DG42//"One on One (My Heart is a Tarantula)"//Dave Menendez

Tejina stifled a yawn and tried to focus. She could see the
teacher looking her way; he had been watching her closely since
class began. If he caught her nodding off... Well, it wouldn't be
pretty, judging by the row of iron pokers resting in the bed of
coals near the desk. They were glowing a dull, angry red. Tejina
shivered and tried to pay attention to the lecture.
     It really wasn't fair, she reflected. It wasn't that she
*wanted* to shirk her schoolwork--she didn't! But she had bigger
problems now. Huge, world-threatening problems. If she ignored
them to make time for her schoolwork, the world itself might end
and then *nobody* would be able to do schoolwork. Her teachers
didn't want that, did they?
     She glanced down at her desk and blinked. Her notes--which
she took great pains to keep neat, or at least legible--were all
blurry! When had *this* happened? How was she supposed to use
them now? In fact, it was actually getting worse! Her carefully-
written characters had duplicated themselves, and the characters
in each pair were slowly gliding away from each other, like cells
undergoing mitosis. She reached over to try and force them back
together, but instead of her familiar right hand, she saw two
identical copies of her right hand that seemed to overlap in
space. She stared. What could this mean?
     Suddenly, as if warned by some sixth sense, she felt a
presence looming over her. She looked up and saw the teacher
standing by her desk, annoyance written all over his face and
posture. Seeing that he had her attention, he politely inquired
as to whether his class was keeping her awake.
     Tejina stared, the fog in her mind becoming more oppressive.
She knew she had to say something, but what? "Yes" and "No" were
both bad answers, but a perplexed silence would be even worse.
She opened her mouth, but the only sound that came out was a low
moan.
     The teacher frowned, twisting the spike of panic lodged in
her heart. It wasn't fair! She couldn't help being sleepy, she
had been up late last night with the Harbringers... and a bunch
of other people... in a room... doing something...
     Tejina noticed the teacher walking towards the pokers, and
her panic crystallized. With a cry of despair, she ran to her
room and collapsed on her bed. A few deep breaths later, she sat
up and massaged her forehead. The fog was clearing, her thoughts
becoming less slippery. She looked around her room. Everything
seemed in order: her bed was made, her desk was clean, and the
bio-tanks lining the walls were filled with dormant clones. She
waved her hand slowly and the clones' vacant eyes moved to track
it. She could just barely hear their soft giggling.
     She stood. Now that she had caught her breath, the panic was
gone. In fact, she couldn't even remember what she'd been so
scared about. She smiled and headed for the door. All was well.
     Only... surely the nutrient fluid wasn't supposed to be so
red, was it? She went to take a closer look, her clone-sisters
watching her every step. Their giggles grew louder as she
approached. Everything seemed fine... except for that one clone
missing a hand... and it's arm was dissolving as she watched. She
looked up and saw her own face staring back through dead eyes. It
was still laughing. Tejina jumped back in terror, but now the
other clones were dissolving and they were all still giggling and
their soulless eyes were watching her and--

     "IYAAAAAAA!"

     Someone was holding her, softly whispering comforting words.
A few moments later, she realized it was Sakyou. "Don't worry,"
he said, "you're safe now. Insofar as being trapped in a small
sub-reality with the Five Gods and all their chosen warriors can
be called 'safe', that is."
     "Thank you," Tejina said weakly. "That's very comforting."
     It seemed to take the handsome Harbringer a few seconds to
decide that she wasn't being sarcastic. "That must have been some
nightmare."
     Tejina shuddered. "I'd rather be here than there." The six
Harbringers were trapped in a circle of light surrounded by an
impenetrable barrier. Outside, in the darkness, were four other
circles containing the Seals and the other mystical warriors. In
the center, not bound by any circle but still trapped, were the
Five Gods themselves. There was only one element missing from
their gathering.
     "Where is Matsuro?" asked Yoruko softly. "We can't have the
final battle without Matsuro."

                                 *

     Matsuro stared up at the Tokyo Tower, rather nonplussed. He
and the tower appeared to be in the eye of a massive cyclone that
whirled around him violently, yet soundlessly. Beyond the
maelstrom might lie Tokyo, the plains of Mars, or an endless void
as far as he could tell. This was not the source of his
confusion. He had been running in a group with Aki, Becky, Keiko,
and that weirdo Hiryuu, but now he was alone. This also was not
the source of his confusion. Moments earlier, he had entered the
tower--ignoring several warnings from his dead mother--stepped
into a cloud of darkness, stumbled through a non-world so devoid
of sensation he couldn't even hear his own breathing, and then
ended up here. Outside Tokyo Tower.
     Obviously, magic was involved. Tokyo Tower did not contain
itself. It was probably another false reality, like the one the
Seals had trapped him and Tejina in before. But if the Seals had
created this, where were they? He didn't think they would go to
the trouble of trapping him without trying to recruit him or
taunt him or *something*.
     It might be the Darkverse, he reflected. After all, Paris had
a Tokyo Tower, why not the Darkverse?
     The eerie silence was shattered by a single word, spoken with
the sound of a thousand crypts slamming shut before a thousand
megaphones.
     MATSURO, boomed the voice. It didn't seem to be coming from
anywhere, which made replying difficult. Matsuro shrugged and
addressed the tower.
     "Yes? What is it?"
     YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED TO SPEAK WITH THE ONE. A GUIDE WILL
ARRIVE PRESENTLY TO LEAD YOU INTO THE TOWER. DO NOT SEEK TO ENTER
THE TOWER BEFORE THE GUIDE ARRIVES.
     He had been summoned *by* the One? "What do you mean? I
thought *I* was the One, and I'm pretty sure I didn't summon
myself here."
     The only answer was the endless silence of the maelstrom
surrounding him.
     "Hello?"
     Nothing. Matsuro began to realize how alone he was, with only
a disembodied voice to keep him company. Something was not right.
Actually, there was very little about the situation that was
right, but beyond that he felt threatened. He reached into his
chest to draw his sword, but his hand collided with his ribcage.
     *I can't reach my sword. I don't even have that stupid
spoon.* He squinted up at the tower. *I suddenly don't feel like
waiting for this "guide".* He started walking towards the
entrance, prompting another warning from the Voice.
     A GUIDE WILL ARRIVE PRESENTLY TO LEAD YOU INTO THE TOWER. DO
NOT SEEK TO ENTER THE TOWER BEFORE THE GUIDE ARRIVES. RESISTANCE
IS VOLTAGE DIVIDED BY CURRENT.
     Matsuro ignored the warning and kept walking, finally
stopping when he smacked into an invisible barrier. Taking a step
back, he rubbed his nose and glared at the tower.
     WE WARNED YOU.
     "Oh, shut up."

                                 *

     The Leader of the Harbringers poked at the impenetrable
barrier which surrounded them. "A pity we don't have any har. It
would be quite useful in escaping, and it also makes a convenient
light snack."
     "Wait," said Tejina, "*none* of you have any har? Are you
*sure* you're the legendary distributors of har?"
     "We are," said Sakyou.
     "Then how come none of you ever *have* any har?"
     "Hey," said Yoruko irritably, "I had some har just half an
hour ago."
     Tejina narrowed her eyes. "But you don't have it now?"
     "Uh... no. I already distributed it."
     "I see."

                                 *

     Dark General Malaise approached the throne room warily, like
a squirrel eyeing a morsel of food held out by a college student.
The Queen had spent the previous evening going through General
Lessente's liquor collection, and she was evidently a bit grumpy.
She was not hung-over, though. Ayesse had suggested that she
might be, and the Queen had calmly pointed out that Dark Queens
do not *get* hung-over before ejecting him from the throne room.
Through a window.
     "How is she?" Malaise whispered.
     Mohjojiujoovuuduwhodew looked up from a small hole in the
door that had mysteriously never been repaired. Mostly because it
let people gauge the mood in the throne room before entering.
     "She's been watching that Doomed Romance Movie Marathon since
breakfast," said Vuudu. "I think they're showing Kurosawa's
remake of 'Fugitive Alien' right now."
     Malaise winced. "She *is* depressed."
     "Not as much as Ayesse," Vuudu said wryly. "Evidently he
landed badly after he got defenestrated and broke his third-best
pair of sunglasses."
     Malaise gasped in mock-horror, and the two shared a quiet
snicker. It was a pity the Queen was in such a bad mood, or
Malaise might invite Vuudu out, but duty came first. Malaise
reached for the door.
     "Wait," said Vuudu, "you're not going in there, are you?"
     Malaise nodded. "Yes. Duty comes first."
     "Oh." The court astrologer considered that and frowned.
"Which duty is that again?"
     "I'm not sure, but if the Queen stays this depressed, it's
bound to be a bad thing. Ayesse only has so many pairs of
sunglasses."
     Before Vuudu could respond, Malaise pushed into the throne
room. The Queen remained fixed on the dark crystal that could
plumb the depths of mystery and call forth the powers of darkest
evil and also received free premium cable. The androgynous
general could just barely see the movie. It looked like one
character was trying to kill another with a forklift.
     "My Queen?" said Malaise.
     Charity glanced at her subordinate irritably. "What is it?
I'm in the middle of a movie."
     "Ah. Perhaps Villyn-san will be able to meet with you some
other time."
     *That* got her attention. "He wants to see me? Now?"
     Malaise shrugged. "I haven't spoken with him directly. I'm
sure we could find some other time that would be better for you."
     "Oh no," said the Queen, "we mustn't keep him waiting."
     Malaise bowed and did not mention that Villyn wouldn't be
waiting one way or the other, since he didn't know they were
coming. Sometimes, it was how one phrased the truth that made all
the difference.

                                 *

     "Ow!" Keiko stepped back and rubbed her nose. She had walked
right into a pane of glass. "There's glass walls in here, too?
Who *designed* this place?"
     The three of them had been wandering lost since they had
entered the darkness inside Tokyo Tower. Somehow, they had been
transformed back into their street clothes and separated from
Matsuro and Hiryuu. They found themselves in an endless maze of
stone corridors and begun exploring. Eventually, Becky discovered
an exit that took them to an endless maze of brick corridors. Aki
and Keiko agreed that it was an improvement, although both had
secretly wished for a more dramatic exit leading to, say,
someplace that wasn't an endless maze.
     Eventually they worked their way through endless mazes of
brick, sheet-rock, America Online floppy discs, cardboard, and
fudge. They were currently in an endless maze that appeared to be
all mirrors, except that there were apparently a few glass walls
as well.
     "I hate this place!" Keiko was complaining. "I want out! Out!
Out!" She hammered on a wall in frustration.
     "Be careful," advised Becky. "If you break that, it's seven
years bad luck."
     Keiko stopped. "Really?"
     "It probably doesn't matter," Becky admitted. "Last I heard,
the world was coming to an end. You might not have time."
     "How comforting."
     The trio started out again, taking more care to watch for
glass walls. Breaking a glass wall didn't have the bad luck of
breaking a mirror, but it carried the same risk of serious
injury.
     "So," said Aki, "what do you think the next maze will be?"
     "Wooden paneling," said Keiko.
     "Anime posters," suggested Becky.
     Keiko rolled her eyes. "There's not going to be a maze of
anime posters."
     "Hey, you got the maze of fudge."
     Keiko did not deign to answer.

                                 *

     Karen knocked on the door and prayed that the one she sought
was inside. She didn't have much time--she couldn't leave the
Department of Mystical Destinies without a receptionist for too
long. "Come on," she muttered. "Be here."
     The door opened and a Valkyrie leaned out, fixing Karen with
a curious, slightly unfocused look. "You are here for the party?"
     Karen blinked. "Uh... is Akemi here?"
     "In the kitchen, I am thinking."
     Karen thanked her--always be polite to large, nordic women,
her mother had taught her--and went to find the kitchen. As she
had hoped, the ghost of Matsuro's mother was indeed in the
kitchen, where she was losing a game of solitaire to her equally-
dead sister Itako.
     "*Why Karen, what brings you to my son's apartment?*"
     "I was hoping to speak with you, Ms... uh..."
     "*'Akemi' is fine, dear. Now, why don't you sit down and tell
me your problem?*"
      Karen did so, and accepted a spectral glass of tea from
Itako. (She didn't drink from it, though. She knew enough folk
tales to make that prospect unappealing.) "I've been doing some
research into your son's case in my spare time. You know, trying
to figure out why the cross quantum perambulations... that is,
I've been wondering why so many lines of fate have been tied to
his life."
     Itako nodded. "*It's good to see your dedication to your
work.*"
     "Something like that." She turned back to Akemi. "I don't
know how it happened, but I believe the whatever caused it
happened deliberately. Someone has interfered with your son's
fate."
     "*Is that a problem?*" asked Akemi. "*I'm not being callous,
but having his bride reincarnate as his sister does tidy up that
nasty love triangle.*"
     "I know, but..." she trailed off as a dwarf teetered into the
kitchen, grabbed a six pack from the fridge, and tottered out
again. "I... I... what's going on out there, anyway?"
     "*The Valkyries stopped by with some mead,*" Itako explained.
"*They're having a little pre-Ragnarok party with Matsuro's dwarf
friends,*"
     Karen shook her head a few times and brought her tea to her
lips--remembering at the last moment not to partake of the
beverages of the dead. "That's right," she said. "Something
triggered the Final Battle between the Five Gods. Someone is
messing with Matsuro's destiny, and this is probably part of it.
He's your son; I don't have the connection to him that you do,
and he's been taken someplace where I can't find him. Please help
me."
     Akemi glanced at her sister, and some wordless communication
seemed to pass between them. "*All right,*" the ghost said at
last, putting down her ephemeral beverage. "*But I don't know how
much help I can be. I am dead, after all.*"

                                 *

     As he had predicted, Matsuro didn't feel especially comforted
by the arrival of his guide. It was a huge man-like creature, as
tall as an American basketball player but thick and muscular. It
was wearing a metal and plastic helmet with one big, glowing eye
in the center of its face. It looked like he could beat up
Kireiko in his full oni form.
     YOUR GUIDE HAS ARRIVED, commented the mysterious voice. DO
NOT BE AFRAID. HE WILL NOT HARM YOU.
     Probably that just meant that someone else would be doing the
harming. Matsuro looked at the silent vortex surrounding him and
decided that he would take that chance. The giant stood quietly
in the entrance, waiting for him.
     Matsuro squared his shoulders and stepped forward. No
invisible barrier blocked his path. Before him, his guide waited
to lead him into the Tokyo Tower within Tokyo Tower. Matsuro
grimaced, his mother's warning nagging him from the back of his
mind.
     With an almost-audible *thud*, he walked into the giant's
upturned palm. Matsuro took a step back. He felt like he had
walked into a stone wall. Again. He tried to step to the side,
but his guide moved to block his path.
     "What now?" he asked irritably.
     The giant gestured at the welcome mat in front of the
entrance and then returned its attention to Matsuro. Grumbling,
the bishounen teenager scuffled his feet on the mat.
     "You happy?"
     The giant nodded and stepped into the tower. After one last
glance at the silent winds behind him, Matsuro moved to follow.

                                 *

     "I don't think this is going to work."
     "Nonsense, it's a great plan. You're just upset because the
last time we tried it, it blew up in our faces."
     "Well... yeah. That *is* why I'm concerned. We've blown
whatever goodwill you've accumulated, and Aki knows what we look
like now."
     "Ah, but this time we'll be in disguise."
     "..."
     "Oh, don't look so worried. Relax! Once Aika gets here, we'll
be ready."

                                 *

     Karen could not remember the last time the Department of
Mystical Destinies had been so deserted. It was as if everyone
had suddenly disappeared. Lights were on, doors were half-open,
coffee pots were half-full. There was a strange tension in the
air, as if some giant harp string had been struck and the entire
office was silently resonating--but Karen had checked the
office's giant harp string, and it seemed undisturbed.
     "*What shall we do?*" asked Akemi. For a dead woman, she
didn't seem very patient. Karen tried to think of the next step,
but she couldn't concentrate. The walls seemed to be closing in
on her, or maybe they were moving further away and space itself
was shrinking.
     "Something's wrong," Karen mumbled.
     "*I thought that much was obvious.*"
     Karen stumbled towards the machine room, not caring if her
deceased comrade followed. The way was not long, but the hallways
curved where they should be straight and the distances she
remembered didn't match the distances she walked.
     "*Strange architecture,*" Akemi commented, after they passed
through a room with five walls at right angles to each other.
     At last, they entered the Chamber of Cogs, where the mighty
wheels of destiny turned in the silent darkness above. The
technicians who oversaw the machinery were lying unconscious on
the floor by the door. Uncomfortably aware of the toothed wheels
hanging above her, Karen tried unsuccessfully to awaken them.
     "*Matsuro!*"
     Akemi was standing by a porcelain tea service sitting on an
old, beat-up card table. She was staring into one of the teacups.
Karen gave the technician one last shake, then quickly went to
check the teacup. It was filled with tea. Orange Pekoe, from the
looks of it.
     "*I looked into the cup and I saw Matsuro,*" said Akemi. "*He
was walking into Tokyo Tower and some one-eyed giant shoved him.
Then he walked inside and it went blank.*"
     "You saw this in the teacup."
     "*Yes!*"
     Karen shrugged. She had heard of stranger things. "Let's
check the other two, then." Both held images, but neither were of
Akemi's missing son. The first was of six groups of people in a
dark space, five groups sitting in glowing circles. The other
showed three teenaged girls climbing a tremendous spiral
staircase. "Do you recognize anyone here?"
     "*No. Wait. That one on the staircase looks familiar.*"
     "Which one?"
     "*The one in black. I think she's Matsuro's girlfriend.*"
     "Can you contact her?"
     "*No, but...*" She lifted the cup to look more closely, but
the movement shattered the image. Akemi quickly returned the cup
and waited for it to settle. "*I think that one's my daughter,
Aki.*"
     Karen blinked. "Aki's your *daughter*?"

                                 *

     Aki was beginning to forget how long they had been climbing
these stairs. The three of them marched in single file, although
the stairs were easily wide enough for half a dozen people to
walk abreast. The slope was gentle as well; the endless climb was
barely more difficult than walking on a flat floor. Keiko and
Becky had been complaining only moments before (or was it
hours?), but now they trudged in silence.
     "Hey Keiko," said Becky, reaching down to pick something off
the floor. "Is this your pen?" She tossed something to the
dark-clad girl behind them.
     "Yeah," said Keiko. "Thanks. I must have dropped it."
     Becky shrugged and started walking again. Aki and Keiko
followed behind, each thinking their own thoughts. Aki, for
instance, was thinking about how she hated endless spiral
staircases.
     "*Aki...*"
     Hearing her name, she glanced forward, seeing nothing but
Becky walking in front of her. "Did you say something?" she
asked, but Becky didn't seem to hear her. "Oi! Becky!"
     The trenchcoat-wearing girl kept walking in silence.
     "*Aki...*"
     Aki stopped walking, but the stairs still slid by underneath
her. Becky and Keiko kept walking, but didn't seem to move any
closer or farther.
     "What's going on?" Aki said quietly. She wasn't unhappy about
being able to climb stairs while standing still, but the way the
world was suddenly all shades of gray disturbed her.
     "*Down here, Aki.*"
     At her feet was a tiny, doll-sized person lashed to two
crossed popsicle sticks.
     "What's going on?" Aki repeated, even more quietly. She had
heard Matsuro talk about his dreams before--she'd even walked in
on one once--but this was the first time one had been directed at
her.
     "*You must go to Tokyo Tower.*"
     "But... I'm already *in* Tokyo Tower."
     Her mother looked annoyed. "*You go to Tokyo Tower, young
lady--and don't give me any backtalk! Your brother is in great
danger.*"
     Aki sighed. "Okay, fine. So how do I get there?"
     "Get where?" asked Becky.
     Aki stopped walking, and this time she stopped moving as
well. Keiko crashed into her from behind and the two ended up
sprawled on the stairs. Aki looked around. Her mother was gone,
and the world was colored again. The advice from her mother had
ended.
     *That's it?* she thought angrily. *Go to Tokyo Tower? Matsuro
gets step-by-step instructions, and I get 'Go to Tokyo Tower'?*
     "So what's *your* problem?" asked Keiko, rubbing a new bruise
on her shin. "Too many stairs for you?"
     Aki shook her head. "We must go to Tokyo Tower."
     Keiko and Becky shared a confused look. "Aren't we already
*in* Tokyo Tower?" asked the American. "I remember walking
inside, and then there was that blackness..."
     "I'm just telling you what the dream said."
     "Great," said Keiko. "So how do we get there?"
     Becky grinned. "Maybe it's at the end of these stairs. I
mean, they've got to go *somewhere*, right?" She walked up a few
steps, paused, and picked something off the floor.
     "I'm not sure," Keiko was saying. "I've got a weird feeling
about these stairs."
     Becky held up her hand. "I think you dropped your pen again,
Keiko."
     Keiko blinked. "I must have a hole in my pocket. Weird."
     The three girls resumed their trek up the stairs.

                                 *

     "*Well,*" said Akemi. "*I've done what I can.*"
     Karen, still unsettled after learning that Matsuro and Aki
were siblings, tried to clear her head. "Do you think they'll be
able to help?"
     Akemi spread her hands. "*Hey, you're the destiny department
employee. I'm just a dead lady.*"
     "That's true." She looked at the still-unconscious fate
technicians. "Let's see what we can do for these people."
     The two left to find the office's emergency numbers, leaving
the mysterious tea set unattended beneath the Cogs of Causality.
When they returned, it was gone.

                                 *

     "There doesn't seem to be anyone downstairs, either."
     Charity Darkness Vengeance, Queen of the Darkverse,
delicately rolled her eyes. "What a wonderful plan you've
concocted: Visit the man I loved when he's not at home. I guess
that's one way to avoid an uncomfortable afternoon." She tried a
disdainful harumph, but it came out more like a choked sob. "You
know, it he sees me here, he'll probably think I'm trying to rob
him." Now she *was* sobbing. "Oh, my sweet Nemesis-chan, we were
so happy..."
     Malaise laid a comforting hand on the Queen's shoulder. "I'm
sorry, Majesty. I thought Villyn would be here and the two of you
might work things out."
     Charity glared at the General with a sudden anger. "You
thought we might 'work things out', did you? Is that part of the
oath you took? To serve the Queen and meddle in her personal
life?"
     "My Queen, I meant only--"
     The doorbell rang.
     Malaise, frozen in mid-cringe, looked towards the door.
"Should we answer it?"
     Another ring.
     "No," said the Queen. "It's not our place to answer other
people's doors. Particularly when we're in their homes
uninvited."
     "Hello?" called a strangely-familiar voice from outside the
door. "Is anyone there? It's important."
     Intrigued, Charity moved towards the door and pulled it open.
Before she could even open her mouth, the man behind the door
yelped in terror and leapt behind a bush. Charity blinked. "What
just happened?"
     The two remaining visitors glanced at each other, and the
male stepped forward. Like his vanished colleague, he was dressed
in a modest suit, although his tie had a pattern of interlocking
octagons that Charity couldn't quite picture in her mind.
     "Please forgive my companion," the man said. "He has perhaps
overindulged in caffinated beverages. The three of us represent
an alien god who seeks influence on Earth for reasons we could
not hope to comprehend. We were wondering if Aki was here?"
     Charity scratched the back of her neck. "I don't think so. I
just got here myself, and the house was empty."
     The well-dressed man looked disappointed. The third visitor
stepped forward. She was also dressed in modest business attire,
but the effect was spoiled by her mirrored sunglasses and what
appeared to be a single scar running from her forehead, through
her left eye, and down to her cheek. Her eyes were hidden, but
she seemed to be looking Charity over. She smirked. "So you're
Nemesis's new girl-toy?"
      For a moment, Charity was too shocked to even speak. "I
*beg* your pardon?"
     The strange woman continued, ignoring a warning gesture from
her companion. "I guess he's in a gothic phase now, huh?"
     "I don't know who you are," Charity growled, "but I will let
you talk about... Villyn that way. He used to love me once,
and--"
     "*NO!*"
     Charity blinked, speechless for a second time. Villyn himself
was standing on the sidewalk, his minions arrayed behind him. It
took a moment for what he had said to sink in. "Y-you mean you
*never* loved me?"
     "*NO, NOT THAT EITHER! I... ER, ONE MOMENT.*" He quickly ran
up to the door and removed his armored helm. "Sorry, my speaker
volume got stuck on max." He took a deep breath. "I know things
haven't been the best, lately, but... Look, let's talk before we
make any decisions we'll regret, okay?" He smiled, and Charity
couldn't help but smile back. He had a cute smile.
     "Hey, Nemesis," said the scarred businesswoman. "Long time,
no see."
     "Hello, Aika," said Villyn. His voice was a little cold, in
the sense that the ocean is a little wet. "Still throwing babies
in front of oncoming trains?"
     "Not recently."
     Anger and sadness washed over Villyn's face, but he steeled
himself and turned to Charity. "Shall we step inside?"
     "Let's," she replied. "Some other time," she added to Aika
and her rather frustrated-looking companion. Once the minions had
stepped inside, she closed the door and helped Villyn remove his
armored boots and replace them with his armored slippers.
     "I'll step outside and let you two be alone," said Malaise,
quickly matching words with action.
     "If I may ask," said Charity softly, "who is this Aika?"
     Villyn sighed. "I met her shortly after Natsuko died. I was
just starting out in the world-conquest field, and she had just
left her employer." His expression darkened. "Then I found
out..." He trailed off, pain evident in his face.
     "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
     Villyn shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'd rather talk
about the more recent past." He lead the Queen into the living
room, and they sat down to talk. The rift in their relationship
wouldn't be healed by one conversation, but it was a start.

                                 *

     Outside, Malaise leaned over the bush by the door and
smirked. "Hi, Esjie. Or is it 'Maeda' now?"
     "I don't know what you're talking about," said the bush. "You
must have me confused with someone else."
     "Oh. My mistake then." The androgynous general chuckled,
disappearing in a cloud of tickertape.

                                 *

     With a soft ping, the elevator arrived at Tokyo Tower's
observation deck. The one-eyed guide motioned for Matsuro to step
outside. The deck itself was an odd mixture of office and throne
room, with the occasional pay telescope thrown in for variety.
Behind the expensive-looking hardwood and marble desk was an
ornate, gilded revolving chair facing away from him. Matsuro
glanced at the guide, but the giant made no move towards or away
from the desk. Evidently, they wanted him to wait until whoever
was behind the desk revealed himself. Or herself. Whatever.
     "Hello?" said Matsuro. He didn't feel like waiting.
     The chair slowly revolved, revealing a man so strikingly
handsome that even comfortably heterosexual Matsuro was drawn to
him. Calling up skills learned while hanging around with Keiko,
Matsuro managed to show no reaction whatsoever. The man looked a
little disappointed.
     "So," he said, "we meet at last." He stood, and Matsuro
realized that the man was dressed in a polyester suit. Then he
spent several seconds trying to figure out how he could identify
the fabric just by looking.
     Without warning, Matsuro felt powerful hands grabbing him
from behind. He tried to twist away, but the one-eyed giant was
simply too strong. He was immobilized.
     "It's Matsuro, right? How are you enjoying being the One?"
The beautiful stranger walked around his desk and approached,
looking rather amused. Strangely, he didn't seem fully there. His
walk was awkward and graceful at the same time, like a film being
played at varying rates.
     "It has its moments," replied Matsuro. He mentally scanned
the various prophecies he had heard, trying to figure out who
this person was.
     "I imagine you're wondering who I am," the man said, looking
rather pleased with himself. "Or rather, who I was. We've met
before, you see. That is, I did."
     "Huh?"
     The man laughed, and Matsuro began to fear for his safety.
More so. He tried squirming, but his captor's grip seemed
unbreakable.
     "I can understand your confusion," the man said. "It's been a
long time, and we've both been dead--but *I* got better!"
     "I'm happy for you. I'm feeling rather alive myself." Maybe
this was someone he had offended in his previous life as a
Darkverse general. *I hope he isn't part of my destiny too,*
Matsuro thought. *I can barely keep track of it now.*
     The stranger poked at Matsuro's chest. "I was pretty upset
when you killed me, but after a while I realized it gave me a lot
of freedom. I wandered around these sub-realities for years,
gradually growing stronger. Then I found the Department of
Mystical Destinies." He chuckled. At length. "You wouldn't
believe who they had pegged to replace me as the One! But I had a
plan by then, see? I figured turnabout was fair play."
     "What are you talking about? You used to be the One?"
     The stranger waved a hand. "Forget about it, that was
thousands of years ago. This is now." He reached into Matsuro's
chest and withdrew the Sword of Duality. "Ahh, this takes me
back."
     "Hey!" protested Matsuro. "My mother gave me that sword!"
     "Of course she did. After I adjusted destiny, it became your
destined weapon. I know how these things work." He waved the
sword through the air. "The problem with destiny is that it
doesn't always work out. The Seals and I were certainly surprised
when your Darkverse/Crystal City coalition burst into our
ceremony."
     "So after I died, you fixed it so I'd be the One in my next
life?" It did make a certain amount of sense, but then why hadn't
the Harbringers heard of it? Wouldn't they know if their magical
apocalypse had almost happened once before?
     "Well, after you killed me with my own sword and trapped my
spirit here..." he raised the sword to Matsuro's throat, "I
figured I'd repay the favor."
     Half a dozen sarcastic replies rose to Matsuro's lips, but
his mouth was suddenly too dry to speak. Was he doomed to go
insane wandering through someone else's dream, developing an
intricate revenge scheme that would eventually lead to him
holding someone's sword at their throat while wearing a polyester
suit? Why couldn't he have stayed a drummer in a moderately-
successful garage band?
     The stranger pulled the sword back, getting ready for a big
swing at Matsuro's neck. "Now, my friend, it's time for us to--"

     BLAM!

     He staggered back, clutching at his forehead. Forgotten, the
sword clattered to the floor. Blood ran through his fingers,
tracing crimson rivulets down his face. He stared at the
elevator, eyes wide. "You... you *shot* me."
     "You're very perceptive," deadpanned Becky. Then she shot him
again.

                                 *

     Aki watched in horror as the bishounen stranger staggered
backwards, blood flowing from two gunshot wounds. "How could you
do that?" she demanded.
     Becky gave her an odd look. "You would prefer I let him
behead your brother?"
     "Well, no, but..."
     "ENOUGH!" Aki jumped. Evidently, Becky's victim wasn't as
dead as she had assumed. Drawing a handkerchief from his pocket,
he wiped the blood off his face. There was no sign of the entry
wound.
     Becky lowered her firearm and rolled her eyes. "Great. One of
*them*. Magical enemies are your field, Keiko."
     Keiko frowned, but it was the stranger who spoke next.
     "You call yourself a guardian spirit!?" he shouted at the
ceiling. "When I say 'Don't let anyone in,' that includes
psychotic teenaged girls!"
     YEAH, RIGHT, boomed a disembodied voice. LIKE I WANT TO MESS
WITH *THOSE* THREE.
     "You are *so* fired!" the not-dead bishounen raved. He
pointed at Becky. "And don't think I've forgotten you, either. As
soon as I think up something appropriately horrifying, you'll
regret you ever even *thought* about opposing the mighty Arisu."
     "Alice?" Becky asked, laughing. "Your name is 'Alice'? I'm
glad I didn't have your parents."
     Arisu replied by bouncing a glass paperweight off Becky's
skull, sent her sprawling into a heap on the floor. "You!" he
said, pointing to the enormous, helmeted man holding Matsuro. "Go
kill them."
     The giant released Matsuro and started walking towards Aki
and Keiko. Matsuro dove for his sword, but Arisu kicked it out of
his reach.
     "Hey, Keiko," Aki said, backing away from the monster. "This
would be a good time to tell me you've gotten your magic back."
     "Let's find out," said Keiko. She raised her hand and threw a
bolt of magical energy. It hit the giant right in the helmet's
glowing eye, but had no visible effect. Keiko gawked. "That's not
a good sign."
     Aki quickly transformed into Sailor Joy, making sure to use
the modified costume she had designed. She didn't want to burn
out by using her Princess Annikki form, but she was not going to
wear the embarassingly revealing default uniform, either. While
Keiko ran some distance behind her and started drawing a
pentragram on the floor, Aki tried her hand at attack.
     "JOYFUL CLEANSING LIGHT!"
     The monster kept coming, but Aki was too preoccupied with her
sudden dizziness to notice. Bright spots were crawling before her
eyes and the room seemed to be wobbling around her. *I guess I'm
not strong enough to use that attack in this form,* she thought.
*But what else do I have? I've never really attacked anyone as
Sailor Joy before.*
     From behind her, Sailor Darkness summoned her Blackened Claws
and leapt at the advancing cyclopes. Moving with surprising
swiftness, it ducked under her attack and grabbed her from below.
     "Darkness!" Aki cried in alarm. She ducked to the side as the
monster threw her friend at her. Her strength back, Aki decided
to try the first attack that came to mind. "BLINDING FLASH!" she
shouted, flipping up her skirt.
     This time the monster staggered back, holding its hands over
its eyes. A small trickle of blood dripped down from the bottom
of its helmet.
     "I'm beginning to really dislike my previous life," Aki
muttered.
     "At least she had good taste in men," Keiko said, grinning
widely.
     "She didn't work for the Darkverse, either," Aki shot back.
     Keiko looked hurt, but before either could continue, the
giant had grabbed them both. Its hands were big enough to
completely encircle their necks. It started to squeeze.

                                 *

     Matsuro and Arisu looked at the sword, then back at each
other. "I guess it's you and me," the mad bishounen said. "One on
one. No weapons, no mercy."
     "That sounds wonderful," Matsuro lied, judging the distance
between him and the sword. He was dimly aware of Aki and the
others dealing with Arisu's assistant; he wished them luck.
     "Let's get going then. Or are you chicken?" Arisu giggled.
"Maybe you're not so tough now that--" He trailed off, looking at
something behind Matsuro. "What in the worlds is going *on* over
there?"
     Matsuro looked, just in time to see Aki flip up her skirt.
"Agh!" he cried, an uncomfortable pressure in his nose. For a
moment, he thought he had been blinded, but then he realized his
hands were over his eyes.
     *Mental Note: Tell Aki not to do that when I'm around.*
     He turned back to his opponent, who was running towards him
with the Sword of Duality over his head. Matsuro quickly ducked
under the massive desk, and then quickly ducked out the other
side as Arisu's attack shattered the marble desktop.
     "Look, are you sure I'm the guy you want to get revenge on?
Maybe destiny didn't twist in the way you were expecting and the
guy you wanted to get revenge on reincarnated as someone else."
     Arisu paused. "I'm pretty sure it's you. You're Matsuro,
right?"
     "Uh, no. My name is... uh... Kireiko."
     The bishounen madman burst into laughter. "How cute!" While
he was occupied, Matsuro picked up his gilded chair and threw it
at him. The sword skittered across the floor, and Matsuro ran
after it.

                                 *

     "EVANGELIST CONFUSION!"
     The world fell away, replaced by black-and-white still
photography, pools of blood, explosions that resembled religious
symbols, children sitting in spotlights in darkened rooms, and
clever ways for people to talk without their lips moving.
     Aki and Keiko fell to the floor as the giant clawed at its
head in confusion. Sailor Rapture ran up, swinging her Blazing
Sword, and struck at the monster's side. The sword went in
perhaps half a foot and stopped moving.
     "It's stuck," grunted Becky. The monster calmly flung her
away and tried to remove the sword.
     "That works," said Keiko, drawing her rune-encrusted cleaver.
Moving in from behind, she struck a powerful overhead blow. The
monster spent a second trying to dislodge the cleaver from its
head, then silently fell over.
     "You did it!" said Aki, clapping her hands.
     "To be fair," Keiko noted, "you did help a lot with that
'Blinding Flash' attack." She was smirking again.
     "That's okay. I'm willing to give up that credit."
     "Oh *no*, we can't keep your part in this a secret. Think of
how proud Sailor Delight and the others will be."
     "I hate you."

                                 *

     Sword in hand, Matsuro felt a lot more confident about the
fight. As long as his opponent didn't suddenly reveal cosmic
powers he had been holding back, Matsuro had a good chance at
winning.
     "That hurt, you know," Arisu growled, brushing dust and
random chair parts off himself. "I suppose you really *are*
Matsuro, too."
     "So far as I know."
     He laughed. "I could get to like you! If I wasn't going to
kill you, that is. It's too bad we had to get off on the wrong
foot."
     "Well, legally I'm not responsible for things I may have done
in previous lives, and it *was* thousands of years ago. We could
still be friends."
     "No. That's not going to happen."
     Matsuro shrugged. "Okay. I still have the sword, though, so I
think I have the advantage here."
     "Yeah, you'd think so." He reached down to his ruined desk
and picked up a chunk of marble. "But *I* have a useless, broken
piece of marble. Beat that!"
     Matsuro looked around. The girls had transformed and defeated
Arisu's henchman, and were standing around watching them argue.
"Well," he said, "I have a sword and three powerful friends. Does
that count?"
     Arisu glanced at the broken body of his servant. "You killed
it!" he wailed. "You monsters! It only had one more day until
retirement!" In his grief, he was slowly pulverizing his chunk of
marble. "Ooh, that does it. No more mercy from me. There's going
to be some major pain now." He held up his handful of marble dust
and blinked. "Oops. Looks like I broke my marble."
     "Hey Matsuro," said Becky. "You wanna finish this so we can
go home?"
     "Go for it, Matsuro!" added Keiko. "I have faith in you!"
     Arisu sighed. "I suppose you'll want to run at me yelling
'Yaaaah!' and swinging your sword now. Fine. Let's get this over
with."
     "I'm all for that." Matsuro raised his sword and started
running. Arisu watched calmly, then suddenly ducked, picked up
another chunk of marble, and hurled it at Matsuro's head. Matsuro
swung at it, deflecting the rock but leaving himself open to a
quick punch, which Arisu was glad to supply.
     Matsuro fell to his knees, wheezing. "Hah!" said Arisu.
"That's just a start! Now you're going to know the true--GURK!"
     Keiko grimaced and pulled her Cleaver of Duality out of
Arisu's back. "Right," she said, "now that that's done--"
     "SILENCE!" shouted Arisu. His eyes flared and Keiko was flung
across the room by invisible forces. "I will not abide cheating!
This is going to be a clean revenge, and--HGGK!" He fell to the
floor, the Sword of Duality sticking out of his chest.
     "Oh man," he said weakly. "You are gonna get *so* much
vengeance for this, boy."
     Matsuro had to use both hands and a foot to get the sword out
again.

                                 *

     "*This is so boooring!*" whined Suzaku. "*We can't even have
our warriors fight to the death because they're trapped behind
impenetrable barriers.*"
     The other gods didn't answer, having long since tuned her
out. Even the Masons weren't paying that much attention. Byakko
was standing by his followers, trying to explain to Kireiko that
he could not just free them all using his tremendous, godly
powers.
     "*...what I'm saying, is that if we could use our powers,
you'd already be freed.*"
     Kireiko snorted. "How can you call yourself a god if you
don't have any powers?"
     "*I do have powers.*"
     "Then why don't you use them to free us?"
     Byakko sighed.
     "Hey look!" said Jinko.
     "Something's happening!" agreed Junko.
     The darkness that surrounded them was dissipating, like smoke
suddenly exposed to a high wind, revealing... Tokyo Tower. The
thirty champions of the gods and the five gods they championed
found themselves standing in a crowd surrounding three girls in
sailor fuku and a young man in a black school uniform.
     Nearly two dozen people came to the same conclusion at once,
chorusing "The One!"
     This was followed by a confused babble as those in the crowd
made Matsuro offers if he would join them, threatened others who
sought to influence the One, or asked who exactly this "One"
person was, anyway.
     "SHUT UP!" roared Matsuro. The crowd, startled by this
unexpected outburst, quickly complied. Matsuro glared at them a
moment, sparing not even his friends from his irritation, and
then continued more quietly. "Okay, this is what's going to
happen. You're all going to go home peacefully, or my friend
Becky here is gonna lay the smack down." Becky, still wearing her
blood-spattered trenchcoat and holding a semi-automatic in one
hand and a fiery sword in the other, nodded her head in grim
confirmation. "Got it?"
     The assembled gods and warriors quickly assured him that they
got it and began to disperse... with a few predictable exeptions.
     "This isn't over," Yoshimichi warned, shaking his fist at the
assembled Harbringers. "Don't think for a minute that--"
     "*Oh, do be quiet,*" interrupted Seiryuu. "*I'm hungry and
this dreadful affair has given me a headache.*"
     For a moment, it looked like the Seals' leader might argue
with their patron god, but instead he merely bowed. "As you wish,
mighty Seiryuu. Please allow your servants to find you some
food."
     "I know a place nearby where we can be getting an inexpensive
American dinner," offered Hasami.
     "Really?" asked Gary. "Where?"
     "Your apartment. It is near here, yes?"
     "..."
     The Seals slunk off for some fine home cooking. After a
moment's whispered consultation, the Harbingers also left,
leaving Matsuro alone with his friends.
     For a moment, they stood in silence beside the Tokyo Tower,
ignoring the curious looks from passers-by. Becky took the
opportunity to sheath her sword and holster her gun, while
Kireiko worked the kinks out of his neck. Matsuro looked at them
and almost smiled.
     "So," he said, "how about we postpone tonight's practice?"
     There was little disagreement.

                                 *

WILL THEY POSTPONE PRACTICE?
IF SO, WILL THEY BE IN TOP SHAPE AT THE UPCOMING CONCERT?
HAVE VILLYN AND CHARITY TURNED THE CORNER IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP?
AND WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT "ARISU" GUY, ANYWAY?

Lord knows, but with Jonatan Streith on the case, I'm certain
*something* will happen.

-----

DO-GOODERS was created by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Episode 42 was written by Dave "Dave" Menendez

Thanks to Jed Hagen, John Evans, and Kimberli McClanahan for
their helpful suggestions--even the ones I didn't use.

-----

For my second time around, I was hoping to do something with
Kireiko, the most neglected of the three original Do-Gooders.
Obviously, that didn't happen and this became Yet Another Matsuro
Episode. Ah well, such is the nature of Impro.

The other thing I wasn't expecting to do was introduce new
characters, since I'm of the opinion that Do-Gooders has too many
characters to make effective use of the ones it has. I added
Arisu because I needed to explain how the Five Gods had been
duped. Hopefully, he'll fade into the background for a while,
while the other plots take precedence.

Aika got added because I had confused two existing characters
when I drew up the plot outline. After I'd written her scene, I
realised that the character I used couldn't possibly be there, so
I had to think up a replacement, fast. If you're wondering
whether this Aika is the same Aika from Magical Girl Hunters...
she isn't. This series and MGH take place in very different
universes, so an extended crossover is a real bad idea. But that
doesn't mean she didn't once work with Matsuro's cousin...

-----

//EPILOGUE

     "Here's your coffee. Scaldingly hot, just like you asked."
     "Yes, thank you, miss. You will recieve just compensation,
for I am subtle in my planning and generous in my tipping."
     "Whatever."
     A small cloud of steam had formed over the coffee cup. It was
composed of the usual whorls and swirls, but something about it
suggested a face. Baron Stagner von Carrlson leaned in closely,
careful not to disturb it.
     "*Hello, Baron,*" the cloud seemed to say. "*I'm afraid
there's been a bit of a setback.*"
     "I'm disappointed to hear that, sir. Have you been injured?"
     "*In a sense. The little snot killed me again.*"
     "All by himself? How did he get past your assistant?"
     "*He had some of his friends with him.*"
     "Oh." The Baron pursed his lips in thought. "I thought you
were going to separate him from his friends."
     "*I did. Somehow, they were able to find him.*"
     "That's too bad. I feel like this is my fault; I suggested
you trigger the apocalypse early, before Matsuro was ready."
     "*No... You couldn't have predicted that.*"
     "Then I hope our bargain is still good."
     The cloud seemed to sigh. "*Don't worry. You'll get what you
wanted. It may just take me longer.*"
     The Baron smiled. "That's quite all right. My timetable is
pretty loose."
     The cloud dissipated, and the Baron took a sip of his coffee.
It was almost dawn, and he still had work to do.

//42.END