DO-GOODERS

                 The Proactive Teen Superhero Team
                 With No X Anywhere In Their Title

               A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic
                 http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic


             Episode Seventeen :
           DarkVerse dating! The band finally gets to play!

           by Jonatan Streith (J_Streith@hotmail.com)

               Original story concept by Stefan Gagne


  NOTE: Any similarities with any youma, living, dead, or
otherwise, is purely intentional. Brother Maynard was harmed in
the production of this episode.

  Additional thanks to Yasha for prereading, suggestions and general
cheering on. Arigato!
-=-

  WHAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE: When we last saw our heroes (and our
non-heroes, too), the Do-gooders had been hired by People Who Are
Absolutely Not Evil (a subdivision of Tokyo, Legitimate Businessmen's
Club) to play at Suzuhara Park this Saturday. Before the band had a
chance to play, however, a dimensional rift opened up, disgorging a
ridiculous amount of third-rate youma. Also at the scene were Nemesis
Serendipity Villyn, along with his hired miniature legion of faceless
minions, who proved themselves to be even MORE worthless than his
previous minions, not an easy feat to accomplish. Keiko, the
pseudo-Satanist schoolgirl was also at the scene, hungering for
DarkBlood (tm). And now, as of this moment, the army of Hello Cthulus
have just entered the equation...
-=-

  The Hello Cthulus were marching.

  Aki ran up to the stage, where the Do-gooders were dispatching
of the last of the youmas. "Tejina! You have to stop those...
THINGS!"

  "Ah, but you can't," said Charles morosely. "We're all doomed. Oh
well..." Aki mutely grabbed the bird off her shoulder and glared at
him, nearly frying the bird to a crisp.

  The Hello Cthulus marched onwards.

  "CARDO SUWARU!" A blast of cut-up credit cards sliced one of
the few remaining youmas into ribbons. "What... oh." Tejina paled
at the sheer horror of the approaching monstrosities.

  The Hello Cthulus kept marching.

  "We can't just kill them!" Daisy injected from beside the stage.
"Those are transformed human beings!"

  Boy, were the Hello Cthulus marching.

  "So?" Tejina replied. "CHEKU BOUNCE!" The attack slammed into the
front row of the Hello Cthulus, with no results, except for wasting a
good bit of the special effects budget.

  Good thing the Hello Cthulus had started marching on the other
side of the field, or they'd have passed the stage by now.

  "Daisy is right. Besides, our attacks doesn't seem to do
anything..." a familiar voice said from the back of the stage.
Tejina spun around and was faced by a shocking sight.

  The Hello Cthulus... well, you get the picture.

  Becky was standing there. The suit, sunglasses and cold attitude,
however, were gone, and she was now wearing the extremely overdone
outfit of Sailor Rapture, complete with facial tattoos, two-tone
hair, fuku (Tejina noted with a frown that it was much more modest
than her own), and a peppy grin.

  "When did you..." Tejina shook her head. "Never mind. If we can't
kill them, then what are we going to do? DELIGHTFUL ACCOUNT
OVERDRAFT!" The expensive special effects flew forth and struck
the legion (for they were many), causing no damage whatsoever.

  The Hello Cthulus were getting close by now, stepping over the
audience or simply pushing them aside.

  "Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated!" one of the Hello
Cthulus shouted in a sing-song voice. "Anybody want to sing a song
with us?"

  "Suuuure," Sailor Rapture said, and turned to her friends. "Let's
give them something... nice." She picked up her bass. She then noticed
the dumbfounded looks on her friends' faces. "Look, just play, OK?
I've got a... hunch."

  Tejina stared at her transformed (in more ways than one) friend,
sighed, and went to set up her keyboard. Matsuro gave one of his
trademark shrugs and "whatever" and went over to his drum-set.
Kireiko, however, looked miffed.

  "Those bastards ruined my amplifier!" the half-oni whined,
uncharacteristically. "I can't play without an amp!"

  "Um, Kireiko..." Aki Villyn injected, from her semi-safe hiding
place backstage.

  "You can't play anyway." Matsuro coldly interjected.

  "Guys...?" Aki tried again.

  Kireiko aimed his dagger-vision (tm) at Matsuro. "You shut up,
sword boy! Why don't you go back to your mommy, little..."

  "Meanie!" Kireiko suddenly felt a heavy metal object painfully
impact on his head. He turned around to see Keiko glaring darkly at
him, hefting her Cleaver o' Doom (tm) in a menacing way. "Be glad I
only used the flat side!" With that, she stomped off to a corner of
the stage.

  "Kireiko?" Aki said, trying to get the guitarist oni's attention.

  "YES?!? What is it now?!? I'm busy!!!"

  Aki took a step back from the demonic snarl, and held up a cable.
"They only pulled the plug." She inserted the cable in a nearby
outlet, and the amplifier came to life with a hum. "See?"

  Kireiko facefaulted, nearly breaking the stage.

  "Riight..." he said after getting back on his feet, and grabbed
his guitar. "Let's rock." He brought down his claws in an
ear-shattering chord.
The Hello Cthulus were almost on the stage now, as...

  "Ladies, gentlemen, and monstrosities!" Tejina announced into the
microphone. "We are the Do-gooders, and we present a little piece
known as... 'Roast in hell, Mommy'!"
-=-

  The audience was wild. Although the battle was exciting, this was
why they had come, and they loved it. The fact that it was free
didn't bother them either. And now the band was going to crush
another army of monsters! The crowd agreed that it was too cool
for words.

  Villyn was wild. Partly because the music was good, and partly
because the youma had trampled his miniature legion, which meant he
didn't need to pay them either! He probably wouldn't get his
security deposit back from Temp Thug Inc., though.

  Yoi Maeda was NOT wild. He was livid as he stealthily made his
way around the area and towards the back of the stage. "Destroying
my army... it used to be just a mission, BUT NOW IT'S REVENGE!"
He then realized that it's hard to be stealthy if you're shouting,
and hid behind a bush.
-=-

  The Hello Cthulus halted just in front of the stage, as the wild
and exciting rhymes (which I'm not going to write, so you'll have
to imagine them yourselves) drifted over them and entered their
cutely deformed ears.

  Then they started twitching and squirming.

  Then they screamed.

  The legion of Hello Cthulu then proceeded to fall over in front
of the stage, roll around, kick and scream. The crowd (who had
taken the precaution to get out of the way) watched this with avid
interest. Hey, it was free.
-=-

  Brother Maynard gnashed his teeth (he seemed to have acquired a
huge amount of them). "dAMnAtiON! tHEy HaVe FOunD a WeaKNeSs!
tHEiR MuSic iS dEStRoYInG ThE VerY eSsENce Of hElLO CThuLU!
FoR THat, tHEy WilL pAy!"

  With that he flew off towards stage, Chthonic energy trailing
behind him.
-=-

  "...'and what I said was, Roast in hell, Mommy!'" Sailor Delight
sang, putting every ounce of energy and feeling into the words. She
had been relieved, and surprised, when the Hello Cthulus stopped
and fell over, and had she been a normal schoolgirl (instead of
being a Sailor Soldier who regularly fought against youmas, demons,
valkyries, Yakuza, and whatever new minions Villyn come up with),
she would have freaked out as dark cocoons sprung up around the
monsters. Fortunately, their music was loud enough to shut the
wailing out, or it would have been REALLY irritating.

  Right about the ending of the song, when Sailor Rapture leapt out
onto the front of the stage and did an improvised bass solo, the
cocoons ruptured, leaving behind dozens of confused college-aged
men and women wearing tattered black robes and confused expressions.
One of the cultists, a pale, unhealthy-looking boy with short hair
and glasses, got up on his feet, and addressed Tejina. "Uuh... do
you know where we are?"

  Tejina stared at the boy. "Uh... Suzuhara park. We're holding a
gig."

  "Really?" the boy replied, and thought for a while, lips moving.
"Weird... I had this bizarre feeling that there was something we
were supposed to do here... just can't figure out what." He turned
towards his fellow cultists, who shook their heads in equal
confusion. He turned back to the band. "Uh, gotta go now, lots of
stuff to do, plans for world domination to... I wasn't supposed to
say that. Damn." The boy turned and ambled off towards the nearest
sewer hole, fellow cultists in tow.

  "Good going, Tej!" Becky said, bring Tejina out of her fugue.
"We saved all those people from that evil power! Although they were
kinda cute, in a scary way..."

  "Innocent?" Kireiko said, putting on a spare ofuda-shirt. "Ouch!
Those were the bastards dad warned me about."

  Becky took on a confused look. "He did? Are they cheating on
their taxes or something?"

  Kireiko was about to make a scathing reply, when suddenly Keiko
burst out on the stage, holding a sack. "Ok, are there any
tentacles left?"

  "Tentacles?" Tejina asked.

  "You know, from the battle. Those horrible singing things. With
tentacles," she added helpfully.

  "Oh, there aren't any left," Becky beamed proudly, "we turned them
back into humans."

  "YOU WHAT?" Keiko looked like she was going to explode, and
radiated dark energy. "YOU WASTED DOZENS OF CTHULU MONSTERS BY
TURNING THEM INTO *HUMANS*? Do you realize how long I've been
looking for Cthuluite tentacles? Humans! Huh!" She turned her back
to them and started to walk away in an indignant fashion.

  "Keiko-san?" Matsuro said as politely as possible. In a second,
her indignance was gone, as she latched onto his arm in typical
fangirl fashion, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling cutely. (Of
course, the cuteness was a bit spoiled by her leather outfit. It
could be called many things, but cute was hardly one of them.)
"Ye-es, Matsuro-kun?"

  Matsuro suddenly felt nervous, not a common sensation for him.
"Uh.. I'd like to talk with you. I private, if you don't..."

  Keiko literally GLOWED with happiness. "Sure!" She took a firm
grip on his arm and promptly dragged him away.

  "So nice to see that Matsuro has such a heavily-armed fan," Sailor
Rapture said, smiling happily.

  "Huh?" Tejina replied, confused. "Becky, you're not making any
sense."

  "All I'm saying is--"

  "sO! yoU HaVe DefEaTEd mY ArmY, BuT YOu wiLl nOt LeaVE HerE AlIVe!
pAtHetIC DeFEndErS oF hUMaNitY, PRepArE fOr ThE mIGhT oF gREaT
CThUlU!!!"

  The three remaining band members looked up at the floating and
glowing man, who was cackling in a disgusting way. It fit properly
with the rest of his look, which was Late Spring cultist fashion,
including worn and dirty black robes and multi-jointed arms and
fingers.

  Kireiko scratched his head. "Uh... could you repeat that?"

  Weren't for the fact that Brother Maynard was a thoroughly evil
possessed not-quite-human being, he would have facefaulted at this
moment. As it was, he merely screamed "dIE!" and threw a ball of
chthonic dark energy at the group.

  "No way!" Becky suddenly leapt in front of her friends. "I, Sailor
Rapture, will make you regret that! FORM BLAZING SWORD!" With that,
she made a clutching motion over her tattoos, and pulled out a long,
impressive energy sword from her forehead. In the background, the
sound of the budget breaking could be heard. She then swung her
sword at the ball, batting it away. (Several minutes and miles away,
it impacted with a boy named Kenny, thus giving rise to yet another
variation of the oldest joke in fanfiction.)

  "So," Becky said, dropping into a relaxed battle stance, "shall
we... dance?" She grinned.
-=-

  Matsuro frowned as he tried to make himself comfortable on the
park bench. [Which is the best way to approach this?] he thought, as
he glanced at his company. He glared upwards at the flying cows in
lederhosen; they were beginning to irritate him.

  Keiko was smiling cutely at him from where she was sitting in a
bed of burning roses, wearing a black renaissance-style dress. Some
distance away, beyond the three blood-red rainbows, his mother was
being nailed upside-down to a tree by hobgoblins, and looking rather
cheerful as she did so. In the background, an orchestra of mimes that
wore the faces of the Beatles were mimicking playing soft background
music; they had been trying to play the 'Green Giant' jingle until
Keiko shot a few of them with some energy blasts.

  He cleared his throat. "Um, Keiko-san..."

  "Yee-es, Matsuro-kun?" she said in a saccharine voice. He noticed
that the flowerbed had somehow cleared the distance between them,
so that she was now looking up at him in a manner that made him
SERIOUSLY nervous. The fact that his vantage point let him look down
her dress didn't help either, not that he really complained.

  He cleared his throat again. "Uh, about that destiny..."

  "Yes? What about it?"

  "You heard it?" he asked hopefully.

  "Certainly!" she smiled cutely. "I can understand why your mother
wasn't allowed to tell you more than once, though. It's a REALLY
important destiny."

  Matsuro glanced towards the tree, where his mother was nodding in
agreement. Then the hobgoblins severed her head and replaced it with
a pumpkin. He looked back at Keiko, who had somehow, without him
noticing, crawled up in his lap. In the background, a huge thermometer
labeled 'Nervousmeter' appeared, and the red stuff in it raced upwards
and blew the top off.

  "Um, right. So, I'd like to hear it. I mean, it's important and
all that..." he said, wondering why he was so nervous. His normal
cool exterior didn't seem to work today.

  Keiko was about to reply when an evil thought snuck into her head.
Given that she always welcomed those, it got her immediate attention.
"Well... I'd love to tell you..." she said in a seductive voice. "I
really would... would you like to go on a date with me?"

  Matsuro nearly fell off the bench. "A.. a.. date?!?"

  "Mm-hm!!" Keiko said and nodded, pushing up her glasses (which had
stopped looking geeky on her some days ago) on her nose. "A date.
You know, a trip to the movies, a romantic dinner..." she trailed
off, grinning happily.

  In the distance, the severed head of Matsuro's mother was lividly
discussing stock rates with Jim Morrison, who was wearing a saffron
robe.

  A small part of Matsuro's mind was yelling that he should take the
chance, but it got overruled by his general stubbornness. "I can't.
I'm too busy to go on dates." [Besides], he thought, [if I would be
going on dates, it'd be with Tejina... right?]

  Keiko hmph'ed and looked away from him, taking in the scenery
around them. "Then maybe I'm too busy talking about people's
destinies..." she climbed out of his lap and got up.

  A bishop walked by, inspected their ears, and grinned, before
vanishing in a puff of logic.

  Matsuro boggled as he could see his destiny vanish in the long
grass, if he didn't do anything quick. "WAIT!" he got up and grabbed
hold of her, turning her around. "Ok, a date. Just dinner and a
movie, and then you tell me about my destiny. Ok?" he smiled
desperately.

  The romantic mood faded away, as the hallucination chose this
moment to stop and let reality return. Keiko's funky black dress
melted away, leaving her ordinary not-so-proper-for-a-young-lady
leather outfit behind. "Okay!" she said cutely. "I'll be fun!"

  Matsuro was about to reply, when the ground suddenly shook with a
BAM! sound. Also, it seemed to have gotten cloudy all of a sudden.
Keiko looked up. "Wow, that's the second largest robot I've ever
seen."
-=-

  Kireiko and Tejina stared as the newest member of the band leapt
out at the hovering man and brought her sword (which was qualifying
for the Weirdest Weapon Of the Week award) down in an arc. Brother
Maynard braced his arms in front of himself for protection.

  "Where did she get THAT?" Tejina asked, surprised. "She just
pulled it out of her head!"

  Kireiko smirked and carefully put down his guitar. "Lots of free
space in there... ow!" he put up his hands defensively. "Why didya
do that for?"

  Tejina lowered her keyboard. "Shut up, Kireiko."

  Meanwhile, Sailor Rapture had landed, holding her sword in generic
Samurai-movie fashion. Glowing energy played over the cultist,
marking where she had struck. He then shook off the glowing lines,
and laughed. "hA Ha HA! yOu ArE PaTHetIc! gREaT CtHuLU wILl FeaSt
oN YoUR--" Squish.

  A large, metallic foot had suddenly descended on the semi-Chthonic
disciple, stomping him/it flat.

  The three musicians looked at the foot. Then they looked up. A
huge mecha-style robot had suddenly appeared, seemingly out of
nowhere. This is not something that happens every day; at least not
to most people. The crowds considered themselves lucky, and had
retreated some distance to see if the Do-gooders were going to do
anything cool to it.

  Keiko and Matsuro walked in from the side. Keiko was smiling
evilly, but that was only natural for her. Matsuro frowned at the
robot and said, "Yeah, that's a giant robot, all right."

  Becky stared at the robot with little hearts in her eyes. "Wow!
What a cool robot! It looks kinda like Voltron..."

  In fact, it looked even more ridiculous than Voltron. It was
asymmetrical, with one leg longer than the other, odd weapons
inexpertly welded to the sides, and it was painted in eyewatering
colors. Up in the glassed-in dome head, four people could be seen
standing, and on the chest on the robot, attached in some kind of
indentation, was... oh god...

  "HAIL VILLYN!" the Blank Psychic boomed, his loud voice amplified
a dozen times. Tejina buried her face in her hands. Of course he'd
try something. She had thought he wouldn't this time, but of course
he did.

  "All right!" Villyn shouted, leaping in joy. His hired legions had
failed him, but he still had the loony goons left. "Now, push the
red button!"

  "WHAT WAS THAT, LORD VILLYN?" another voice boomed out; probably
one of the minions in the cockpit.

  "Push the red button!"

  "EH? THE GREEN THROTTLE?"

  "No, you idiots! THE RED BUTTON!" Villyn screamed at the top of
his voice.

  "RIGHT. THE BLUE LEVER. PULL THE BLUE LEVER!"

  "PULLED." a second voice said. "HEY, WHAT'S THIS NOTE SAY?"

  "YOU'RE HOLDING IT UPSIDE DOWN, IDIOT!" a third voice said. It had
a strange echoing effect.

  "RIGHT." the second voice said. "HMM. 'PULL TO ATTACK MAKER, THEN
GO BERSERK'. I WONDER WHAT THAT'S FOR."

  Suddenly the robot twitched, got up on it's toes, spun around
(further grinding Brother Maynard into the ground) and tried to
stomp Nemesis Serendipity Villyn.

  "No! NO! I'm your master! You must obey me! STOP!" This and other
similar comments were said by Villyn, as he ran like a man possessed.
Or more likely, a man pursued by a giant out-of-control robot.
He suddenly came to a halt as his foot got caught by a branch and
landed hard on the ground. Fortunately for Villyn's health, the robot
also tripped (on a tree, in it's case) and fell face-first into the
lake in the middle of the park.

  "That's what you get when you try to imitate Voltron! HA HA HA!"
Becky laughed, and noticed the stares her friends gave her. "Well,
EXCUSE me!"

  "Well, that was uneventful," Tejina stated to anyone who was
listening. "Are we going to play anything else?"

  "HELP!"

  "Sorry," Kireiko automatically replied, "I don't know that one."
-=-

  Over at the dimensional rift, Yoi Maeda was busy manhandling the
struggling and tied-up Aki Villyn. "This way, we'll get all of them
in one go!" he muttered. "And her Sailor energy will be useful in
the Queen's plans, whatever those are..."

  Aki finally managed to chew through the cheap gag over her mouth
and screamed "HELP!" in her best damsel-in-distress imitation. "DAD!"
  "Shut up!" He then turned towards the Do-gooders. "Come and get her
if you dare... MWA-HA-HA!" he laughed, and then frowned. "Villyn must
be rubbing off on me." He threw Aki through the rift and followed.
-=-

  "I tell ya, we're CLOSED! Get lost!"

  Damu was not having a good day. First he had had to close the bar,
the Dark'n'Drab bar and grill, which had been always open for five
millennia, because his wife had told him he'd make more money on this
'festival'. Then he'd found out that his worthless nephew, Ramu, was
coming along to 'help'. Then, almost no one had bought anything. The
only bright point of the day had been when three humans (albeit
STRANGE humans, but to Damu's knowledge anything sentient that
wasn't a youma, was a human. It wasn't as if he cared much.) had
showed up and decided to drink themselves into oblivion, although
they seemed to be more than halfway there when they showed up. Only
now they had apparently decided that they liked his booth so much,
they didn't want to let go of it.

  "Jus' one more, 'kay?" one of the short ones said.

  "NO!"

  "Buut... we paid for'em, din't we?" the other short figure said,
and tried to nudge his tall (well, tall-ER) companion, but accidentally
elbowed him in the gut instead. "Din't we, Elric?"

  "Yeah. I paid for seven rounds, and we haven't even gotten the
fifth." The tall-ER man got up and stared at the youma, who almost
stepped back from the look. The most frightening thing about the man
was that he didn't act at all like a man who had downed four
double-strength BlackBlood Brew in a row (that is, he wasn't dead,
passed out, or turned into a horrible monstrosity from beyond time
and space). In fact, he seemed to look more sober the more he drank.
The more reason to stop serving him; Damu didn't want to see him pass
through sobriety and come out on the other side. All he wanted was to
fold the booth up and haul his stuff back to the Dark'n'Drab where it
belonged.

  "Look here, fellas," he told the unsteady trio, "I need to go home.
And the portal is closing soon. And I don't want to stay here. Get
it? I have to go now. Look, I like a good drink now and then as much
as anyone else, but---"

  "We'll go with you, then." The first short one said, diplomatically.

  Damu was about to reply, when he caught himself. It couldn't hurt,
could it? "Ok, hang on if you like. You might as well make yourself
useful, 'cos I've got a lot of stuff to move." He bent over and picked
up one of the huge barrels, grunting slightly. "I don't suppose one of
you shorties could help Ramu with--" he stared as Dalin and Balin
easily lifted one of the huge barrels each. "Forget I asked. You
wouldn't be those Do-gooders, would you?"
  Balin looked at him strangely and took a few unsteady steps,
balancing the half-tonne barrel on his back. "Whu'? We ain't none of
those, we're 'nly here f'r the drinks."

  "Good musi', though." his companion said.

  Ramu suddenly got very excited. "The Do-gooders!"

  Damu shook his head. "They said it's not them."

  Ramu ignored him. "The Do-gooders!"

  Damu sighed. "Look kid, I tell you, it's--"

  Suddenly something cold pressed softly into his back. An unemotional
voice behind him said, "Stick 'em up, DarkVerse creep. And turn
around." He turned around to see a blonde girl in a black suit, with a
small but very nasty-looking gun trained on him. She was flanked by
some other teenagers, whom he recognized as the rest of the band, and
some dark-haired girl who looked scary enough to frighten the Queen.
She was nonchalantly swinging a huge cleaver around, and was clinging
to the arm of one of the boys.

  The blue-haired singer fixed him with a glare. "Are you one of those
monsters who steal energy from innocent humans?"

  Damu started to sweat profusely. "N-no, I'm just a bartender. See?"
He pointed to the sign of the booth. "All I'm interested in is making
money, ok?"

  "And he only steals when--" Ramu piped in, eager to help.

  Damu quickly put a hand over his nephew's mouth. "Ixnay on the
ealstay, kid..."

  Matsuro, on the other hand, was watching the dwarves as they came
staggering out of the rift. "What the hell are you two?"

  Dalin watched the figure through a cloud of alcohol. [Strange,] he
thought, [it seems to have two heads and four legs.] His vision
focused a bit. [Oh, just two humans being intimate.] "We're dwarves.
Pleased to meet'cha." Then he saw Matsuro's sword, and boggled. "Say,
it's that a Sword of Duality?"

  "Huh?" Matsuro asked, dumbfounded. "Yeah, it's the Sword of Duality.
How--"

  Dalin shook his friend excitedly. "Balin, Balin! It's here! IT'S
HERE!"

  "Huh?" Balin said, and tried to focus on his fellow dwarf. The fact
that he was moving back and forth quickly didn't help. "What? It's
here? Then we better hide before it sees us..."

  "The SWORD, dammit! The Sword of Duality! We don't have to eat any
Asgard Crispies!"

  Balin paled and looked around in fear. "Crispies? Where?!?" He then
saw the sword. "All right! Thank you sir, if you don't mind..." he then
made a drunken attempt to grab the sword. Matsuro responded by slicing
off one of the horns of his helmet. Keiko tried to look menacingly at
the dwarves, but it was hard, given that she was also awestruck over
Matsuro. 

  The menacing tableau was broken by Tejina. "MATSURO! Are you going
to stand there all day? This guy says the portal is closing any second
now!" Tejina glared at them. "It's Aki's life we're talking about
here!" Boy, did she sound impatient.

  Matsuro looked sheepish (well, his kind of sheepish, which was a
kind of cross between confused and bored), threw a glare at the
dwarves, and followed his friends. Keiko waved to them with her
cleaver before walking through the portal.

  Dalin frowned, feeling painfully sobered up. "Balin?"

  "Yes, Dalin?" Balin answered.

  "We'll have to get that sword, or it's cereal time."

  "Tell me about it. My mother made me eat those once..." he shivered,
and noticed without much interest a figure hobbling towards them.
"But do you really think the Valkyries are gonna get off our backs
just because we get one of the swords?"

  Dalin glared at his dwarven friend. "Boy, you're a real mood killer
today, aren't you? At least it'll buy us time. Besides, I don't see
another option."

  Their pale-skinned companion stuck his head through the shimmering
portal. "You guys still here?" he said, with as much emotion as if
he'd said 'The world's going to end and we'll all die and there's
nothing we can do about it.' "C'mon, we've got to get a table before
the rush--"

  Dalin interrupted him. "Sorry, but we have to leave. Job to do."

  Elric blinked a few times. "Oh. That sword business?"

  "Yeah," Balin replied, "we think we've got a lead on where one of
them are. Sorry."

  Elric shrugged. "See you around, I suppose." The edges of the portal
started to glow red. "Better go through now if you're going to, 'cos
it'll close soon." With that, he vanished through.

  The two dwarves looked at each other, and leapt through. A second
later, the portal vanished in a burst of rainbow light.
  Two seconds later, the hobbling form of Nemesis Serendipity Villyn
fell through the area the portal had occupied.
-=-

  The wet army of the loony goons (all five of them) approached their
leader with various expressions of confusion, fear, mania and vacancy.
Their honored leader appeared to be praying, sitting on the ground,
his head between the knees, and muttering the word 'Aki' over and over
again. The Bluefaced Black Shadow remembered that their Master had
used that name on the strange woman who occasionally was seen at their
Fortress of Evil. But why was their great Master praying to her? Then
it struck him; She must be a goddess, assisting their grand plans for
world domination! [Yes,] he thought, [that must be it!]

  Villyn noticed their presence, and looked up. "What are you doing
here, my minions? I thought you crashed the robot. Shouldn't you have
died?"

  "HA!" the Blank Psychic HA!'ed. "It takes more than that to finish
ME!"

  "Or me!" said the Bluefaced Black Shadow, hidden as he was in
ever-present shadows, and with his tie too tightly tied around his neck.

  "Or me!" said the first unknown minion (not to be confused with The
Unknown Minion, who was spending quality time in the hospital and
pledging an oath to avoid people called Villyn at any cost), who had yet
to make himself a name.

  "Or me!" agreed the second unknown minion, who also had yet to make
himself a name.

  "Or me." said Thrakkorzog? Thurston Dunne? Tharz-- not even the
reality-warping boy could pronounce his name.

  Villyn stared at the stage area, but his mind looked elsewhere.
"They took my Aki. My dear little Aki-chan." He shook his fist at the
sky, a look of rage on his face. "DAMN YOU, MAEDA!"

  The minions took a step backwards. "Master--" the Bluefaced Black
Shadow began.

  Villyn suddenly spun around on his heels, catching his loyal minions
off guard. "Men, we have work to do. To the hideout!"
-=-

  "So this is the DarkVerse." Tejina said, as the band and auxiliaries
stepped out of the portal. "Somehow, I thought it would look more
impressive."

  "Dull place." Matsuro commented. "No wonder they want to take over
Earth."

  Keiko nodded in agreement. "Even Hell's more exciting than this."
  Kireiko was going to add his two cents, but the last statement
confused him enough to make him shut up.

  And it was indeed a dull place. They were standing in a street,
lined with drab, ugly medieval-style buildings, with a heavy overtone
of gothic. The sky was covered with clouds, and a cold wind blew
over the group.

  "The DarkVerse..." Charles intoned from his perch on Rover's back.
"The very land reeks of its evil and sinfulness..."

  "Schmells more like yeschterday's garbage to me," Daisy added
helpfully. "Anyone got schome beer? I lef' all of it back in the park.."

  "Daisy, I'm ashamed of you!" Rover barked. "We're on a mission! How CAN
you think of drinking NOW?"

  Daisy fell over, drunkenly. "I've had a lots of practiche."

  Tejina glared at the bickering animals. "What are you guys doing here,
anyway? This place is dangerous!"

  Rover snorted. "Don't you think we know that, silly girl? We're your
advisors!"

  Charles nodded. "It's our job to keep you out of trouble."

  "I'm so reassured, hearing that from a little bird." Kireiko
sniggered. "What are you going to do, peck the youmas to death?"

  The bird looked insulted. "We advisor animals have special powers."

  "We do?" Daisy asked, and then hastily added, "Uh, yeah. Of course
we do. Heh.."

  Rover nodded. "Secret powers and abilities that we're only allowed to
use when most needed, so we can't show you."

  "Riiight." Kireiko said, voice dripping sarcasm.

  Tejina noticed that Becky had taken out a strange metal cylinder,
and was fiddling with something on it. "Becky, what's--"

  "On this assignment," Becky interrupted, "You will refer to me as
Agent BA-3. Got that?"

  Tejina backed up, SERIOUSLY scared of her friend's behavior.
[That's it, the first thing I'm doing when we get back is taking her to
a psychiatrist!] "Ok, Be.. BA-3. Whatever you say."

  "Good." BA-3 then turned to the youma bartender and his nephew, who
were lugging the last of their booth through the portal. "Gentlemen,
would you please look at this for a moment?" She put on a pair of
sunglasses.
  "Certainly, young lady." Damu said, as they lined up in front of the
strange item. "By the way, the Queen will probably be looking for you,
since you are our mortal enemies, and--"

  FLASH.

  The red light flared right into the faces of the two youmas, which
became strangely vacant.

  "You've never seen us before." agent BA-3 told the youmas in an
assertive voice. "We're just ordinary youmas who happen to look like
humans. You don't remember much from the park, except that you didn't
make much money, and you'd really like to just forget the mess and go
home." She then took off her glasses and put them in a pocket along
with the device.

  A couple of seconds went by, and then the bartender and despised
nephew blinked and regained normal expressions.

  Tejina nudged agent BA-3. "Nice trick, Be.. BA-3. Where did you get
a thing like that?"

  Agent BA-3 smiled coolly and replied, "I 'borrowed' it from my dad.
He keeps one by the door in case of door-to-door salesmen."

  "Ramu, you lazy fool!" Damu swore at the kid. "Get those barrels to
the bar sometime TODAY, dammit! That's my finest brand of BlackBlood
Brew in there!"

  Keiko perked up at this, drawing her attention from comparing the
ugly buildings of the DarkVerse to the ugly suburbs of Hell. She
sauntered over to the bartender with Matsuro in a vise-like grip.
"Did you say something about.. blood?"

  Damu turned around towards her and paled, all his (dark)blood
draining from his face, giving it an interesting light orange color.
"Argh! It's the Queen!!!" He took several steps back, before he
noticed the difference in age (and a few other details, now that he
looked.. the eyes were most prominent. For one thing, they weren't
glowing red) between his supreme ruler and the girl with the suddenly
confused expression in front of him. [Whoa... that's an uncanny
resemblance, all right.] "What did you say about blood, young lady?"

  "I asked YOU what you said about some black blood." Keiko replied.

  "Why, I was referring to those barrels of BlackBlood Brew.."

  "Made from the heart's blood of a DarkBeast of the DarkVerse," Ramu
helpfully piped in, "and mulled within a cauldron inscribed with the
sigils of Power. It gives--"

  "..those barrels that Ramu will carry to the bar NOW." The younger
youma quickly picked up a barrel and ran off as fast as possible. Damu
looked at the girl, who looked strangely.. human, for a youma. He then
remembered the fact that the Queen looked very human, and what had
happened to the last person who had made some nasty comments about it.

  "Sigils of Power?" Keiko asked, a predatory curiosity in her voice.
"So it's pretty powerful stuff, then?"

  Damu nodded proudly. "Not a drink for the weak of heart. Of course,
the clientele of the Dark'n'Drab bar isn't known for it's weak hearts.
So why..." he trailed off as the girl stared off into the sky, little
stars in her eyes and a happy grin on her face. Damu shrugged and
walked off with the last of his barrels.

  Matsuro bigsweated as Keiko turned around with a huge grin on her
face. The little stars in her eyes didn't calm any, either.
"Matsuuro-kun..." she purred, seductiveness cranked up high.

  Matsuro pulled at the collar of his ever-present school uniform. It
was, for some reason, very hard to breathe. "Uh.. yes, Keiko-san?"

  "How about that dinner you promised me?" [By tonight, he'll call me
Keiko-CHAN! OOHOHOHOHO!!!] she thought, excited.

  "Uh.. s.. sure, Keiko-san..." [Damn, where's a hallucination when
you need it?]

  "Great! I know just the place..." she took Matsuro's hand and walked
off along the street, to the general surprise of the rest of the
group.

  "Matsuro!" Tejina exclaimed. "Where do you think you're going?"

  "Eh.. on a date?" the bishonen boy stammered, before he was pulled
around a corner.

  "A date? NOW?" Tejina said, dumbfounded. "WHAT ABOUT AKI?" she shouted
after him.

  "Huh, always so irresponsible," Kireiko smugly said, making sure to
chalk up some points for himself. "Let's go get Aki, so we can get out
of here!" He started to wander off down the street.

  Tejina grabbed his arm. "We don't even have a clue where she is,
Kireiko..."

  "We do." Agent BA-3 gave them a superior smile and pulled out a small,
flat device, with a screen that displayed a blinking circle with an
arrow in it. She held it up for Tejina to see. "See? I planted a tracing
device on Aki before the gig, so now we can find her."

  Tejina blinked. "Huh? And exactly HOW did you know that Aki would be
kidnapped?"

  BA-3 looked unfazed. "I estimated a 63% chance of someone being
kidnapped by the DarkVerse, and an 87% chance of it being Aki."
  "And what if it hadn't been her?"

  BA-3 replied by walking over to Kireiko and stick her hand down his
shirt, causing him to yelp in surprise (and then grin evilly, as she dug
around inside his clothes). She then withdrew her hand, pulling out a
small battery-shaped object. "See?" she said triumphantly.

  "I guess it doesn't hurt to be prepared..." Tejina said, idly
wondering if her friend had put one on HER. [Probably,] she thought. [I
hope we still have the number to the doctor...] "so where is she?"

  BA-3 gazed intently at the device, turned around slowly, and pointed.
"Over... there!"

  The band members and their pets collectively turned and gazed the way
she pointed. The entire view was dominated by a huge gothic nightmare
of a palace. The disgusting architecture hurt their eyes, even at this
distance.

  Kireiko rolled his eyes. "I never would have guessed." 
-=-

  Meanwhile, in the Queen's throne room...

  ...Aki was bored. She was also tied to a chair and some weird woman
was babbling unimaginative insults at her. It felt uncomfortably like
school.

  [Funny,] she thought, [she looks a lot like Keiko.] The woman cackled
at her, and she winced. [Although Keiko's laughter is better.]

  "Why, if it isn't the Do-gooders' little friend!" The Queen's eyes
glittered as she taunted Aki ineffectively. "Where are your friends now?"

  Aki gave the Queen a bored look. "Who're YOU supposed to be?"

  "I'm your worst nightmare," the Queen replied in her scariest voice.

  Aki didn't look impressed. "What, are you going to spit bugs at me?"

  "I'm the Queen of the DarkVerse!" The Queen looked enraged. "And I'm
supposed to do the taunting here!"

  "The queen of this nuthouse? Good choice."

  "Go for it, my Queen." one of the room's guards cheered. "I know you
can do it." She fried the patronizing fool to ashes. Most of the youma
in the room chose this moment to sneak off towards the doors; The more
survivalistic of her court had chosen to stay home altogether, after
seeing the battle. They knew how their Queen behaved when she was
annoyed; trigger happy wasn't the word.

  She spun around and glared at her Supreme General. "You have done
well, Esjie. Now leave me."
  "But, my Queen, the Do-gooders..." Esjie stammered.

  "Did you not hear me, Esjie?" A small, glowing globe of fire appeared
over her hand. Esjie looked nervous, muttered a quick "Yes, my Queen"
and vanished in a rain of reports.

  "Gothic went out of style five years ago, you know." Aki interjected,
for some reason feeling left out.

  The Queen turned on her, looking ready to explode. "YOU!!! I'll
destroy you, and I'll destroy the Do-gooders, and then... I'LL TAKE
OVER THE WORLD!"

  "I'll introduce you to my dad some day." Aki said, grinning like a
maniac.

  "Your dad won't be able to save you now."

  "I don't expect him to. He doesn't care about me anyway."

  The Queen looked surprised. "He doesn't?"

  "No," Aki replied, tears forming in her eyes, "he was gone for most of
my childhood, and when he finally shows up, all he does is walk around
in a ridiculous armor and rant about taking over the world!"

  "There, there..." the Queen pulled out a hankie and dabbed at the
tears. "Parents are like that. My father was gone a lot too, when I was
a child. And my mother used to rant about taking over the world all the
time. Why, I remember when--"

  The two women stared at each other, and then the Queen turned away
with a sneer. "You are clever, Sailor Joy. No one's ever succeeded in
doing THAT to me in years. But I won't be fooled again!"

  Aki stared, utterly confused. [Done what?] "I'm not Sailor Joy!"

  The Queen blinked in typical anime fashion. "Yes, you are. It's
written all over you."

  "Well, I refuse to be! I'm not wearing a fuku if it's the last thing
I'll do!"

  "Excuse me if I don't take your word for it. It's too much of a--"

  A small noise was heard out in the hall, followed by a another one,
which was followed by yet another one. The Queen smiled at Aki. "Looks
like your friends have arrived, wouldn't you say?"

  Aki struggled futilely with her bonds. "And they're thrashing your
guards. Not so confident, eh?"

  "Don't be ridiculous. I removed most of the guards so that I can trap
the Do-gooders in here instead, leaving only some cannon fodder out in
the hall. THEN, I'LL HAVE THE WORLD!" she leaned back on her staff with
a happy smile on her face; it looked thoroughly out of place there.

  Suddenly Kireiko, without his shirt on, leapt into the room, followed
closely by Sailor Delight and Agent BA-3.

  "'Anybody wanna rumble?'" Kireiko pronounced.

  "Everybody freeze and drop their weapons." BA-3 intoned.

  Tejina's own announcement died on her lips as she looked over the
almost empty room. "Guys... there's no one here."

  "Yes there is!" Kireiko said, and pointed towards the Queen and her
prisoner. "Look! It's Aki and some strange woman!"

  The Queen fumed as she overheard. [Aargh! Not even my enemies gives me
any decent recognition!]

  As the Queen stared, the trio quickly walked up to Aki, who was
giggling uncontrollably for some reason, and untied her.

  "Are you all right?" Tejina asked, not noticing the fuming woman
behind her.

  "Y-yeah," Aki said, struggling to keep her laughter in.

  "Good." she now noticed the other woman. "Yes?"

  "Foolish humans!" she shrieked. "How dare you ignore me! I am the
Queen!"

  Kireiko suddenly popped up in front of her. "Really? I've got all your
records! Could I have your autograph?" He held out a small notepad
expectantly.

  Aki fell over, laughing uncontrollably.

  "I think she's referring to another queen, Kireiko." Tejina said, as
she tried to pull Aki to her feet. "What's so funny?"

  "ENOUGH!" the Queen shouted, and a wall of fire sprang up in front of
the Do-gooders, cutting off their escape. "Dark General Malaise, appear
before me!"

  Ticker tape sprayed over the band (minus one drummer, plus one 
Sailor-not-wannabe), and a man? woman?, holding a remote control and a
bowl of popcorn, appeared. "Yes, my Queen?" he/she said, dropping the
items. Greasy popcorn sprayed over the floor.

  "Malaise! Capture the Do-gooders!" she pointed at the group, just to
make sure.

  Malaise followed her finger and yelped a bit, since she (he?) hadn't
noticed the band's presence at first. "What, right now?"

  The Queen facefaulted, and got back up. "Yes! Now!"

  Malaise sighed deeply, and made a funky gesture at the band. Black
ticker tape flew out of nowhere and tied them up.

  "What the...?" Kireiko said, with all the brilliance of a half-oni
mind. "It takes more than paper to hold me back!" With that, he ripped
out of the ticker tape and lunged at Malaise, who barely managed to step
out of the way.

  "WAAH! Nice human! Nice human!" Malaise shouted, backing into a wall.
The soothing sounds were, however, wasted on Kireiko, as he advanced
towards the cornered General, raised his deadly claws, and...

  ...had the lights punched out, as it turned out that the Queen's staff
actually made a very good mallet. "You're an embarrassment, Malaise. Do I
have to do everything myself?"

  "Yes, my Queen!" Malaise whimpered. "I mean, no, my Queen! I mean..
uh.."

  "Clean up your mess, and get lost. And make sure to set up an
appointment with the torturer when you leave." she looked up at her
prisoners. "Guards!"

  Several semi-human youma piled into the room. "Yes, our Queen?" their
leader, a purple-skinned youma Sergeant asked.

  The Queen smiled wickedly. The guards instinctively looked for the
closest exit. "Ah, Sergeant. Take our.. guests to the dungeons. Make sure
they're safely locked up."

  The guards hustled (and in one case, dragged) the teenagers out of the
room, accompanied by the Queen's wicked laughter...
-=-

  "This is bad." Charles chirped. "Oh yes, this is real bad."

  "A blind fool could see that, Charles," Daisy commented, sounding
frighteningly sober. "The question is, what are we going to do? What CAN
we do?"

  "We have to save them, of course. Isn't that part of our job?" Rover
said. "Now, I have a plan prepared." He looked at his companions,
expecting either of them to make a snide comment. To his surprise, they
were silent. "Ok, here's what we'll do..."
-=-

  Matsuro walked out of the Dark'n'Drab Bar, towing an enraged Keiko
Yamanaka behind him. She was currently making comments on the bartender,
his family, establishment, and innards. He wasn't sure he understood
some of the words she used. Some, he didn't WANT to understand.
  "Bastard! Pig! Tzr'g d'ka! Unholy son of a..." she shouted. "'I may be
a dark and evil scion of the DarkVerse, but I ain't serving minors!'" she
mimicked the bartender's voice. "I'm no minor! I'm at least 17!"

  Matsuro pulled her away from the bar, down the street. "Whatever. Why
would you want that... whatever it was, anyway? It looked kinda
dangerous."

  "Well, it looked like it'd make a powerful spell ingredient. You know,
it being really powerful youma blood and all."

  "Spell ingredient? You dabble in magic or something?"

  "Uh-huh! It's a fun hobby."

  "Cool."

  "Thanks!"

  They walked on in silence for a while, until Matsuro felt compelled to
add something to the conversation.

  "You know, Keiko-san..."

  "Yees, Matsuro-kun?" She automatically fluttered her eyelashes at him.

  "...you're a bit weird..."

  Keiko felt her heart shatter. [NO! He hates me! Why is life so cruel?]

  "...but I kinda like that."

  Keiko blinked. "Do.. do you really mean that, Matsuro?" she looked him
deep in his eyes.

  "Huh? Yeah. You're okay."

  "Thank you, Matsuro-kun." Keiko smiled on the outside, and latched on
to his arm. On the inside, however, she was cheering and celebrating.
With fireworks.

  They continued walking for a while, until Keiko caught sight of a sign.
"Let's go in here, Matsuro-kun!" she pulled him towards the entrance.

  "The Dark Horror Picture Show," he read from the sign. "Keiko-san, are
you sure this is a good idea? It sounds like a nasty place..."

  Keiko shook her head, and continued pulling. "Given that this is the
DarkVerse, it's probably a nice name, compared to other places."

  Inside, the movie theatre looked fairly normal. The floor was dirty and
tiled in an ugly chessboard pattern and a candy dispenser and a popcorn
machine stood next to the wall. Framed posters of celebrated movies
covered the walls: 'The thing that couldn't die', 'Horror from the year
3000', 'Fish from Space' and 'Forrest Gump', among some. A ticket clerk
was watching them from behind her desk.

  Matsuro couldn't help but to notice how human-like the woman was;
she had normal, slightly pale skin, black hair done up in a thick braid,
and a complete lack of tentacles, fangs, or anything else that might've
marked her off as a youma. She was also wearing what looked like a lab
coat.

  "Hello, and welcome to Dark Horror Picture Show!" the woman announced
in a pleasant, if somewhat maniacal, voice. "Today's movie is a little
piece called 'Santa fights the Martians'... enjoy!" She handed them two
tickets.

  Matsuro took out his wallet. "How much?"

  The woman shook her head, braid swinging. "It's free today. Get in!"

  She watched them go in, and then made her way over to a hatch in the
wall, which she opened. "I think that's the last ones. Push the button,
Frank."

  A voice hmpf'ed from the other side of the hatch. "I tell you, my name
isn't Frank!"

  "Oh, whatever. Just push the button!" She returned to her desk.

  "Two tickets, please," said the desk.

  The woman blinked, looked at the desk, and frowned. She then looked
over the edge of the desk. "Aren't you two too young for this? No?" She
sighed. "Get in, then. The movie's already started."
-=-

  Meanwhile, in the sewers (the home of the Cult of Cthulu Local 
#39924-91, to be precise), the chthonic being that was Brother Maynard
hauled his abused body into the hideout. All he wanted now was to rest a
while, and prepare a new plan. Hello Cthulu had failed; those mortals had
found a weapon against it. Damn them! He'd get back at them, all right.
For the moment, he needed rest and...

  Several eyes turned to look at him. Dozens of cultists were lounging
in the hideout, using the computers, raiding the fridge, or just sitting
around looking confused. One of the cultists, a college boy who couldn't
be much over 20, rose to greet him. "Maynard, right? I'm Ikimada. You're
the one in charge, right? Tell me, did we do anything in the park today?
Everyone seems to have a lot of memory blanks there... all I can remember
is... singing? But that can't be right, I've got a lousy voice... oh, I'm
ranting, right?"

  Brother Maynard patted the boy on the shoulder. "yoU dID wELl. GreAt
cTHulU iS PrOud oF YoU." He then floated upwards to get everyone's
attention. Which he did.

  "BroThERs AnD SisTeRs! tOdAY wE foUGhT A GlOrIOus BatTlE aGaInST thE
FieNDS tHaT CalL tHEmsELvES 'tHe dO-GOodErS'! NoW, We mUsT CoNtINuE OUr
MucH-DeLAyeD plAN tO FiNd a sUItAblE hOST-boDy fOr gREaT CtHulU, sO ThaT
He MaY MarRY jOdI FosTEr!"

  A hand rose from out of the crowd. "yES?"

  "Um, why is Jodi Foster so important?" asked a voice.

  Darkness flickered between Maynard's hands. "iT Is oF GraVEsT
iMpORtAncE." Actually, he had no idea, but he'd sooner rip his own arm
off than admit THAT.

  Another arm rose from the crowd. "yeS? yOu OveR THerE."

  Another voice asked, "What are we going to do with His Eminence?"

  Brother Maynard looked over at one of the tables, where the still form
of His Eminence. "hIs eMinENcE iS ouR LeaDEr. WE wIlL FolLOw HiS OrdERs
WheN hE sEeS FIt tO GivE aNY." 

  "He smells funny!" the same voice piped in. "Shouldn't we bury him?"

  "iF hiS EmiNEnCe wISheS tO Be BurIeD, hE wIlL MosT CerTaINlY TelL uS.
aNy OthEr QueStIoNS?"
-=-

  In the dungeons (known to some as 'the basement') of the Villyn home,
Nemesis Serendipity Villyn was busy working. To be more specific, he was
taking notes from a large book ('Become a genius scientist in five
hundred steps' by W. Hakubi) and fiddling with his latest creation, which
was a small box with a lot of wires sticking out of it. His minions were
sitting around the lab, sympathizing with their leader's anxiety.

  Villyn suddenly laughed out loud. The Bluefaced Black Shadow walked
over and peeked over his master's shoulder. "Are you proceeding, master?"

  Villyn undid the clasps on his armor arm, and removed it. "It's so
simple! It wasn't receiving any power!" He carefully removed the
automatic depth gauge from the arm, and inserted the small box, attaching
the wires. He put on the arm and pointed forward in front of him. A
dimensional rift, similar to the one in the park, but smaller and more
shoddy-looking, opened up with a flash of cheap special effects.

  "We're going to the DarkVerse, men." he said. "Anyone want to back out,
do it now."

  His minions all shook their heads. "I will gladly lay down my life for
the goddess." said the Bluefaced Black Shadow. The others nodded.

  Villyn fought the urge to ask who this 'goddess' they kept talking
about were. They were late as it was. "Let's go."

  They formed up in a line, and marched into the portal. Five seconds
after the last one had entered, the rift vanished. Nothing gave any
clues that there had ever been one.
-=-
WHAT ARE THE DWARVES UP TO NOW? WILL THE DO-GOODERS PRESS WHOEVER SET
THEIR GIG UP FOR MORE MONEY, DUE TO ATTEMPTS TO KILL THEM? WILL ANYONE
BRING JODY FOSTER INTO THE PLOT AGAIN? WILL *ANYONE* EVER BITE THE
BULLET AND TELL US ABOUT THE ICON AND THE EMBLEM? WILL AKI EVADE THE
FEARED FUKU THIS TIME TOO? DOES DAISY, ROVER AND CHARLES REALLY HAVE
SPECIAL POWERS, OR WAS THE BIRD JUST MAKING IT UP? WHEN WILL WE SEE THAT
TALKING GOLDFISH? WILL KEIKO'S DATE TURN OUT NICE, OR WILL MATSURO HAVE
TO WAIT EVEN LONGER FOR HIS DESTINY? WILL BECKY JOIN THE LEAGUE OF 
'SCHIZOPHRENICS WITH WEIRD SWORDS THAT CAN BE HIDDEN EASILY'? WHY DOES
KEIKO LOOK JUST LIKE THE QUEEN? WILL THERE BE EVEN MORE FACEFAULTS? WHAT
IS LOVE? WHAT IS DESTINY? WILL THE QUEEN EVER GET ANY RESPECT? WILL I
EVER GET ENOUGH SLEEP?
All of these questions (well, except for the one about my sleeping
habits, that is) might or might not be answered in the next episode
of Do-gooders, written by none other than Ash! Give him a hand, folks!
*clap clap clap*