Stefan Gagne's DO-GOODERS EPISODE 4: "Confused? A Conversation In The Basement" written by Bryan O'Malley, esq. "I still think 'Horse Fucker Gigantic' was a better name," Matsuro said sullenly. They were in Tejina's basement / rehearsal room, discussing last night's successful (?) show. The mood was generally pretty good; Matsuro was always a pissant, so Tejina wasn't worried. "I think the Do-Gooders have arrived," she objected. "Have we ever had such a great response in any other incarnation? No way!" Kireiko, for his part, was just finishing up a rousing cover of "Stairway to Heaven", off in his own little world. Tejina turned to him and glared threateningly. "Kireiko! What did you think of us as the Do-Gooders?" "Euhhh... pretty good?" Kireiko shrugged. "I dunno, I always think we kick ass." As if to demonstrate, he pulled off a snazzy little guitar lick. "I thought you guys were great!" gushed Becky, the obligatory gaijin. "You're all so uniquely individual, and yet somehow reminiscent of... something." Ever since she'd first seen them in costume, Becky had occasionally gotten an odd look on her face, as if straining her mind to recall something. "It'll come to me," she shrugged. She was busy staring at a little red object as it blipped at her, and wasn't really paying much attention to the band members at all. "Becky, what the heck is that thing? You've been totally absorbed in it all day," Tejina remarked. She was busy combing out her hair, currently in a cute little blue bob. It being a Sunday morning, the members of the Do-Gooders (and their gaijin friend) were dressed in casual clothes. Tejina in an oh-so- slightly skanky miniskirt, Kireiko in the usual leather and jeans, and Matsuro in... uh, his not-so-casual school uniform. Becky blinked up at her. "It's a Gameboy. I'm playing Pokemon. Haven't you ever heard of it? It's been, like, the biggest craze in Japan for the past two years." "Pokemon?" Tejina shook her head. "I thought video games were for boys..." Kireiko paused, mid-solo, and piped in, "Pokemon? Didn't it cause a bunch of kids to freak out last year or something?" Becky fairly tore out her hair. "Don't you guys know *anything* about Japanese pop culture?" She herself was decked out in a Pokemon baseball cap, a Ranma 1/2 T-shirt, and even cute little Sailor Moon socks. It would disgust all but the most hardcore American dickhead. Matsuro shook his head, muttering something about otaku. Tejina looked blank. Kireiko said, "Well, you're the one who's studying culture. I mean, why *would* we know anything?" "You guys LIVE here!" Becky said. "You're missing out on everything! Don't you ever open your eyes?" She spun around, looking for something, anything, to prove her point. "Look!" she said, flipping on the TV. The TV was currently showing an episode of Pokemon. The four stared into it, bewildered. Becky gesticulated wildly, shrieking, "Look! This stuff is on TV all the time! It's on billboards and commercials and there are toys and video games and everything! Don't you see? Don't you *know*???" "It's a kiddy cartoon, Becky," said Tejina patronizingly. (If I were another author, Pikachu, on screen, would do a super lightning attack and all of the viewers would go into sudden epileptic seizures. Be glad I'm not.) Fortunately, just then, the phone rang. Everyone snapped out of their Pokemon-induced trance and sluggishly looked around for a phone. It being Tejina's house, she was the first to find it (buried under a pile of Becky's unsorted anime copies). She picked up the receiver, chirped "Moshi moshi?", and heard "I have my eye on you, Do-Gooders." Tejina blinked several times in rapid succession. "I know who you are," the voice said, slow and deep, "and I know where you live." There was something darned familiar about that voice -- and the eeriest thing was, she could hear her own voice, singing in the background. It had to be one of their demo tapes. But who...? "Who is this?" Tejina asked confusedly. If this were anime, you would be able to see the drop on her head. "You know who I am," the voice said smugly. The song continued to play in the background -- was it "Slice of Love"? "Ehh... no, I don't," Tejina returned. The voice made a low grumble. "Damn. Alright, who's next?" There was the sound of pages flipping, like a phone book, and then the mysterious caller hung up. Tejina turned around and looked at the others. "Who was it?" asked Becky perkily, looking up from her GameBoy. "I don't know," Tejina replied. "But he said something about the Do-Gooders." "What about us?" Matsuro asked, suddenly standing. His large luminous thick-lashed eyes were particularly intense at this moment. Tejina hmphed. "So it's *us* now, is it? A minute ago you still wanted to be in Horse Fucker Gigantic. And, well, he said he knew who we were, and where we lived, but I don't think he was telling the truth. In fact, it sounded like he'd been just calling people at random and saying the same thing." "Who would do that?" Becky asked, stupified. Nobody could tell if she was stupified from the idea, or from playing Pokemon for way too long. "Maybe it was that evil psycho nutcase," Matsuro interjected ironically. "From last night. What did he call himself?" "I don't remember," Tejina replied, puzzled. "Did he even say?" "I don't think so," said Kireiko. "But he sicced all those minions on us. Then he took one of our demo tapes and vanished mysteriously into the night." Tejina giggled. "He made our first gig as the Do-Gooders a complete success, then. I'll thank him before we pummel his sorry villain ass into oblivion." "It would be a good thing," Matsuro began dramatically, "to find out who this demented being is, and strike him before he can strike us." Illustrating the point, he struck an angry fist into a frightened palm. Becky looked up from her game and threw in her two cents. "Remember, guys, you're not just a super-team. You're a *band*, too. So if you're gonna start a campaign of justice against this evil guy, you have to put on concerts while you're at it." "That sounds like a stupid, conveniently concocted idea, Becky. But I love it!" Tejina cried. "We have to find some more gigs -- maybe even a record producer." "But how are we going to do that?" Matsuro asked flatly. How indeed? Be damned if I'm gonna answer that.