To people who did trust me in writing this part, thanks. To people who didn't... well, nyah to you all! ;p ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do-Gooders The Proactive Teen Superhero Team With No X Anywhere In Their Title A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic Episode Twenty-eight: The end! ...or a new beginning? by Jonatan Streith (J_Streith@telebot.net) Original story concept by Stefan Gagne NOTE: Any similarities to any Teletubbie, living, dead, or otherwise, is purely intentional. General Esjie was harmed in the production of this episode. BIG thanks to my two prereaders Yasha and Phoebe, for comments, nitpicking, and talking me out of eviscerating myself at one point. Hugs and kisses, where applicable... I couldn't have made it without them. Domo arigato! ^_^ WARNING: Do not eat the Hounds of Tindalos. They're not kosher. * * * * * * * * * WHAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE... In an attempt to remove the usurper Esjie from the DarkVerse throne, the Do-Gooders, accompanied by Sailor Joy and Darkness, Ayame Shirokaze as well as Queen Charity of the DarkVerse, Nemesis Villyn, and his occasionally useful minions, travel to the dark dimension. However, upon arriving in the throne room of the DarkVerse Royal Castle, they encounter not only a deranged and power-bloated Esjie, but also the four dreaded Teletubbies. After a long and pointless battle against the seemingly indestructible harbingers of cute doom, the evil Youma General uses the powers of the Chronos Stone to send the entire group of protagonists to... somewhere else. The group, sans minions, wakes up in the town of Ketrel... an old town from the Crystal Millennium. While the others tucks in for the night, Ayame sneaks away to find the Artifact of Dusk, upon which she reveals her TRUE self... Meanwhile, back on Earth, the three shadow players known as Elric, Master Chiang, and Baron Stagner, are sitting around a diagram, awaiting Armageddon and expositing like there was no tomorrow. Currently, the Do-Gooders have struck upon a vital clue to the schism between the Crystal City and the DarkVerse, just as the being of pure and undaunted evil known as Contro^H^H^H^Ayame Shirokaze appeared, ranting in the Brackets of Power, and tearing a rift to the DarkVerse. Our heroes follow, and this is where we join the story, after what must surely be the longest piece of shameless exposition ever in a Do-Gooders episode. And no run-on sentence, either... * * * * * * * * * In the very same perfectly normal café (except for their oddly dressed waiters), three Men of Mystery gazed into a tea cup. "Right," Master Chiang said. "Elric, you have to go help them." Elric looked at him with a bored expression. "Me? No way." Master Chiang frowned at him. "They'll need your help, or they'll surely perish." Elric leaned back on his chair. "They can take care of themselves. I'll just go off to another world." Stagner snickered in a Taro-esque manner. "So this is the great Lord Elric? Wielder of the black blade, Lord of Melniboné, the great swordsman... running away? From an enemy he hasn't met, even!" Elric spun around angrily, the redness on his cheek shining through his pale skin. "Listen, I owe those people nothing! This world owes me nothing!" He grabbed the Baron by the neck, and glared point-blank into his eyes. "I remember when you were a bloated bastard who could sell his own children for a minute advantage. Just because you're reincarnated and all that bee's elbows doesn't mean..." Chiang chuckled nastily like only very old and occasionally wise men are allowed to, effectively cutting the albino swordsman off. "Yes, Elric, that's the stuff crappy legends are made from. 'Lord Elric, who ran away.' And this world will be another Melniboné..." "Shut up, old man!" Elric bellowed, aiming his gaze at the old man in question. "...another Yyrkoon..." Master Chiang droned. 1.21 gigawatts of pure hatred flared from Elric's eyes. Master Chiang ignored it. "...another Cymoril. Is that what you want, BOY?" the old man said, his voice suddenly booming and rattling the windows. Several booths away, people were looking out through the window, wondering how there could be thunder on such a sunny day. Elric shrank back, his shoulders hunched. He even appeared to lose a foot in height, although it was hard to tell why, since he still held his six feet. "All right, old man. I'll go, but I won't be happy." "Since when were you ever happy, my lad?" Chiang asked, a bemused smile sneaking up on his lips. He took off his satchel and handed it to the swordsman. "Here, you might need this." Elric gingerly took the buzzing bag, holding it as if something horrible would leap out and kill him. Actually, that was probably the case. "And what in the name of Arioch will I use THIS for? It's disgusting!" Master Chiang shrugged. "They've saved me several times. Don't worry, they won't kill you. I've given them careful instructions." Baron Stagner handed him a bottle of a dark liquid. "Take this, too. You never know when you might need it." Elric took the bottle with less trepidation. "And I suppose this bottle contains an evil spirit that will destroy my enemies?" The baron blinked a few times. "No, it's my special brand of coffee. You might need it if you want to sober up." "..." He pocketed the bottle and went to the door. He shot a final glare at the old man and the not-really-so-old man at the table, and then left. The Baron and the philosopher waited a few minutes. "Kids these days, eh?" the Baron commented. Chiang raised an eyebrow. "You should speak... but, yes. In my days, we didn't have magical swords with DESTINIES. We used plain ordinary iron swords, and had to be happy with that." Stagner grinned, and took a sip from his coffee. "You know, that's probably the most 'old fogey'-style comment I've ever heard." "Oh, shut up." * * * * * * * * * In the DarkVerse throneroom, Esjie and the shadowy creature cackled almost in synchrony. Green light flared from his eyes, his mouth, and out of several cracks in his clothing. Coming from a dimension of eternal cuteness and sunshine, and also being almost totally indestructible, the Teletubbies had never known fear. Thus, an entirely new feeling was creeping through them... * * * * * * * * * In his quarters, Sohkoh was idly playing with his yo-yo. "I wanted to make things interesting around here... but this is TOO interesting!" He mumbled a few unprintable words, cursing himself for letting Esjie get his hands on the stone. "Damn unpredictable humans..." * * * * * * * * * In the bachelor quarters of the Royal Astrologer, Vuudu was busy staring into his new copy of "I-Ching for intermediate users!". Yarrow stalks covered the otherwise rather tidy room. Several were scattered over his androgynous companion. "What does it say?" Malaise whispered, trying not to shiver. Vuudu frowned. "It's not clear... this pattern isn't in the book. Or any other books I have. Let me try something different." He brought out a Tarot deck, and laid out five cards in a star formation. He then carefully turned every one of them over. Every card was blank. "This," the bishounen astrologer intoned, "does not bode well." Malaise whimpered. * * * * * * * * * In a different part of the palace altogether, in the very trendy quarters of the very trendy High General, Ayesse was busy picking through the contents of a large chest. "...shouldn't have listened to the screw-brain," he muttered, "shoulda kept away. Now it's all going to Hell, big time! Well, I'm going with STYLE!" Ayesse finally withdrew a thick bundle, and unfolded it. He held up the rhinestone-studded white jacket to the light, and sighed happily. "Back to the carefree 80's... ah, those were the days." * * * * * * * * * In his own quarters, General Lessente was happily drinking himself into unconsciousness. He'd never been much of a drinker, but as he would have said, had he been sober enough, "It's never too late to start." * * * * * * * * * After a session of laughter long enough to put Devilot de DeathSatan to shame, Esjie suddenly interrupted, and stared ahead. "Something is coming." The voice laughed horribly. "Of course! Your [sister] is coming. Your [sister]... and [mine]. And then the [Void] will destroy [everything]." There was silence, and then reality screamed as if in pain, as a huge rip in it was torn open. A human shape, crackling with dark energy and clutching a large idol, flowed through. She landed in front of the throne, and cackled evilly in the Brackets of Power. "[Finally!] I'm [free!!] And we will [end] this [world], brother, in the glory of the [Void!!]" Esjie tried to grin analytically, failed, and grinned like a maniac instead. "Queen Amore, I presume? How charming to see you like this..." Ayame noticed him. "Who is this?" She turned to the voice in the shadows. "How tacky, brother. You haven't even possessed him. How will we bring about the [Void] and the [End] of [Everything], if you keep playing around, brother?" A dark mist flowed out of the shadow, forming itself momentarily into a huge, deformed face. "Point, sister dear." It flowed over to Esjie, placed itself over him, and then it turned into coils and wrapped itself over him. Esjie stared at the coils, enraged. "How dare you! I'm the king of the DarkVerse! I'm invincible! I'm--" his voice was cut off and his eyes rolled upwards, as his mind was usurped, tied up, and stowed away in a dusty part of his mind. He opened his eyes, and they shone with intensified light. "Better, but not as much [fun], my sister. So, shall we begin on the [End]? * * * * * * * * * In Matsuro's Valhalla replica of an apartment, a rowdy drinking party was in progress. Dalin wiped his chin and continued the joke. "...and then the priest says, 'That's not mine!', and the guy with the hat replies..." As if by either magic or brute force (in this case, force), the apartment door crashed open, revealing a dark-clad, pale-skinned, albino man with a moaning sword in his hand. This description didn't fit many people. "Get your weapons, guys." Elric intoned monotonously. "We have a destiny to fulfill." Balin took another swig of whatever he had in his mug. "Will it involve Valkyries?" Elric shook his head. "No Valkyries. Might be some unspeakable horrors from beyond time and space, though." Dalin tossed down his drink. "Just as long as it ain't Asgard Crispies, either." The two dwarfs grabbed their weapons and walked out through the door, albeit unsteadily. Two pairs of disembodied eyes looked at Elric inquisitively. "All right, you can come along, too." Elric said with a sigh. The two not-really-departed souls followed the trio out the door. Elric made a futile attempt to close the shattered door, gave up, and walked off into a rift in reality. * * * * * * * * * The Do-Gooders (and extended auxiliaries) stepped into the dark and unholy throneroom, made darker and more unholy by the dark and unholy beings therein. "I don't know who you are or what you've done with my mom," Sailor Bliss intoned, "but in the name of the Crystal City of Delight, WE WILL PUNISH YOU!!" The rest of the group groaned, as they had now lost the chance of surprise. The possessed General and the possessed queen turned towards them, and laughed maniacally. Then they ignored them. Kireiko, however, wouldn't let things like overpowering odds stop him... at least not in his Oni form. "'Blade 3:16 says you can kick your ass good-bye!'" he roared in American. Everyone at the arena had gone mad when one wrestler had said that, so it must be something cool. Matsuro said nothing as he slid the Sword of Duality out of its... sheath. Had he been a more talkative person, he would probably have said "Today is a good day to die." After all, if he died, then he wouldn't have to fulfill his destiny. And maybe he'd get away from his mom, since she seemed to avoid the Afterlife. At least he wouldn't go down without a fight... but what about his friends? And Keiko? He'd hate to leave THAT unfinished. "Oh god..." Agent BA-3 took in the scenery around her, analyzed everything for tactical advantages and disadvantages, and evaluated the power levels of the two beings at the throne. She then decided that it was out of her jurisdiction, handed the assignment to Sailor Rapture, and went off to have the subconscious equivalent of a coffee break. Sailor Rapture's trenchcoat faded away, and her facial tattoos flared up again. She turned to Tejina. "Sailor Delight, those humans are possessed by the Void spirits. They are extremely powerful." Sailor Delight boggled at her friend. [She's REALLY creeping me out... why did I have to lose that note with the doctor's number?] Out loud, she said, "Void spirits? What are those?" Queen Charity cleared her throat. "They were a weapon used by the DarkVerse during the war between the kingdoms... they were very useful, since they could destroy anything, but they were forbidden when it turned out that they were following their own agenda... to destroy everything. Fortunately they never gained enough magic for it... and we managed to banish them before they did." "Sounds like a pretty desperate war," Sailor Rapture commented. "You wouldn't believe half of it. I think those little green men that the Kingdom of Obscurity used, who built mini-malls everywhere to confuse their enemies were among the weirdest, myself..." Villyn looked wistful. "Truly, there are more things between heaven and Earth than I've ever believed..." Sailor Delight glared at the armor-clad nut, and turned back to the Queen. "So if you banished them, then how did they get back? And how can we get rid of them again?" "I... I remember something..." Charity clutched her head, as if she tried to wrest the memory from her brain by force. "An old poem, that my mother told me... 'Dawn to Dusk, the sentinels of time...' there's more, but I can't remember..." The possessed Ayame suddenly landed before them in a way that only cool anime characters can, and laughed in their faces. "You'd never succeed anyway, [Queen]. And we're stronger than [ever]! The [End] is [near]!" While she ranted, Kireiko and Matsuro sneaked up behind the business-suited madman, sword and claws at the ready... "DELIGHTFUL ACCOUNT OVERDRAFT!" The blast of energy-draining special effects struck the woman perfectly... doing no harm whatsoever. The woman snickered. "Your pathetic magic won't harm [US], little girl." She then laughed madly. "But if you're so [eager] to fight... brother, release your [troops]!!" Kireiko shouted "'Touchdown!'" and they attacked the General... the sword sliced through Esjie's neck as if passing through water, and Kireiko's claws struck sparks. They didn't so much as faze the General. The sharply-dressed madman giggled madly, as was his wont. "I would've killed you before, but now I feel like PLAYING!" He waved his hand, and the two boys disappeared. "Kireiko!" Hanaki shouted. "Matsuro!" Sailor Darkness and Joy shouted in unison. They stared at each other. "Teletubbies - [attack]!" Esjie bellowed. * * * * * * * * * Koji opened his eyes. His computer was on, so he reached forward to turn it off. As he did so, his left leg ached; funny, he hadn't damaged it, had he?" Odd visions swam through his mind. An old man with huge eyebrows, yelling at him. A hairy man, wrapped in furs, always having a kind, if perhaps odd, word for him. Eating odd food. Playing an oddly-shaped instrument. Walking into a bathroom and having the woman inside yell at him. A young woman with beautiful blonde hair, smiling at him, her smile filling him with sunshine... and the same face, looking at him with sadness... Koji shook his head in confusion. Whatever those images were, it had nothing to do with this life. And that tuxedo outfit and the man with the cane CERTAINLY didn't have anything to do with him. Too much Myst, that must be it. Yeah. Or possibly all the time spent at the penguin exhibit at the zoo. * * * * * * * * * Elric and his companions stepped out from whatever place exists between realities, and looked around. He was no expert on science, but he recognized a laboratory when he saw one; instruments hanging on the walls, screens scrolling text in garish colors or emitting white noise, tables laden with strange gadgets, and an atmosphere that reeked of a possible explosion or other dangers. A mechanical voice in the background kept saying "Intruder alert, intruder alert" over and over again. "Where are we, Elric?" Dalin asked, being a dwarf and thus preferring metallurgy to more advanced science. "I'm willin' ta bet this ain't the DarkVerse..." "Get outta the way!" A young man wearing a bandanna and a labcoat, and clutching a mutilated plushie under his arm, barreled by Elric, nearly tripped on Balin, and escaped through a grille in the floor. "Strange boy," Aunt Itako commented. "I wonder what he was running from?" "DIE!!" a female voice screamed, thus answering the question. An enraged girl carrying an extremely oversized gun ran by, knocked the dwarfs over like bowling pins, and leaped through the grille. Elric blinked several times, and promptly bustled the others back through the rift. "This is NOT the Darkverse." The rift closed. A few seconds later, a woman wearing not enough red leather walked by. "I could have sworn..." She hmmed, and shrugged. "Oh well." * * * * * * * * * The colorful entities of sickening cuteness stormed towards the Sailor Team, who fought back with fervor. "Those fiends!" Villyn swore, putting an armor-clad fist in the face of the yellow one. It bounced back, yelling about flowers. "If I had my minions here, I'd show them... why, when I woke up this morning..." "Morning?" Queen Charity said, looking puzzled. "Dusk and Dawn... Dawn... morning... of course!" Muttering the appropriate spell, she took the Artifact of the Morning out of its luggage dimension, and held it between her hands. "Life-giving Morning of the world, I command you! Come forth!!" Sailor Rapture raised one eyebrow. "That was rather tacky." Charity looked sheepish. The Artifact of the Morning flared and wrapped Queen Charity in an aura of sunlight (which really didn't suit her, and would probably burn her skin if she exposed herself for any extended time), shedding light over the large throneroom for the first time in millennia. With a gesture, she sent a beam of intense light at the two possessed humans. They ceased in their cackling... ...and then continued with full fervor. The artifact was yanked out of Queen Charity's hands, as she was blinded by the intense light. It landed in Ayame's hands. "Foolish queen! Foolish queen!" Esjie cackled, leaping from one foot to the other. Ayame clutched the Artifact of the Morning in one hand. The Artifact of Dusk appeared in her other hand. She grinned madly. "Now we can finally fulfill our prophecy! So long, mortals!" The dark, almost liquid coils of the Void spirits seeped out of their hosts, who crumpled to the floor. The two artifacts flared with energy and floated upwards, towards the ceiling, and the Chronos Stone detached itself from the limp form of Esjie and interspersed itself between the two. The two spirits, cackling madly, flew around the three artifacts of power, which started to spin oddly, energy building up... * * * * * * * * * Matsuro gazed out over the barren landscape. Yup, it was the desert again. Lots of red sand, red rocks, and a red sky, although of a different hue. And silent, for the moment. But soon, it would be very noisy. Yes, very soon. Any time now. Soon, very soon. Okay, maybe it wouldn't-- A glass globe crashed on the ground before him. Another one barely missed his head. Torn and bloody subway tickets fell from the sky, women with long hair that surged in winds that were not there erupted from the ground, and a group of munchkins walked by, singing "Follow the bloody red trail". Cogwheels appeared on the sky, forming some kind of odd and malfunctioning machinery. A geyser of blueberry jam erupted from the ground, and his mother stepped out, carrying a large cross made from chewed bread and Legos. Well, it could have been the replacement from the Department of Mystical Destinies. It was hard to tell. "Hello, 'mom'," he greeted. "Here to tell me the old litany of going to Tokyo, joining the band, and finding the sword? Or is it the NEW old litany of avoiding Tokyo Tower, being a Chick, and giving you grandchildren?" "Matsuro," the woman intoned, "you mustn't run away." In the distance, a copy of Tokyo appeared, being attacked by a huge robot that Matsuro didn't recognize. He ignored it and focused on the woman instead. "The dragons are coming, Matsuro. They will be prepared." On cue, a scaly dragon flew by, holding a chessboard. "and finally," her voice now disembodied as she had somehow vanished, "you must choose." Matsuro looked around, idly wondering where the desert had gone; he was now standing in a battlefield, with no one in sight save for the dead. They all looked like the cast of Seinfeld, but Matsuro had never seen that show, so that interesting fact was lost on him. He looked up at the night sky, which depicted the sun and the moon being eaten by huge wolves. "Choose what?" he yelled. On cue, two blocks of ice erupted from the ground. He peered into the ice, and saw the two familiar female shapes inside. "Oh brother." * * * * * * * * * "DELIGHTFUL ACCOUNT OVERDRAFT!" "BLISSFUL FROZEN ASSETS!" The twin bursts of shopping energy sent the purple Teletubby flying across the room, buying them some time. "Aargh! This isn't helping!" Sailor Delight exclaimed. She looked at the bodies of Esjie and Ayame with worry, and at the dark spirits, connected to them with thin threads of darkness, with more worry. "BIG HUUG!!" Po shouted, lunging at Aki. "JOYFUL CLEANSING LIGHT!" The extremely hazardous beam of purifying light blazed over the red creature. It fell over twitching, but they all knew it would be up again soon. "Keiko!" Aki yelled. "You're always dabbling with magic! Do you have any ideas?" "Matsuro..." the Sailor of darkness moaned, as she slashed the yellow Teletubbie with her claws. "Uh... disrupt the spell! That should stop it!" [At least stop it from doing what it's supposed to do,] she thought. [We'll be happy if we get kiwi fruit all over the place.] "Disrupt it? HOW?" Sailor Bliss said, very nearly whining. [It's not supposed to be like this!] she thought. [It's supposed to be good guys against bad guys, and then you win! Not like this! I swear, if we survive this, I'll never lie again. Well, not unless I have to. Or need to. Well, 'never' is a strong word...] Delight sighed. "Let's just shoot at it. DELIGHTFUL ACCOUNT OVERDRAFT!" The attack slammed into the rotating nexus of energy, jostling it a bit. The spirits stopped cackling, and stared at it in abject terror. Well, as abject as you could read from a face made from black mist. They howled in anger. "[Stop] that at [once]!" Bolts of dark energy rained down. "REVOLUTIONARY SHELL!" They all took cover under the spinning barrier, which buckled but held against the barrier... for the moment. "At least we're doing something right." Rapture commented. * * * * * * * * * Matsuro looked at the two girls, pondering in a bishounen way that could almost be described as angsting. "Choose your path," the woman from the department intoned, "choose your destiny." She was now wearing a black cowl and holding a scythe, and had now turned into something decidedly reptilian that probably was part of his prophecy, but Matsuro ignored it all as easily as he ignored the singing carrots trying to stage a play in the background. [Choose? Why must I choose? Why now? I'd at least planned to get to know them first...] "Okay, I choose..." "Take the box!" "...the box." Matsuro blinked, as Bishonens weren't allowed to boggle. "WHAT?" He turned towards the sound of the voice. Kireiko-oni walked down a slope that weren't there five seconds ago. "Hiya, Matsuro. So what're you doing here?" "I'm having another hallucination of apocalyptic import. What the heck are you doing here?" The guitarist casually picked his teeth with a huge claw, and shrugged. "I dunno... there was this flash of light, see, and then I met my dad, and we talked a bit. Then I walked off and here I am. I don't think much about it." "The box it is!" the woman announced. They turned around as she pulled out a large box out of nowhere. It opened to reveal... a portal. Kireiko grinned. "'Bingo!' Looks like our ride home. You coming, bishounen boy?" Matsuro pulled out his sword. "Sure." * * * * * * * * * Becky grunted under the stress of upholding the barrier. Soon, she'd run out of energy, and... [No! None of those thoughts! Gotta keep it up!] Out loud, she said, "Tej! We have to do something! This barrier will break any second now!" Magical bolts hammered on the spinning shield; it was hard to tell if the Void spirits were sincerely enraged, or just playing with them. "DELIGHTFUL ACCOUNT OVERDRAFT!" The attack slammed into the nexus, but did nothing more than shaking it a bit. The magical artifacts looked a bit worn, but not much. "Damn! We need something powerful! Something--" The main gate to the room suddenly exploded, little bits of gate deciding that they wanted to go in separate directions. The Quake Camper strode through, followed by the other minions. They all bellowed "FOR VILLYN!" and the Quake Camper fired off another rocket into a wall, just for effect. An armored fist rose from the impromptu shelter of a shattered door. "GO, my minions!" Sailor Rapture stared at the Quake Camper. "Hey, that's a rocket launcher with flamethrower attachment, rhino skin strap, titanium alloy barrel and optional hologram stickers he's holding! I saw it in 'Weaponry Today!' There's only four of them in the world! Something went 'click' inside Sailor Joy's head. (No, just 'click'. Not 'snap'. That's for when her prom gets ruined.) "Hey, minions!" she called out. "That spinning thing up there is threatening me!" Shadows flared around the Bluefaced Black Shadow. "Threatening Aki-sama?" The Blank Psychic bristled with anger, although it was rather hard to tell due to his mask. "It must be destroyed!" The Quake Camper needed no more incentive. With the zeal of only a true Villyn worshipper (Only five in existence! Get the whole collection!), he raised the weapon and fired. The rocket flew graciously upwards... ...and impacted beautifully with the center of the spinning nexus. *BOOOOOOM!!!* When the dust had settled, they surveyed the results, to see... ...that the artifacts were *still* intact. However, the Chronos Stone glowed in an odd fashion, seemingly spilling out green light... almost as if it was... leaking? Sailor Delight stared intently at it, chewing on her hair as she thought deep thoughts. "Camper, fire another rocket!" the Blank Psychic urged. "The foe is still intact!" The Quake Camper reached for another rocket... and grabbed empty air. "Huh? Where's..." he quickly took off his backpack and rummaged through it. "I'm.. I'm out of rockets! I used them all to show off! WAAAH!" he wailed. The spirits laughed megalomaniacally. "You're powerful, [human], but it shall [all] come to pass! Prepare yourselves for the [Void]!" [Only one chance...] Sailor Delight thought. "CARDO SUWARU!" * * * * * * * * * Observe for a moment this attack Sailor Delight uses. Unlike her other attacks, which are based on pure magic energies, this one creates actual cut-up credit cards, coated with magic. Observe as the swarm of little sharp magic-coated plastic thingies fly towards the three magical artifacts. Observe as one of them lodges in the crack on the Chronos Stone. What do you think will happen when the card's magic coat comes in contact with the vast amounts of raw magic energy in the Chronos Stone? That's right. *BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!* * * * * * * * * * "Now THAT'S unexpected," Stagner commented, gazing into his cup. "What?" Chiang pushed him aside. "Let me see! Feh, I can't see anything in this milk." "Actually, it's coffee." "..." * * * * * * * * * "I do not [believe] this!" "[This] cannot [be]!" "[NOOOOO]!!!" two voices screamed. Whiteness filled everything. It shrouded all, in spite of all laws of physics. The twisted and bizarre screams that erupted from the ceiling made it clear that not seeing anything was a GOOD thing. After a few more minutes, the screaming subsided, and the whiteness faded away. The throneroom was, quite literally, a wreck. Near one wall, the four Teletubbies were huddled, quaking in fear. In another corner, Charity and the Sailors had hit the deck. The sailors were also detransformed, for some reason. By the opening formerly known as the main entrance, Villyn and his minions were hiding behind a low wall that seemed to have risen from the floor; obviously Thrakkorzog? Thurston Dunne? Tharz -- whatever his name was, had put his powers to good use. Near the damaged and slightly warped throne lay the prone form of Supreme General Esjie. Lying in almost the center of the room, was Ayame, face down. In the very center grew a huge palm tree. Of the Void spirits there were no trace. A portal appeared, and Matsuro and Kireiko strode out, looking incredibly cool. They then tripped over Esjie. Tejina looked up. "Hey, where did you two run off to?" She glared at them. "You were supposed to help us save the universe, you slackers!" "We got lost a bit... but now we're 'ready to RUUUMMBLE!'" Kireiko announced, flexing his Oni-enhanced biceps. Hanaki swooned a bit. He looked around. "Hey, where's the monsters?" He spotted the Teletubbies. "BOO!" Tinky Winky fainted. Everyone conscious got to their feet. Matsuro helped Keiko up. He would have helped Aki too, but she clambered to her feet as soon as she saw the melodrama coming. "So what happened?" Becky asked, since there must always be someone to ask that. "Simple," Keiko answered. "Tejina disrupted the spell and destroyed the magic artifacts. This huge flood of power seems to have affected mainly things near its midst..." "Like this thing." Charity kicked the palm tree, stubbing her toe. "I suppose we'll have to keep it, although I don't know where we'll get the sunlight..." "...and also turned the artifacts to dust." Keiko looked at the floor, and grinned. "You wouldn't happen to have a vacuum cleaner, Queen?" Several of the Do-Gooders facefaulted in unison. As Hanaki picked herself up, she got a scared look on her face. "Mom! She was lying next to the blast!" She, Tejina and Becky quickly made their way over to the woman. Queen Charity closed her eyes and concentrated. "The Void spirit has left her. In fact, they're nowhere to be found. They must have been vanquished by the blast." Tejina glared at her. "And how come you didn't spot it before?" Charity looked coolly at the young girl. "I wasn't searching for them. After all, one does not expect an attack from an enemy last seen millennia ago." She then ignored Tejina and walked over to her throne. "My, my. This won't do." Her staff appeared in her hands. She held it out at the throne, and it melted back in shape. She glanced at Esjie and idly contemplated waking him, then settled for using him as a foot stool. "Wake up, mom!" Bliss said, shaking the green-haired woman. "Please, wake up!" Ayame moaned dramatically and slowly opened her eyes. "Where am I?" Her eyes settled on the girls. "Tej? Han?" Delight and Bliss sighed in relief (and synchrony). "Thank God you're all right!" Sailor Delight said. She then looked worried. "You are all right, aren't you?" Sailor Rapture, more or less in her normal mindset, checked her over. "No broken bones, no wounds, just a few bruises. She's fine." [There is something odd with her...] her Sailor personality said. She ignored it. Ayame got to her feet and brushed herself off. She smiled at Delight. "I'm fine, sis! Just a bit bruised and dirty!" She looked around. "Hey, where are we?" The girls boggled in unison. "SIS?!?" they asked, also in unison. Ayame grinned in a rather goofy fashion. "Of course, Tej, Han! Whose sister would I be, otherwise?" She looked down on her clothing in shock. "WHY am I wearing this? I mean, is this drab or WHAT?" "Uh oh." was all Sailor Rapture could say. In her mind, a voice was happily saying "Told you so" over and over again. * * * * * * * * * Charity Darkness Vengeance seated herself on her throne, corrected her clothes, and laid her feet on the prone form of her Supreme General, hoping that it would look dramatic and powerful. (It didn't, but that wasn't really important.) She made a last-second check to see that she hadn't accidentally taken off all her clothes, and raised her staff. "Generals, appear before me!" The Generals appeared in a massive burst of candy wrappers, fortune cookies, itching powder, and other medium. Lessente was passed out on the floor, a happy smile on his face and a bottle of something alcoholic in his hand; the leakage from it was eating away at the floor. Sohkoh blanched at the sight of the Queen, then put on his best 'used cars salesman' smile and tried to look inconspicuous. Vuudu and Malaise appeared in a very embarrassing position... actually, it wasn't very embarrassing, but it probably would have been five minutes later. They blushed red. Ayesse was wearing a white outfit studded with rhinestones. He looked EXTREMELY embarrassed. The Queen raised an eyebrow. "Looking for your Graceland, Ayesse?" Ayesse looked like he wanted to hide somewhere. He mumbled something, and the outfit was replaced by the grey uniform of a youma General. He looked at it with disdain. "Baah, dull threads. I hate this getup." Malaise and Vuudu quickly disentangled themselves. "We didn't help Esjie, honest!" the androgynous General began. "Uh.. and it's good to see..." Charity silenced her (him?) with a gesture, and focused on Sohkoh, who was unsuccessfully trying to hide behind the palm tree. "Sohkoh, at the risk of sounding clichéed... I thought you were dead?" Sohkoh grinned unconvincingly. "Well, my Queen, I.." Queen Charity interrupted him. "If you say 'I got better' I will vaporize you where you stand, Sohkoh." A small spark of magic leapt over her left hand, to mark her point. Sohkoh swallowed, and decided to use truth for once. "Well, Malaise didn't want to kill me so I was put in one of those Eternal Sleep crystal thingies but then Esjie released me and requested my aid so I gave him the Chronos Stone just to play him a prank and then he got all mad and started working with some guy in the shadows and that's all I know." He took a deep breath, and added, "And I've never called you an ice maiden who can't get a date if her life depended on it, really!" The Queen raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Then how did you know that that was the insult in question?" Sohkoh bigsweated. "Eh..." Queen Charity waved her hand disdainfully. "Later, Sohkoh." She removed her feet from Esjie. " Now we'll go on to new business." She pointed at the unconscious man, and a spark of energy leapt onto him, shocking him awake. "Gah! Teletubbies! Thirty-four! Kill the Do-Gooders!" Esjie looked around in confusion, and saw the Queen. "Ah." He stood up, unwrinkled his suit, and dusted it off with his white hanky. "My Queen," he intoned calmly, "things may seem a bit messy..." Queen Charity hushed him with a gesture. She found that she was enjoying it immensely. "You have committed treason, Esjie. And the punishment for that is..." "Cleaning out the lavatories?" Esjie dryly asked. Queen Charity blinked. [That has potential... No! No! Don't give him any opportunities!] "No! The Eternal Sleep!" She raised her staff. "Oh." was the last General Esjie said, before the crystal sealed him in. Queen Charity fought the urge to laugh out loud. [Finally I get some respect! Better make something of it while it lasts...] She pointed at the Do-Gooders (and auxiliaries) "Now! We must destroy the Do-Gooders!" Malaise blinked. "But didn't they..." he/she began. Sailor Delight looked up from her boggling contest. "What? HEY! We helped you! Where's your gratitude?" She looked like she was about to explode. Kireiko was enjoying watching the performance, but then again, Onis are easily amused. Aki, now detransformed, put a hand on Delight's shoulder. She was the only one to spot Charity's conspiratory wink. "Let me handle this, Tejina." She cleared her throat. "Foul DarkVerse spawn! You might have won for now, but we'll be back!" She turned to her father. "Dad, open a portal back home." "What?" Villyn said, trying to figure out why his daughter was acting so dramatical. "What did you say, Aki dear?" Aki frowned. "I said, [open] a [portal]." Villyn shuddered, suddenly feeling as if someone had walked over his grave. "Okay." He fiddled with a device on his arm, and a rift in reality opened. "Aw, home already?" Kireiko whined. "I haven't even beaten anything up yet!" Ayame bounced cutely. "Yeah, home! This place is creeping me out!" She turned to Tejina. "Doesn't it creep you out too, sis?" Tejina tinysweated. * * * * * * * * * Villyn watched as his daughter and his most hated enemies left. Such authority! She was truly growing up to become a true ruler of the world. When he died, he'd leave the world in safe hands. He turned to his minions. "Minions, return to the house. I'll get back on my own." He corrected his clothing (although it was rather unnecessary, since metal armor seldom wrinkles) and turned to the enthroned vision of loveliness. "I must prepare our next plan." Thrakkorzog? Thurston Dunne? Tharz- whatever his name was, looked excited. "A plan to take over the world, master Villyn?! What is it?" [Hey,] he thought, [maybe I can get Becky-sama to notice me, too!] Visions of Becky played through his mind, almost even drowning out the voice of his great leader. Villyn grinned at his minions. The Bluefaced Black Shadow almost drooled. [Truly great minions!] Out loud, he said, "I'll tell you later. Now, go!" The minions saluted excitedly and ran into the portal. It closed behind them. "...and demolish the south wing of the castle, and get a decent constructor to rebuild it! It's ugly!" Charity grinned like a powerdrunk evil queen, which was rather appropriate. "But..." Malaise began. Queen Charity hushed the General with her gesture again. "Hush! It's an order, Malaise! And do an evaluation on the lower Generals, so we can see if we need to kick a few downstairs... or maybe upstairs!" She giggled inwardly, then noticed the approaching Villyn. "Why hello, Nemesis-chan..." she purred. He smiled handsomely, and kissed her hand. "I thought that we'd... discuss plans to take over Earth?" Charity blushed red. "Oh, not tonight, Nemesis-chan... I have to get this place going again. Can you forgive me?" He smiled again. "Of course. Will you be around for dinner tomorrow night?" She smiled cutely, her blush receding a bit. "Of course." "Perfect." He then took her in his arms and gave her a DEEP kiss, and then released her. "Until then, dear..." A portal opened up, swallowed him, and vanished. Queen Charity sighed like a schoolgirl. "He's... he's so..." She turned her head and saw her Generals. Grinning like madmen. "I told you my prediction would come true," Vuudu commented in a smooth voice. "So do I win or what?" Sohkoh dug out a wad of money from his uniform, and handed a considerable amount to the Astrologer. "This is the last time I place any bets against you, Vuudu." Vuudu grinned. "You always say that, and then you do it again anyway." Queen Charity did a fairly acceptable imitation of a tomato. "Generals, dismissed. Ayesse, I wish to talk to you." Ayesse approached the throne as the others vanished, as youma Generals are wont to do. "Yo' Majesty! You wanted something?" The dark queen frowned, wondering if it shouldn't be treason to talk like that. "Ayesse..." Ayesse swallowed. Suddenly he felt a bit nervous... actually, he felt like he'd prefer to be a LONG way away from here. Queen Charity pointed at the Teletubbies. "Take those things with you when you leave. Honestly, what gave you the idea to keep them in the throne room? And put away Esjie somewhere when you're at it, too." Ayesse nearly facefaulted. * * * * * * * * * The Void spirit known as the Sister looked around. Nothingness surrounded her. Nothing could be seen of the Earth, the DarkVerse or any other place. No sources of magic were visible to her. There wasn't even any blackness, for even that would mean that there were anything around. "So, is this the [Void], sister?" The sister spun around, forming eyes on her being to glare at the spirit known as the Brother. "I don't [know]! I've [never] seen the [Void]!" She contemplated for a moment. "I don't [think] so, though. I doesn't... [feel] like I've [imagined] it to be." Their empty world shook, sending them crashing against the walls of nothingness. "What was [THAT]?!" the Sister asked. "I don't know," the Brother replied, "[but] I [think]..." Another jostle cut him off. * * * * * * * * * The little blonde girl giggled as she shook the new toy she had found. The inky black things inside the little ball swirled and bounced around. This new toy was SO cool! She could hardly wait until tomorrow so she could show it to her friend. Oh yes... and she had to work on her school project, too. She looked at a box standing next to her bed. It contained... something very, very complicated. * * * * * * * * * Elric walked out of the hole in reality, Stormbringer in hand, and looked around. A dark throneroom... with a palm tree in it? He frowned. This couldn't be right... since when did the DarkVerse have palm trees? "Excuse me, but who are you?" Elric turned around to see a woman standing next to the throne. He gave her a polite bow. "Elric of Melniboné, milady. Is this the place where I was supposed to save the world?" Charity blinked. "I think you're a bit late." "Oh." Elric turned to one of his vertically challenged companions. "I told you we didn't have time for that last beer." The dwarf shrugged. "So sue me. Doesn't look like we missed a lot." The queen watched as they left. "We do get the strangest visitors these days." * * * * * * * * * Baron Stagner von Carrlson stared into his wonton soup, and frowned. Actually, he looked rather annoyed. "It wasn't supposed to happen like that! Where's the drama? Where's the tension?" Chiang chuckled evilly, as good-natured wise old men are wont to do. "Do shut up, Stagner. Kids always do things their own way. It's a force of nature." He looked into the bowl with interest. "And they didn't need Elric, either...better than I've expected." The Baron looked dejected. "I hope he returns my coffee." He stood up and stretched, since he had been sitting there for quite a while. "And I'll be off, now. Things to do, people to kill, a sailor-suited lovely to track down..." "It was rather nice working with you." Chiang injected. Baron Stagner gave him a 1.21 Gigawatt glare. "You may have forced me to play the good guy for now, but the next time..." he paused dramatically, "...you won't be that fortunate, Chiang..." He flapped his cape. Dramatic villain music started to play from the jukebox, since a teenager had dropped a coin in it. "...for I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the gum that sticks under your shoe! I am..." "The world's one and only, flying trapeze." Chiang intoned. "Exactly!" The Baron blinked, and glared at the old man. "Veery funny." He left, as the background was filled with whispers along the way of "Didja see that caped weirdo?", "That was the lousiest villain speech I've ever heard" and "Can I have more rice, please?" Chiang leaned back and chuckled. Then he stopped chuckling as he realized that Stagner had left him with the bill. It had a very large figure at the end. * * * * * * * * * Kireiko slammed the door shut behind him. "I'm home!" His father stepped out from the kitchen, looming ominously. Mystical flames outlined him. "Kireiko..." Kireiko dropped into a battle stance, snarling like the half-oni he was. "Old man..." Dramatic music started playing in the background. They held the dramatic tableau for a drawn-out moment, giving a passing fanartist an opportunity to make a picture of it. "HYAAAHH!" Kireiko's mother, outlined with a cool blue aura, leapt down the stairs in a gravity-defying way, and hurled an ofuda at her transformed son. It flew straight and true, striking his forehead. Kireiko reared back and roared in pain and agony. Everything seemed to freeze. Then the music stopped, the cool blue aura and the mystical flames faded away, and Kireiko shrank back into his human form. He glared at his parents from under the ofuda. "Do we have to do this EVERY day, dad?" Kireiko's father looked stern, something he was good at. "Yes, until the day you stop going out as an oni, we will." He frowned. "Really, Kireiko, do you get a kick out of it, or do you just like to worry your parents?" Kireiko's mother put a calming hand on her husband's shoulder. "Now, now, Choji dear... he probably had a reason for it, didn't you, dear?" She smiled at her son, a motherly smile that clashed rather heavily against her behavior a few moments ago. "It was probably some mad cultists or evil sprits or eternal beings out to destroy the world or something... there's a lot of them out on the streets nowadays." She shook her head ruefully. "So how was school today, Kireiko?" Kireiko paused, halfway up the stairs. "Fine... I guess." * * * * * * * * * Keiko stepped inside. Darkness flared around her in a rather spectacular feat of special effects; she had found the spell earlier, and thought that it looked pretty cool. She'd be darned if she could figure out what it was FOR, though... She peeked hungrily into he bag. [Lots and lots and LOTS of cool stuff for spells! This will be great! And those Cthulhu tentacles Matsuro-kun gave me...] She examined the sticky gifts. A few were beginning to melt due to air exposure, but most of them were still intact. [Perfect! This will be SO fun!!!] She walked into the kitchen and laughed evilly at her parents. "OH-HOHOHOHOHOO!!" Her mother didn't look up from her knitting. "How was school, dear?" Keiko smirked. "I didn't go to school today, mom. I joined forces with a band of sailor-suited warriors and saved the world from total destruction." "That's nice, dear." her father commented monotonously, not taking his eyes from the newspaper in his hands. "You need good grades if you want to go to a good college." Keiko clutched her head in exasperation. "AARGH!" "Keiko," her mother chided, "don't yell in exasperation like that. It's not polite." * * * * * * * * * Matsuro looked around his apartment. His EMPTY apartment. No dwarfs. No dead relatives. No valkyries, and that skinny guy with the pale skin was nowhere in sight. Maybe finally-- The two dwarfs, followed by the spectres of his mother and his aunt, walked out of the hole in reality that had just opened in front of him. Matsuro groaned. No such luck. Dalin waved at the hole, as it closed. "Bye, Elric! See ya tomorrow!" He noticed Matsuro, and grinned. "Heya, boss! Why the long face?" His mother's decapitated head, covered in saran wrap, hovered in front of him. "Hello, son. How was it to save the world?" Matsuro shrugged and dropped into a chair. "Fine, I guess." The head nodded, and turned into a set of Tiki dolls. "Any grandchildren yet?" they asked. Matsuro groaned again. Maybe saving the world wasn't such a good idea, after all. * * * * * * * * * Tejina sweatdropped as she looked at the green-haired woman lying on her bed, reading one of her few manga and giggling like a schoolgirl. This wasn't going to be easy. She glanced at Hanaki, who was mirroring her uneasiness. [Must be harder on her,] Tejina thought. [She's known Ayame for her entire life...] She sat down on the bed. Ayame looked up at her. "Uh, Ayame..." she began. "Yeah, sis?" Ayame asked, looking up in cute concern. Tejina's sweat glands went into overtime. "Ayame, you're not my sister." Ayame blinked in confusion. "Huh?" "You're our mom," Hanaki helpfully replied. The green-haired woman blinked again. "No, I'm not." Tejina sighed. "Yes, you are." Ayame shook her head, grinning. "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are!" Tejina replied, starting to get a bit mad. Ayame smiled cunningly. "If I was your mother, I'd be at least 20 years older than you two, right?" They nodded. "Then shouldn't I look a bit older, then?" Hanaki and Tejina blinked in synchrony. [That's true,] Tejina thought. [In fact, she looks even younger than usual...] Ayame grinned. "Got you there!" [Damn! Walked right into that one...] Tejina thought. "Okay, but that's because you happen to look very youthful... you're actually in your forties, and..." Ayame's smile vanished in the blink of an eye. "This is some joke, right?" She looked at them, tears forming in her eyes. "You know I don't like when you two play tricks on me..." She burst out crying. "You're mean!" Daisy chose the moment to enter the room, and promptly boggled upon the sight of the green-haired woman. "Another one? Tejina, how many sisters DO you have?" Ayame stared at the cat through tear-filled eyes. "A... a talking cat?! AAAHH!!!" She looked at the room's other occupants, and their total lack of terror-filled expressions. "Okay, so talking cats doesn't surprise you?" She turned to the camera. "Man, are they numbed, or what?" Tejina blinked several times. "Who..." she began, but shook her head. Never mind. "Daisy, that's Ayame, our mom. Only she thinks she's our sister." Ayame snickered cutely. "Of course I'm their sister! I'm the same age and look the same and all... how couldn't I be their sister?" Tejina would have sweated more, had it been physically possible. "Well now," Daisy said, reaching out with her mystical and unexplained (and usually over-rated) advisor senses, "Your name is... Ayame, and your age is... 17 years and five months... huh?" Tejina and Hanaki fell over twitching, because that's what you're supposed to do when you're an anime character. "See?" Ayame beamed, grinning. She then picked up Daisy and nearly crushed her in a hug. "Such a smart kitty! Say, if my sisters are these cool heroines, then am I one, too?" "Urk," Daisy replied, slightly muffled. Tejina was about to reply with a sincere "NO!", but... "Actually, you're Sailor Exposition." Hanaki said with a smirk. Ayame's green eyes lit up. "Cool!" Before anyone could stop her, she took out a small item, and shouted "Extreme description power, MAKE UP!" After the expensive special effects had died down, the two girls and one cat stared at the fuku-clad girl posing in front of them. "Say hello to Sailor Exposition!" Ayame said, doing the V-sign with both hands. "Now look what you did, Han," Tejina accused. Daisy boggled. "This is highly unusual." * * * * * * * * * A great force resided in the sewer sanctum of the Cult of Cthulhu, local #39924-91. Jodi Foster. "So what you're saying is that I'm NOT going to star in your monster movie, like those two clowns said..." Jodi indicated Knoll and Taro. "...but you actually want me to MARRY your GOD, the 'Great Cthulhu'? "thAt's rIght, mIss fOstEr." Maynard replied. She frowned at him. "Can you take off that mask, hon? I can hardly make out what you're saying." "I'm nOt wEArIng A mAsk, mIss fOstEr." She blinked. "Huh. And I suppose that fish-frog-whatever thing in the pond really is your leader?" "that's right, miss foster." the Deep One known as His Eminence burbled. "and by the way, i've seen all your movies." She shrugged. "Okay, I've seen weirder stuff. After all, Hollywood is a pretty bizarre place..." Brother Maynard rubbed his temples as the prattling woman started talking about people she knew in Hollywood. Several cultists were actually listening. [hOw cAn OnE wOmAn bE sO InfUrIAtIng? I swEAr, I'll...] He caught himself. [nO, nO, I cAn't bE thInkIng thOsE thOUghts whEn wE'rE sO clOsE... bEsIdEs, shE'll bE mY rUlEr thEn... I'd bEttEr stAy On hEr gOOd sIdE.] Chthonic energy crackled between his hands. [bUt If shE mEssEs Up In AnY wAY...] Jodi leaned on the edge of His Eminence's tank. "So this Cthulhu guy... is he cute? And rich, or something?" "well..." His Eminence began. With a loud clang, an even greater force had entered the sanctum. Jodi looked up. "Hi, Ron! You got my phonecall, I see." Several cultists shivered as Jodi Foster's agent strode into the light. * * * * * * * * * Armoury # four was deserted. Actually, the note on the door said that the personnel were out on lunch; this was because "Out on a search to find two missing swords on pain of being forced to eat lots and lots of Asgard Crispies by the Valkyries - yes, THE Valkyries, and probably not back in a long, long time" would have sounded awkward, and besides there wouldn't be enough room on the note for all that. Regardless of the reason, the place was being deserted, save for the two leather-clad louts plundering it. Many louts would have taken offense at being called such, but these two were card-carrying louts, and quite proud of it. In some professions, you have to be happy with the little things. One of the louts, who, unlike his lout-in-arms, was short and wearing a thin beard, rummaged around under the counter, throwing out the dust of ages. He pulled out a small keg, unplugged it, and smelled the escaping vapors appreciatively. "Aah... Ilithel's Dew '45, I'd say. A fine century." He plugged it again and took out a few coins. "Bah, just copper. Thank the gods I didn't end up in a place like this." His tall and dark-haired lout companion leaned out of the door to the other storeroom. "Bjorn, you know those Swords of Duality you talked about?" The lout now identified as Bjorn looked up from his search. "They're in the large barrel, Volf. I saw them as late as last month." Volf the lout simply shook his head. Bjorn frowned. "You sure? Didja count'em?" "I can see when a barrel is empty, Bjorn." Volf replied, looking slightly indignant. Bjorn scratched his beard in confusion. "Weird... I wonder where they could've gone..." * * * * * * * * * Tokyo was being destroyed; no doubt about it. The fires and explosions were a telltale sign, as were the huge Destructo Beams (tm) striking buildings at random. Tejina looked around in confusion at the mayhem. The Tejina clones ran all over the place, destroying buildings and other clones alike, seemingly at random and with the survival instinct of the average lemming. None of the clones looked exactly like the original; a Tejina clad in a ninja outfit was abseiling down a tall building, and one clone setting fire to a tree had a mechanical hand, it seemed. One clone was sitting in a flying chair, stroking a fat white cat, and firing Destructo Beams (tm) at things. Several of the dead clones were wearing red shirts. The only thing they had in common were their dyed blue hair. [What is this?] Tejina thought. [Is this one of those apoplectic dreams Matsuro keeps talking about? And why is there no sound?] In fact, there was not a single sound. Buildings burned silently, things exploded without sound, and clones died, gurgling soundlessly. Then she saw the other clones, far away... they were different. They weren't running around mindlessly; they were working orderly and carefully. In fact, they seemed to be building something. In fact, even though they hadn't even finished the foundation, she could see what it was... She gawked. "WHAT?" Hanaki and Ayame appeared in front of her. At first she thought they were clones, but their hair was their trademark purple and green. "Is this what you want?" Hanaki asked, sounding serious. "Or is it what you don't want?" Ayame asked, absolutely not sounding serious. "I..." Tejina began. Everything went white. * * * * * * * * * "Agh!" Tejina awoke with a start, and looked around. Her room surrounded her; her bed, her desk, her stereo, her mother sleeping on a futon on the floor. Muffled snores came from Hanaki's room next door. She looked at the green-haired woman... girl, if Daisy was right. "Mom.. sis." She snickered at the situation. "This is weird." "And tEjInA scOrEs AgAIn!" Tejina spun around. One of the walls had mysteriously vanished, and been replaced by a huge wheel, a huge neon sign reading "WHEEL OF SURPRISES", and the deformed form of Brother Maynard. On her other side, a small but excited audience had appeared. "wEll, tEjInA, wIll YOU AccEpt YOUr prIcE nOw, Or tAkE AnOthEr qUEstIOn?" Brother Maynard hissed. Tejina screamed. Everything went white. * * * * * * * * * "Agh!" Tejina awoke with a start, and looked around. Her room surrounded her; her bed, her desk, her stereo, her mother sleeping on a futon on the floor. Muffled snores came from Hanaki's room next door. She looked at the green-haired woman... girl, if Daisy was right. "Mom.. sis." She snickered at the situation. "This is weird." She looked around. No enemies or monsters anywhere. Turning around revealed nothing more than a wall with rather boring wallpaper. Satisfied that everything was the way it should, she laid down to sleep again. This time, she dreamed of saving the world with her music, being crowned as sovereign Queen of the World, and having Matsuro and Kireiko as Court Fools. Kireiko looked rather funny with bells on, she decided. * * * * * * * * * Somewhere in Kyoto... A girl, wearing a simple school uniform, walked down the dark streets. From her hurried pace, one could deduce that she was feeling rather anxious, or possibly nervous. The monster grinned in the darkness, showing off its razor teeth. Skulking after the girl, leaping from shadow to shadow. It drooled with anticipation, awaiting the moment it could sink its teeth into her flesh, taste the sharp tang of her fear, and... It decided that it couldn't wait any longer. With a snarl, it leapt out at her, landing behind her on all four, and roared horribly. The girl turned around, fear written over her face... ...then, the fear vanished into a smirk. Raising one hand, she said a simple transformation phrase, and was engulfed in bright light. The monster reeled back from the light. When it faded, the girl was wearing a fuku. A WHITE fuku. White skirt, white leotard, white boots, white gloves, and a white tiara, with a white gem in it. Even her blonde hair had turned white; only her blue eyes offered any color. She grinned wickedly. "I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes - I wanna be the last thing that you see when you're falling asleep..." She raised one hand against the monster. "BLINDING LIGHT OF ETERNITY!" A beam of intensely bright light struck the monster right into its eyes, blinding it. It flailed around in the darkness, when another voice spoke up. "Good job, Light! My turn!" The owner of the voice stepped out of the shadows. Had the monster been able to see, he would have seen another sailor-suited girl, this one wearing grey and dull brown colors, and having short, brown hair. She struck a pose. "DESPAIRING MOOD STEALER!" The monster floundered in the darkness. Suddenly, everything felt so... dull. Nothing was worth living for... it wanted to just die. It sank to its knees. Another girl stepped out of the shadows, giggling softly. This one's fuku was the total opposite of her drab companion's; she looked like she had been caught in a paintball war. Blue, red, green, yellow, purple, and dozens of other colors, covered her from her boots and up. Her hair was dyed hot pink. She snickered. "Having fun with your toy, Yaki?" The drab-suited girl looked at her companion with a wicked grin. "A bit, Hatred. Would you like to have a go?" She then frowned. "And you shall refer to me as Sailor Despair, not Yaki!" "Okay, Yaki." the color-explosion Sailor replied. The extremely white-clad Sailor Light giggled. The now-named Sailor Hatred looked the monster over, and looked disappointed. "No, no fun with this one. Not the kind of fun," she licked her lips, "that I'd like to have." She shrugged. "I'll just kill it." She raised both her hands, and her eyes started to glow red. Multi-colored energy charged up her arms. "SOUL OF HATRED!" She pointed her hands at the cowering creature, and the energy leapt off her in the shape of a ghostly apparition, ripping through the monster in a gristly fashion that would have made any sane person sick. The girls looked on with avid interest. "And another one bites the dust!" Sailor Hatred said, as the remnants stopped twitching. "Now was that fun or what?" "Another of those foul beasts is cleansed from the world," Sailor Light commented. Despair nodded. "We'll have to get rid of them all. After all, how will we be able to lay the world under us when these elements of chaos are running around, making a mess of things?" "Oh, I don't think I want the WHOLE world..." Hatred said, looking wistful. "Just some town somewhere, a nice, big house, and a few dozen boyfriends. Oh, and maybe a few..mflr..." Despair covered the colorful Sailor's mouth. "That's enough of THAT, hentai." She released the girl, who fortunately had the brains to not continue. "We'd better detransform." Some colorful special effects later, three girls walked down the street. Sailor Light was once again wearing her school uniform, Sailor Despair (aka Yaki) was wearing worn dockers and a duster, and Sailor Hatred wore... well, suffice to say that she could have been thrown out of a Pink Floyd concert for dressing too garish. Yaki wrinkled her nose. "How can you dress so horribly, Yumeko?" Yumeki (aka Sailor Hatred) sneered. "How can you dress so BLAND?" "Oh yeah?" Yaki replied, turning to face her compatriot. "At least I don't..." "SHUUUTT UUUP!!!" Their blonde leader (possibly) yelled at them. The two bickering girls stopped dead in their tracks, at least until the ringing in their ears stopped. "I can't believe you two! You argue and argue and argue at any possible opportunity! Are we supposed to be a team or WHAT?" She smirked. It looked frighteningly natural on her face. "Once we've dominated this city, I'm sure you'll get into the feel of being part of a team." Yumeki frowned. "Is Kahi cooking up his old plans again, Mariko?" Mariko (aka Sailor Light) smiled excessively happily, suddenly looking like the Prozac Poster Girl. "Yes, Kahi says so. He'll know what to do." Yaki snorted derisively. "You spend too much time talking to that animal, Mariko." "You know," Yumeki leered, "I think she does more than just talk with the thing..." Mariko spun around to face her giggling cohorts. "You shouldn't..." She sighed and slumped her shoulders. "Why do I even bother... I'm going home." Yumeki nodded. "Tomorrow at your place, then? Around five?" "Yeah. I'll see if Ka... I'll see if I can find rumors of some other monsters." Mariko desperately hoped they'd let her get away with that. "Hey, didn't you see that news flash a few days ago?" Yumeki said. There were LOTS of monsters in... what was the district... Iogama, I think..." Yaki frowned. "Isn't that in Tokyo?" Mariko grabbed her pink-haired team-mate by her shoulders. "You've found monsters?!" she said, excited. "Lots of monsters? In Tokyo?" "Y-y-yeah, b-but that w-was se-several days a-ago." She managed to break herself free from the blonde girl's vise-like grip. "Besides, I've checked my resources... those monsters vanished almost immediately. There's nothing saying that they'll be there when we get there." For a moment, mount Fuji appeared behind Mariko, and huge waves crashed around her. "Girls, we shall go to Tokyo." "Hate to break your bubble..." Yaki commented, "...but none of us have enough money to go to Tokyo." Mariko blinked. "No money?" She shook her head dismissively. "No problem! We can walk, or something! Or hitch-hike!" She grinned. "Pack your bags, girls. We leave tomorrow morning!" With that, she ran off down the street, laughing in a rather disturbing way. Yaki watched their 'leader' run off. "That girl needs to cut down on her coffee." Yumeki smirked. "Or maybe she needs to get some." Yaki blinked. "Some what?" She paused, and then rolled her eyes. "Don't bother answering." They stood in silence for a while. "I've been thinking of something..." Yumeki began. Yaki snorted. "Don't bother. I know perfectly well what you usually think about." Yumeki giggled. "Not that! What I meant was... a lot of people probably think we kill monsters to make the world a better place." "Really?" "Yeah." "How terribly cliché." Yaki cracked her knuckles. "Let's go find some of those and hurt them." Yumeki shrugged. "Could be fun." * * * * * * * * * That very same night, at the top of Tokyo Tower... A man was standing next to the railing, looking out over the city. What he was doing here was a mystery. How he had gotten up here was also a mystery, since the tower closes at the evening. He has strangely pale skin and hair that flowed in the high winds, and his facial features tells any observer that this man clearly is not Japanese; his features verge more towards American, but there is something more... The man grinned, showing off two large fangs. "Finally, I'm here. Tokyo. Such a beautiful city, full of life..." His fanged smile vanished, as he took out a small framed picture, and looked at it. "Farewell, old girl. Here starts my new life." He then tossed it over the rail, far far away. He grinned again, and climbed up on the railing. "Let's see what this city has to offer, then." With that, he leapt off the railing. Spike had arrived in Tokyo. * * * * * * * * * "...so THEN, finally, we managed to get her to detransform. I mean, REALLY!" Tejina said, exasperated. "Uh-huh." Becky replied, between mouthfuls. "And Daisy had no idea how she did it?" To celebrate their recent successfull saving of the world, Tejina, Hanaki and Becky were out shopping, and they were currently seated at a mall restaurant, eating lunch and discussing what to do about Ayame. The green-haired girl herself was busy trying on clothes in a store nearby, and had said that she would get something to eat on her own. Tejina sipped her soda. "Nope. She said she had to go talk to Rover and Charles before she could present anything concrete, which, in normal Japanese, probably means 'I don't know'." "I asked Pepper." Hanaki said. "He started babbling about polynominal singularities and unaligned reality factors until I fell asleep. Which, in normal Japanese, probably means 'I don't know, but I'll never admit it'." Tejina took another bite, and sighed. "Figures. Well, we'll probably find out, sooner or later. I can only say thank god that my parents are away this week... Hey, weren't Aki supposed to join us?" Becky blinked. "Oh! Oh yeah, I tried to reach her in the phone, but she wasn't in, apparently. First I got her dad, who spent ten minutes laughing at me and telling me how he'd destroy us all with his super-secret plan that involved moon beams, apparently." Hanaki blinked. "Moon beams?" Becky shrugged. "Don't ask. Then, on the second attempt, T-kun answered and explained that Aki was out, but that one of the minions were with her to keep her safe from harm, or something." Hanaki grinned over her plate. "'T-kun'? That's a rather affectionate name, Becky..." Becky blushed slightly. "I don't know him, or anything... he just--" Two pairs of metal feet landed on several hundred yen's worth of good food, crushing it completely. As one, the girls looked up, to see the rest of the robot attached to the feet. Well, either it was a robot or someone was dropping modern art from the ceiling, which wouldn't have been that surprising. The thing had a rounded, armor-plated body the size of an oversized pogoball, four metal legs, two protruding arms with claws, and a long telescopic neck with a round head attached. On the chest (or what passed as one), a metal plate was attached, with the words inscribed: [Property of The Mad Scientist's League Of Japan. Not available for lease. Absolutely Not A Mantis, Really. Serial number 18736/375-3 and ask for Fifi.] It looked utterly ridiculous. The girls stared at it. "What on God's green Earth is that thing?" Tejina said. Hanaki read the inspription, since it happened to be on her side. "'Mad Scientist's League'? And who's Fifi?" Becky lapsed into BA-3. "I suspect a secret government operation. Take a look." They all looked in the direction she pointed, and saw dozens upon dozens of robots invading the mall. "Uh-oh." was all that Tejina said. * * * * * * * * * WILL TEJINA ACCEPT HER NEW 'SISTER'? HOW WILL THEY DEAL WITH THEIR NEW SAILOR? HOW WILL THE NAKAOS REACT? WILL BROTHER MAYNARD KILL JODI FOSTER FOR BEING INFURIATING? ARE THE VOID SPIRITS GONE FOR GOOD? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER SWORDS OF DUALITY? WHAT ARE THOSE OTHER SAILORS UP TO? HOW SHORT ARE THEIR SKIRTS? WHAT DID THOSE TEJINA CLONES BUILD? WILL THE DARKVERSE CONTINUE THEIR FUTILE ATTEMPTS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD? WILL VILLYN? WILL TEJINA? WILL SPIKE? IS HE IC, ANYWAY? WHERE DID ALL THOSE ROBOTS COME FROM? WHICH FIFI ARE WE TALKING ABOUT, HERE? WILL HANAKI HAVE PEPPER WITH HER, OR IS SHE ONCE AGAIN DOOMED TO BE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS? AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED WITH AYAME? Some of these questions might or might not be answered by the fanfic writer from down under, Steven Scougall! Give him a hand, everyone! *clap clap clap* ------- Author's afterwords: You're probably asking yourselves: How crazy am I? Well, crazy enough to write this episode. Enough said. C&C is very welcome. This means send me lots! The adress is J_Streith@telebot.net See you soon, Minna-san! ^_^