the guitarist, who had spent his formative years in America, was the son of shinto devil hunters turned cost accountants who were cursed by an evil Oni, who stated that their first-born son would be a half Oni, and have all the problems associated from that sort of thing. When tentacles and sharp teeth kicked at puberty, his parents came up with ofuda, that while keeping the transformations at bay, affected his vision. After some trial and error, he quickly learned that placing them on his back did the trick, so he ended up with the things sewn into every shirt he owned. Matsuro, the drummer, was a loner who was plagued by rather annoying visions involving lots of gore, and his mother handing him some kick-ass sword before telling him that he was to go to Tokyo to meet his destiny. Of course, this was before she herself contributed to the gore. He knew that someday he would have to go to Tokyo, but he hoped to stay as far away from the Tokyo Tower as possible. Their gig problem was solved when Tejina, on one of her infamous shopping sprees, ran into one Becky, an exchange student who just happened to be a climb up the walls anime freak. Becky, in her infinite wisdom, suggested that the band, who changed names on a daily basis, take up a super-hero motif. Though this was somewhat disturbing to Tejina, she quickly grabbed the idea, knowing that it would get the band a gig. (Albeit a small one. But a gig nonetheless.) After some disagreement, (a microwave was thrown at one point), the band reluctantly took up the motif, and in doing so, became..... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ DO-GOODERS The Proactive Teen Superhero Team With No X Anywhere In Their Title A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic Episode Two: The First Gig! What Can Go Wrong Now? By Ash. (Do-Gooders Created By Stefan Gagne, 1998) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "It's my turn!" said a black-robed hooded cultist, who sat hunched in a darkened chamber that was eerily lit in a manner similar to a badly lit indoor swimming pool. That is, if indoor swimming pools had blue and purple gels over the lights. On the walls of the chamber, maddeningly enscribed writing shifted into even more hard to read forms every five seconds. Off in the distance, sounds of throaty croaking muttered in the shadows. The wateriness of the lighting accentuated inhuman shadows that skittered across the walls. "No! You already had two turns." said another cultist, who happened to be sitting next to the first. Off to the side, another one sat drinking a bottle of Dr. Pepper. All three were staring intently at a dim light that cast even more shadows across their hooded visages. "Ahhhh...... come on, Brother Tachi." replied the first, clasping his hands as if begging for whatever it was he wanted. "No. I haven't had a chance to do this because you and Brother Maynard have been hogging the computer all day." The three glared at each other for a moment, and returned their intent gazes to the computer monitor. On a pale pink background the words "The Love Calculator" formed as Netscape backed up to a previous screen. "Ahhh man!" said the cultist. "Ahem." ahem'd yet another black-robed, and hooded cultist. The three cultists jumped to attention, knocking their chairs back as they did so. Brother Maynard, who had been drinking the Dr. Pepper, spat out syrupy soda outwards in a wide spray. "Oh your Eminance! What brings you down here to the lowest depths?" chorused the three cultists, bowing as they did so. "I see. And why are you not doing the tasks assigned you? Great Cthulhu would be most.... displeased." said the most eminate one. "Y-your greatness, may-the-Great-One-bless-thy-every-footstep! We are doing our small, yet somewhat insignifigant part for the cause." pleaded Brother Tachi, who was now on his knees. "And what... work might this be?" replied the eminate one in a voice that was so cold that it would have caused ice to shatter from the frigidity. "To find a bride for Great Cthulhu, long may he Rule!" said Brothers Tachi and Maynard, who were slowly inching away from the computer station. The eminate one nearly facefaulted when he heard that. Quickly regaining his composure in such a way that no one could tell that he had actually lost it, he walked over to the computer. "How, may I ask," he said pausing for dramatic effect, and to catch his breath momentarly, "are you going about that task?" "Why through the use of this miraculous oracle." said Brother Tachi, who ushered the eminate one in front of the small computer workstation. Stting down, the most eminate hooded one looked at the screen, and saw two text boxes. One of them had been filled with the name 'Great Cthulhu' and the other was blank. "Just how does this... oracle work?" he asked after staring intently at the screen for five minutes. "Just type in the name of a woman." replied the as-yet unamed cultist. A hood turned. The impression of an arched eyebrow was communicated silently and invisibly from the hood. The hood returned to a posiion where it was facing the monitor. Raising a pair of ancient, gnarled hands that ended on each finger with long, curled nails, he brought them together and cracked his knuckles. A shudder passed through the room. Placing fingers he typed, 'Jodi Foster'. And then sat there for another five minutes. "What do I do now?" he asked. Brother Tachi fearfully reached in, and carefully placing his hand on the mouse, dragged it over to a button that read, 'Calculate Now!', and pushed the left button. They waited for the computer to load up the response. When it finally came up, the jaws of all four cultists dropped. This is what was on the screen; Love Calculator results These are the results of the calculations by Dr. Love. Great Cthulhu <3 Jodi Foster 99% Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Great Cthulhu and Jodi Foster has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc. After a period of silence that would have driven mimes to sing pop music, someone finally spoke. "Master, that's --Astounding--! That's the most successful match we've seen today!" The master pondered this. "It is? ....Fascinating. Perhaps now is the time to prepare for the Great One's return." Then Brother Maynard spoke. "Master, may I be frank?" "No. You're already earnest. Speak your mind." Brother Maynard blinked a few times before continuing. "Well Master, The last time the Great One awoke, he either used one of his children, or fashioned a form to walk the Earth." The master nodded. "Yes, and your point?" "Well, when Great Cthulhu last awoke, his earthly form was destroyed by a boat. Now if he were to do something like that today, Godzilla or Gamera might show up and ruin everything." replied Brother Maynard. "That is all true. I trust that you have an idea?" It was Maynard's turn to nod. "Find another form for an avatar. This is Japan, so the local supernatural wildlife might make a suitable host. Like, say, a kappa, or an oni. Or even a half oni if worst comes to worst. Then the preparations can be made, and we can present the great one with a suitable bride." "That's brilliant!" shouted the master, jumping out of the chair, banging his knees in the process. "You three are in charge of finding the avatar. In the meantime, I shall begin the final preparations. Ia! Ia Cthulhu Ftaugn!" checking his knees to see that they were still working, the most eminate one left. With a noticable limp to boot. "Ia. Ia Cthulhu Ftaugn." chanted the three cultists half-heartedly. Three sweat drops formed by their heads, which made quite a strange sight, with all those hoods and all. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Nemesis Serendipity Villyn was smiling. No, make that grinning maniacally. A grin that would make even the most mentally insane run screaming in total, stark terror. In fact, his lower intestinal tract was contemplating throttling him because of it. Rubbing his hands together, he sneered. A collective sigh a of relief was heard. "Now, my faceless minions. Are we ready to go out and lay waste to some do-gooder super-heroes?" "I guess so." "Maybe." "I need to go to the bathroom. May I be excused?" Villyn could not believe this. Dissension in the ranks already? It was unthinkable. He frowned. "SILENCE!" he roared, pounding his fist on the coffee table, spilling his faceless minion's Dr. Peppers. "Remember how much I'm paying you for this?" "YES, YOUR EVILNESS!!!! HOW MANY MUST WE KILL?" shouted the faceless minions. "That's much better. Now, each of you step forward, one at a time, please, and recieve your talismans of power and great subterfuge." said Villyn, pulling a small paper grocery sack from behind the sofa. The first minion stepped up to the plate. Reaching into the sack, Villyn pulled out a paper lunch bag with two eyeholes punched out. The minion looked at the item that had been proferred him, and said "Umm... right. Wot's this s'posed ta be?" a glare from aVillyn derailed that train of thought. "Oh, right. Wossname, thingy, ah I am honoured by this boon, great and mighty Villyn, long may you reign?" Villyn nodded. "That's better. Minion number one, I bequeath unto thee the hood of anonymity. Wear it proudly, from henceforth hereout, you are the UNKNOWN MINION!!!!" The Unknown Minion mimed his thanks, and placing the paper bag over his head, went as far away as he could from Villyn without actually leaving the room. "Next!!!" Number two stood up and walked over. She stood there in front of Villyn with a look of confusion and derision on her face. Villyn placed a 'Hello Kitty' mask in her hands. "Take this, oh my faithful minion, this talisman of feline ferocity. Go out and destroy thine ememies with impunity, Konichiwa Neko-chan!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!" Villyn continued to laugh maniacally for a good five minutes. "Dad, could you keep it down? I can't hear myself think when you laugh like that." said Villyn's daughter Aki, who was standing in the doorway. She was holding a hand up to her head as if she had a headache. Which she probably did, with all that loud laughter. "Aki, why aren't you doing your homework?" Villyn asked, clearly annoyed at the intrusion of his daughter into his secret society of evil meeting. Why it made his exquisite armour rust when he thought about how his daughter had continued to adamantly refuse to follow him in the career path of evil. "Done before we went to the PTA meeting." she replied, rolling her eyes at what she was seeing in utter disbelief. "What about that letter of apology you were dead set on writing?" "Posted it fifteen minutes ago." Villyn let out a deep breath. Placing his right pinky up to the edge of his mouth, he smiled, Dr. Evil style. "Now, is there anything else you have to say before I tell you to run along and do whatever it is that you non-evil people do?" Running a hand through her hair, she nodded. "Yes. I called Becky from the the Shooting Star anime club and told her you were going to attack the band tonight." Villyn blinked. The faceless minions gasped in disbelief. Continuing the pointless Dr. Evil pinky bit, he asked. "And what, pray tell, was her reaction? Hmm?" "She was all for it. In fact she asked me to tell you not to attack until after the band has played a song or two." "I... see. Was there.... anything else I should know?" he asked, steepling his fingers. "Yes, the show starts at eight." said Aki, before turning and leaving his sight. Villyn shrugged, and the went back to his evil ceremony. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * At precisely 7:45 PM, the Do-Gooders had finished setting up their equipment, and were preparing for the sound check. It was about then that Becky showed up. She ran up to them ecstatically, giggling as she did so. "HIHI TEJ! I'm so glad you could make it!" she said giggling between words. "Though I do wish you'd hire me. WOW! I just luuuuuuuuuuvvv your costumes boys! They're so, so, so--" "Cheap?" said Matsuro blandly. Becky shrieked with annoyingly shrill laughter. "Oh, that's rich! No, I was going to say, oh so tres' chic. I love them!" Tejina stared daggers at the dangerously bubbly gaijin. Becky puched herself in the head and stuck her tongue out. "Oops! My bad. Becky, that fuku is sooooooo kawaiiiiiii on you. I didn't realize you could get such an authentic Sailor Senshi costume!" Laughing nervously, Tejina said, "You'd be surprised at what you don't know about me." she began to nervously scratch the back of her head. "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!!! I just love your shades, Kireiko! May see them?" asked Becky, her face zoomong in up close to Kireiko's. "Umm... sure." he said nervously, pulling them off and handing the sunglasses to Becky. "Sugoi! They're those new Ray-Bans that came out before I left America." She said as she turned them around in her hands. Sliding the sunglasses on her face, she lit up like the rising sun of Japan. "Ohh... this is just so COOL!" they've got night vision lenses! Here," she said, returning them to Kireiko. "Thanks! Oh, by the way, before I forget, there's something I gotta tell ya." "What's that?" asked Matsuro in a very flat monotone. "Aki Villyn called me, and said that her dad is bringing some thugs-- or were they goons? Well anyway, Aki's dad is going to attack you guys during the show. Isn't that so CoooooOoOl?" "Oh joy." said Tejina. "Why are you so excited about this? Some psycho is going to try and kill us, and you think it's the greatest thing since South Park came out on Comedy Central." "If the fight looks good, you get a bonus." replied Becky, flashing a 'V' for victory with her left hand. Tejina considered this for a split second. "Deal." Squealing even louder with delight, Becky shook Tejina's hand. "Good! Thank you Tej! You're such a GOOD freind!" she turned to leave, and remembered something. "Matsuro, ditch the cape. You look better without it. Lot's of manga heroes have uniforms as their costumes. All you need now is some sort of prop, like a big sword or something." Matsuro turned noticeably paler than usual. He felt that strange tingling sensation, as if he were about to have another one of those damned visions, but it quickly passed. Although he did have a queasy feeling in his stomach, like he had eaten a bad cup ramen. But he quickly shook it off. "Oh well. Maybe next time. I'll see you after the show!" said Becky, waving as she walked off to help club members set up folding chairs for the concert. Matsuro and Kireiko looked at Tejina with intent to kill. Tejina, sensing the hostility directed at her, quickly took control of the situation. Staring daggers right back at them, she said, "Look, how could I know that this would happen?" Silence. "Alright already. Let's just treat this like any other gig, and deal with anything as it comes up. Is that alright with you two?" Nod, nod. "Okay. Then let's get this sound check over with." Shrugging, Matsuro ditched the cape. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Nemesis Villyn stood in the shadows. tonight he had added a caped to complete the ensemble that was his large, armoured form. "Boss, when do we attack?" asked the Unknown Minion, who slowly beginning to regret passing up on that opportunity to become a Dental Hygienist Assistant. Villyn slapped the Unknown Minion upside the head. "Silence, you stupid person you! Remember you are to to only call me, sir, Master, or Lord Villyn-sama! Are we clear? And Konichiwa Neko-chan, don't even think of calling me Susan." "Hai, Lord Villyn-sama." montoned the faceless minions. "Now," said Villyn, placing his pinky up beside his mouth. "I wish to stand here, look evil, and listen to this band before I DESTROY THEM UTTERLY!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" The faceless minions sweatdropped in embarrassment. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 8 o'clock came. Tickets were purchased. Seats were filled. The spot outside the high school gym was filled with teenagers and otaku alike. The air was filled with the cacophony that always accompanied large groups of people who stood (or sat), around in one spot while waiting for something. The spotlights came on, and the band stepped out and took their places. Shouts and cheers rang out from the crowd. "I paid five hundred yen for this? I want my money back!" "ATTICA! We WaNt MuSiC! wE wAnT mUsIc! ATTICA!" "Start the show already!" "Who's that?" asked Tejina, pointing in the direction where the insane voice had come from. Matsuro looked out into the crowd. "Well, I'll be. It's Tanaka-kun. I don't remember him being so wierd, though." Icy daggers were stared in his direction. Holding his hands up in a 'don't hit me' manner, Matsuro replied, "I went to Furinkan for a few months." "Oh." said Kireiko and Tejina nodding in complete understanding. "Are you ready?" asked Tejina, adjusting her headset mike. Nod, nod. "Okay. Let's get ready to blow the roof off the gym!" "But we're outside of the gym." pointed out Kireiko. "Details, details." replied Tejina. Stepping into an area illuminated by a spotlight, Tejina raised a fist into the air, and shouted, "Hello Shooting Star Anime and paying guests! Welcome to the show! I'm uh... Sailor Delight, yes that's it, on drums behind me is Bishonen Guy--" Matsuro, now known as Bishonen Guy threw a drumstick at Tejina. Dodging the wooden projectile, she continued. "And next to me on guitar is--" "The Wild One." cut in Kireiko. "Right." said Tejina flatly. "Together, we're the Do-Gooders!" A roar waved its way through the crowd. "Hit it!" And so the Do-Gooders began their first gig as a super-hero team. Out in the shadows, Nemesis Serendipity Villyn, would-be conqueror, danced stiffly to the rockin' tune the Do-gooders played. Every so often, he would switch whatever pinky he had up against the edge of his mouth. In the crowd, Aki Villyn sat wondering just what fool action her father was planning to do. Shaking her head sorrowfully for a moment while cursing those oh- so-vicious organising principles of the universe who had saddled her with such a father. She also thanked her lucky stars that she didn't get a seat anywhere near that screaming maniac. Listening to the music, she smiled. They were GOOD. As the Do-Gooders went into their second song, which, true to form for them, was called, 'Spank My Pig', one of the faceless minions spoke up. "Ano... Sir? Shouldn't we begin our merciless attack now?" Villyn held up a pinky. "Just a minute. I'm enjoying this... groovy music. I wish to dance for a minute longer." He then placed the back of the pinky to his mouth, and danced to the music for a minute. Then, as The Wild One (nee' Kireiko), went into a seven minute guitar solo, he stopped his dance. "I'm ready. Come. Let us damage their audio system. Follow me like the children of the night you know yourselves to be." With a dramatic swish of his cape, he slunk off into the shadows, satisfied in the knowledge that tonight would begin the path towards world domination. Five minutes into the guitar solo, the guitar died a horrible, painful death as the amp was destroyed by a faceless minion. Silence streaked through, and after waving a pair of fans, left. A spotlight was abrubtly jerked away from Tejina (now known as Sailor Delight), and cast upon the evil visage of Nemesis Serendipity Villyn! Standing in place for a minute to allow his cape flutter about dramatically, he raised a pinky to his mouth and said, "Greetings, Do-Gooders. I am... Villyn! I, andmyfacelessminions--" he paused for the evilness of it all. "Will bring your pathetic dogoodingness to an end!" In the crowd, Aki Villyn buried her face in her hands and chanted a mantra, of which the following was a part; "Oh kamis, please don't let him embarrass me or ruin my prom!" Sailor Delight let out a sigh of disbelief. Shaking her head in disbelief, she said, "You have got to be kidding me. Do you realise that you're embarrassing your poor daughter with this, this stupidity?" Villyn twisted his pinky against his mouth. "So what? I do not expect a non- evil person such as yourself would have understanding of the whole process of evilness. But, because you have decried my evil crusahde, I shall have to make sure you will die a... most, unpleasant death. DEFENESTRATE THEM, MY FACELESS MINIONS!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted, pointing evilly at the band. The faceless minions looked at Villyn with confusion for a moment. "ONE THOUSAND, SIX HUNDRED YEN!!!!" Hearing that, they raised their weapons, and with a cry of "Destroy the Do- Gooders!" they leapt into battle, screaming and waving their weapons evilly. The Wild One glared at them with malice in his heart. (How dare they ruin -MY- guitar solo. They will pay dearly for this offense!) he thought as he reached into his jacket, and after closing his eyes with a prayer for no tentacles, ripped out his shirt, tearing the ofuda into itty-bitty bits in the process. His eyes glowed a deep red, and his skin darkened to a similar hue. Two small horns poked their way out of his head, framing his forehead. Vicious fangs grew in his mouth, and his fingers extended into nasty claws. Looking down at himself, he saw that there were no tentacles, and smiled. With an evil yell, he leapt straight up into the air. Meanwhile, that strange tingling sensation returned to Matsuro. Like before, there was no accompaning vision, but the discomfort in his stomach grew. His belly began to extend, as a white strobing manefested itself. Doubling over in pain, he felt something jump into his hands. It was the hilt of a sword. As he pulled it out, the pain began to dissipate, until it had disappeared with the complete removal of the sword. Raising it up towards the darkened night sky a smile crossed his lips. It was an elaborate overdecorated, and way too long foil-like sword. On the blade were inscribed ancient runes, which read, 'Sword of Duality, no9 of 20. Collect Them All!' Walking away from the drum kit, he made a few experimental swipes in the air. Perfect. This Super-hero thing might not be all that bad after all. As for Tejina, well... * * * WHAT SORT OF ATTACK DOES TEJINA POSSESS? WILL KIREIKO ACTUALLY MANEFEST TENTACLES? WHY ARE THERE TWENTY SWORDS OF DUALITY? WHAT DOES AKI VILLYN THINK OF ALL THIS? WILL THE DO-GOODERS ACTUALLY GET TO FINISH THEIR GIG? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT TALKING CAT? OR THE DARKVERSE FOR THAT MANNER? WILL WORSHIPPERS OF CTHULHU MAKE KIREIKO AN AVATAR OF CTHULHU AND FORCE HIM TO MARRY JODI FOSTER? DOES HE EVEN CARE? WHY IS VILLYN DOING THAT DR.EVIL THING WITH HIS PINKY? HAVE THE VISIONS STOPPED BOTHERING MATSURO, OR WILL THEY STRIKE LIKE A LETHAL SNAKE WHEN HE LEAST EXPECTS IT? WILL THEY GET PAID? THAT'S UP TO YOU, AVATAR. (Do-Gooders Created By Stefan Gagne, 1998)