--------Begin Fic Here--------------Do Not Eat------------

                        DO-GOODERS
              Original Concept by Stefan Gagne

     Episode 15 - Festival! Why So Many Uninvited Guests?
          by David H. Siegel [dhs28@columbia.edu]

Saturday mornings are generally a time for sleep, especially for those who
are still recovering from an all nighter comprised of a supernatural
battle and its aftermath. ESPECIALLY if said aftermath involved a certain
purple dinosaur.

Generally, of course, does not mean always. In fact, generally means NEVER
if your band is performing at a festival on that day.

This is why Tejina, sometimes known as Sailor Delight, champion of justice
and vocal lead for the Do-Gooders, Tokyo's newest rock almost-sensation,
was already out of bed at the time when her younger brother would come to
pester her out (Of course he wasn't coming that day, it was Saturday, and
the little worm was able to sleep late). Luckily for her, her preparation
for the gig was easy: just get dressed and grab her transformation stick
and keyboard. Her sailor form had no need for makeup, and the festival was
providing the set-up. Even better, they were all meeting at the usual
place (her basement) before heading out to Suzuhara Park. This gave her
plenty of time to get ready.

Of course, things don't work that way.

She was halfway through her shower (and almost done with her a capella
version of "Roast in Hell, Mommy")(Kireiko had said it was a great title
for their song about teenage love. Becky had just giggled.) when the
doorbell rang.

She was just rinsing her hair, and winding up "Rape the Walrus", when
Matsuro started threatening to chop down her front door if she wouldn't
let them in.

She managed to get to the door just before the sword did.
Unfortunately, neither her clothes nor a towel made it down with her.

                 * * * * * * *

Once everyone had recovered from that incident, they gathered in the
basement to prepare for the gig. The whole band, including the newly
inducted bass player, had made it to Tejina's at a reasonable time, and
Rover and Daisy had insisted on being in on the "Pre-Battle Planning" as
they called it, or the "Talk before the gig", as everyone else did.

"So," Tejina said, now fully dressed, "We'll start off with something 
slower, like "Kill That Child", do a bunch of upbeat songs, and finish off
with, say, "Prosthetic Phallus Hat". Unless, of course...Hey! Becky!
What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Becky gasped through her laughter. "Nothing's wrong. I think
its a great set." She managed to flick away a tear before collapsing back
into hysterical gales of laughing. 

Kireiko nodded sagely. "Those are great songs. Good titles too. Funky
English titles. Great words. Good guitar solos, too."

Matsuro would probably have added something, but he was too involved with
watching the walls melt into mounds of quivering marmalade.

"Good, good," Tejina nodded as she spoke, stepping on Daisy's tail as soon
as she saw the cat's mouth about to open. "Becky, if the drumset and
Kireiko's amp are already at the park, lets just grab our stuff and go!"

And so they went, irritated cat and tired dog in tow.


                 * * * * * * *

Before the throne of the queen of the Darkverse, endless youma marched.

"Esjie. How do you intend to bring this many Youma across? We do not have
the power to do this as yet."

"Trust me, my Queen. While WE do not have enough power, a natural rift, a
large one, is due to open between here and the part of the human world
known as "Suzuhara Park". It is impossible to know how large, but I intend
to put as many youma through as possible." Esjie steepled his fingers.
"After the display is complete, we will proceed from here to our side of
the gate to await its opening."

"Do not fail me again, Esjie. You know what awaits those who fail."

From out of the ranks, "She says that, but none of us really know, do
we?" drifted to the ears of the queen and Esjie. In the blink of an eye,
nothing remained of an entire youma squadron but a drifting smell.

Languidly waving her still sparking hand, the queen pointed at the
swiftly-dissipating cloud. "That is what awaits. Only worse. With spikes."

Esjie nodded, nervously.


                 * * * * * * *

Aki, as she frequently did, awoke to her father's laughter, the evil
cackling piercing upward through the floor like a knife and stabbing
through her ears like an icepick wielded by a giant. She rolled over in
bed and tried to tuck her head under her pillow, but to no avail. Her
father was remarkably loud this morning, and...

"BWAHAHAHA!!! THIS IS THE DAY I WILL DESTROY THE DO-GOODERS
AND...and...and..and...OH! YES! COMPLETE PHASE TWO OF MY PLAN FOR WORLD
DOMINATION!!!"

"Right," though Aki, "Have to go thwart father's idiocy again. Still tired
from the last few days, she weakly rolled out of bed and pulled the cover
off of Charles' cage. "Come on, birdbrain, we'd better go soon."

"AKI!" Nemesis Serendipity Villyn roared from downstairs, "I'm off to
CONQUER THE WORLD. See you tonight, and please clean your room. It
wouldn't do for the daughter of the supreme dictator of Earth to have a
room that messy."

Aki didn't even dignify that with an answer, but did take the precaution
of waiting until the front door had slammed shut until she came down
herself, magical canary perched on her shoulder.

Another day, another silly plot from her father. Well, off to try and make
sure he doesn't make the family look TOO bad.

                 * * * * * * *

Macadamia nuts. You think you like them, you think they're tasty,  and
then you get a room full of them. After spending most of the night getting
rid of a few cubic meters of nuts, Keiko was dead tired.

Of course, today was also the day that the portal to the Darkverse would
open, providing her with access to bloodfilled Darkverse denizens. Even
better, the Do-Gooders were performing in the same place, meaning her
lovely Matsuro-chan would be there as well.

It was a good thing that her "be cool all the time" spell kept her from
looking as tired as she was. It just wouldn't do to run into Matsuro
looking like a girl who had just spent a night carrying bucket after
bucket of macadamia nuts from her workroom to the trash. It wouldn't do at
all.

Humming to herself, Keiko gathered up her cleaver, now oddly longer and
thinner, an odd sort of cross between a sword and a cleaver, a nice, clean
bloodbucket, and  a few copies of spells hastily copied from her tome, and
headed for the door.

It looked like a very nice day. Perfect for a festival.

                 * * * * * * *

The Do-Gooders strolled down the street, instruments in hand, talking
idly. Matsuro and Kireiko continued their now-constant verbal sparring,
Daisy and Rover droned on about the girls' duty and responsibility to the
Queen of the Crystal City, and Tejina and Becky simply ignored them.

Tejina wasn't wearing anything special, just a rather bland pair of pants
and an even blander shirt, but Becky was clad in a grey trenchcoat over
what looked to be an extremely businesslike, and extremely dark, suit.

"Why so dressed up, Becky? When we transform before the set, you'll be in
your sailor fuku anyway, so why bother?"

Becky gave Tejina a cold glance and firmly said, "I won't be
"transforming", Tejina. This is the type of attire approved for employees,
so this is what I'll be wearing."

Tejina stopped short, firmly planting her foot on Daisy, evoking a pained
yowl from the cat and stopping the whole group. "But Becky..."

"No buts, Tejina."

Tejina shrugged and resumed walking. Kireiko followed, as did Daisy
(though now a little farther back). Becky strode ahead, carriage erect and
eyes scanning all around her, trailed by Rover.

Matsuro, on the other hand...


                 * * * * * * *

Matsuro sighed as the ground turned translucent and wobbly. "I'm already
IN Tokyo, Mom. I've ALREADY joined the band and all that. Do you have
anything NEW to tell me?"

He then frowned in distaste as his mother's severed head spun rapidly in
midair, spraying him with blood. When it came to a stop, however, it began
to speak.

"You are the Chick, Matsuro; the Egg is the World", it said before
thumping to the ground and exploding into a thousand blood-soaked flowers
that silently rained down on Matsuro with the sound of paper ripping.

Matsuro sighed in resignation and ran through the hail of bloody petals to
catch up with the rest of the band.

                 * * * * * * *
In the park, the stage was fully set up, overhung by a large banner
proclaiming that "People Who Are Absolutely Not Evil. PRESENT The
Do-Gooders". A respectable crowd (in size, not social standing) had
already gathered in the large field.

As they ascended the stage, Tejina whispered to Kireiko "I see Villyn,
Keiko, and I think I see Aki all the way in the back. Can you pick anyone
else out?" He shook his head and they all took their places.

Tejina pulled her keyboard over her shoulder and picked up the microphone.
"HI EVERYBODY!" she shouted happily, "We're the Do-Gooders, and we'd like
to welcome you to this WONDERFUL festival! We've got a really great show
for you today! So everyone be good, and here's our first song, a little
number called Kill..."

At this moment, just before she gave the signal to Matsuro and Becky to
start up the beat, there was a flash of red, and at the edge of the
audience seating area, a huge portal opened, disgorging Esjie.

There was a moment of silence as Tejina stared across at the "Legitimate
Businessman". He then raised his hands and spoke. "Now, Do-Gooders! My
mighty youma army will destroy you!" As he dropped his arms, youma began
to pour out from the gate.

Unbeknowst to him, his declaration was observed from a sewer grate by a
pair of enormous, kawaii, obscenenely fish-like eyes. Brother Maynard
chose to hold back his legion of Hello Cthulhus until the moment was
right.

Nemesis Serendipity Villyn had not yet heard Esjie's announcement, his
ears filled with his Do-Gooders tape. Had to be psyched up for the
concert, of course.

Keiko licked her lips. "I wonder what HIS blood will do." she thought.

Aki buried her face in her hands, praying she wouldn't end the day in a
sailor fuku.

                 * * * * * * *

To Be Continued

WILL ESJIE TRIUMPH? WILL BECKY TRANSFORM? WILL AKI? WILL MATSURO
REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD? WILL KEIKO? WILL ROVER? WHEN WILL BROTHER MAYNARD
STRIKE? WILL KEIKO QUENCH HER DESIRE FOR BLOOD, OR WILL SHE JUST GET SNACK
FOOD? AM I RAMBLING? DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS MORNING? HAVE I
FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE DWARVES AND THEIR "FRIEND", OR AM I JUST LEAVING THEIR
ARRIVAL UP TO MR. DEBARTOLO? HOW LONG IS A WHURT? ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE
ABSOLUTELY NOT EVIL GOOD? ARE THEY EVIL? DO THEY EXIST? HUH?