DO-GOODERS The Proactive Teen Superhero Team With No X Anywhere In Their Title A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic Episode eightteen: What's This? An Episode Without Our Heroes? Just What is Going on? By Ash. The Darkverse is known throughout the multiverse as a very dark place. Not to mention evil to boot. With its maddening depths and abysmal heights, evil practically crawls from out of the woodwork to go there. Not only is it a place for evil to gather its numbers in preparation of inevitable onslaughts on the worlds of light, it's also good place to get sodding drunk. Which is why it would lose a good eighty percent of its credibility if what was currently going on in the massive meeting chambers of the Queen was ever let out; a rather sedate tea party. Not a true tea party, mind you, but close enough to count. The Queen sat in one of her many elabourately carved thrones, this one in the shape of thousands of screaming, grasping, deathly thin humanoid figures, with a dainty cup in one hand, and a saucer in the other. Fifteen feet away, seated a small table was a young woman, who appeared to be in her late to mid teenage years. She too was holding a cup, but was currently drinking from it. "Now tell me, how is it that you came to be here?" asked the Queen, in a voice that was surprisingly polite, and almost concerned, which is something you really don't expect from the Queen of a rather dark and nasty place ™. "And do try one of the Youma Yougert™ covered biscuits, they're quite tasty I must tell you." Aki nodded, and picked one up. "Thank you. Actually, the reason I came was because I have find out why these Icon and the Emblem thingys figure into my life." Arching an eyebrow, the Queen smiled. "You don't say, and why are you so important?" "That's a very good question. I had a… I guess it might be considered a nightmare, where a sensei was quizzing me on something, and when I didn't no the answer, he said that I was needed to make the Icon and the emblem work. And then his mouth opened, and thousands of horrifying things came flying out of it towards me." A shudder of horror ran through the Queen. "Then you must have been a student of Master Chiang, oh so very long ago. I suppose those brain-dead animals think you have to wear one of those annoying fukus as well?" "Why, yes they did." "How delightfully trite." @*@*#*+= Deep within the labyrynthan depths of CoC, Local #39924-91, Brother Maynard was abruptly jostled out of a trance by a disturbance in the force. As his head spun around like a top, he pulled the string on the back of the Hello Cthulhu™ doll he held. "Welcome back, your Eminance, I trust you had a pleasant nap?" The rather fishy smelling form of the erstwhile cult leader lurched and shook rather violently. "maynard you abysmally stupid fool! why did you start the hello chtulhu™ initiative?" said His Eminance, in a faint, rasping voice. "bEcAUsE I fElt It wAs nEcEssArY. UnfOrtUnAtElY, I hAvE nOt bEEn mYsElf lAtElY." replied Maynard, who was feeling much better that he was speaking in a much more normal (for him) tone of voice. "did you create an army of hello cthulhu™?" "yEs. BUt thAt AccUrsEd sAIlOr dElIght's sOng dIssIpAtEd thE pOwEr Of thE grEAt OnE." said Maynard, his eyes flashing in randomly changing colour patterns. "smeghead! Never, ever spread out the power that thinly. it weakens the link. the initiative was to create a spokesfigure for a media blitz, to rival that of the darkverse's bhahr'nhee™ directive. now put me in some water, i'm starting to dry out. perhaps we may save ourselves from the dolphins yet." Maynard's arms stretched to impossible lengths and picked up His Eminance, who now suspiciously looked very much like a cross between a fish and a humanoid frog. After spinning rapidly in place for five minutes, he floated over to one of the dark and dismal pools™, whose abysmal waves reflected on the walls of the chamber in the form of eerie floating shadows. After placing His Eminance in the pool, he meditated on these new events, and finally called for a cultist to come in. Five minutes later, a rather meek and nebbish cultist (who even made the robes and hood look meek and nebbish, a rather astounding feat, I might add), very slowly peeked into the chamber. "Y-you called, Brother Maynard?" he whimpered after standing in the doorway. The off-kilter head of Maynard, which had been hanging down onto his chest, snapped up into place. Very carefully, he pulled the string of the Hello Cthulhu™ plushie. "Hello. Would you like to play a game with me, Brother Phelps?" The Screams of Brother Phelps reverberated throughout the subterranian chambers of CoC local #39924-91. #%$#%$#%== "I see. So you are needed to make the Emblem and the Icon work. I'm afraid I shall have to keep you here as a guest longer than planned." Said the Queen, as she made the motions to summon one of her faceless legions. Aki glared at the Queen. A faceless legionnaire walked into the chamber and made the Official DarkVerse Salute™. "You called, my Queen?" he asked from behind his mask of facelessness™. Smiling, the Queen ran a finger over her lips. "Yes. Take our guest to the Royal Dignitary suite. See to it that she is not treated to roughly." "As you wish, my liege." replied the faceless legionnaire in the professional military tone that was a benchmark of the faceless legions. "Bring [Me] the [Icon] of [Rapturous Delight] and the [Emblem] of [Delightful Rapture] now!" said Aki, surprising even herself. The Queen became deathly pale. (which was surprising, as she was already deathly pale.) After several minutes of mute shock, she finally managed to rasp, "Do as she says, and make it quick!!" The faceless legionnaire blinked audibly, as he was wearing a mask of facelessness™ , which made it hard to blink visibly. "Your Majesty?" he said, completely stupified. "You fool! didn't they tell you in the faceless legion academy that it was not a very good idea to disobey the wishes of one who speaks in the brackets of power? Do as I say, and be quick about it!" Stumbling all over himself, the legionnaire scarpered out of the chamber. Five rather quiet minutes of sheer total terror (on the part of the Queen, that is. Aki was still trying to figure out how she actually spoke in brackets, and whether or not she could use it on her father.) later, the legionnaire brought in the items in question. They were just under a foot in diameter, and had nine sides of exactly the same length. Each of them had a symbol of power™ etched upon the facial surfaces. Very carefully, he handed them to her, and ran out of the castle as quickly as his feet could carry him. Carefully looking over the Icon and the Emblem, she tried to figure out what was so special about them. It was certain that she could feel no power eminating from them, and she searched them for hidden levers or buttons, but found none. She did find, however, a rather curious engraving on the back of them that mysteriously angered her to no end. Here is what she found: REPLICA ITEMS MADE IN MAGIC CITY, KINGDOM OF ATLANTIS, YEAR OF THE DISGRUNTLED HEDGEHOG. "What is the meaning of [This]? Where are the [Real] [Icon] and [Emblem]? Unless [My] questions are [answered], [I] shall be very [cross]!!!" "Oh my." said the Queen, who was too surprised to be frightened. "Those are what we found in the Kingdom of Delight's Treasury after we took over. I am truly sorry." Aki blinked. (This is just [Perfect]. Wait a minute. Why am [I] thinking like [this]?) #%$#^%##^#^ JUST WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON ANYWAY? WHY WAS THIS CHAPTER SO SHORT? WILL ANYONE ACTUALLY GET BROTHER MAYNARD'S VOICE RIGHT? WILL HELLO CTHULHU™ BE MORE POPULAR THAN BARNEY™? WILL THE STORY ACTUALLY GO SOMEWHERE FOR ONCE? WHAT'S WITH ALL OF THE ™S? FIND OUT (MAYBE) IN NEXT WEEK'S EXICITING (OR NOT) INSTALLMENT OF DO-GOODERS. Do-Gooders created 1998 by Stefan Gagne.a