Death. Destruction. Plagues, famine, wars. Cities turned into lakes of
glass and the oceans turned into blood. Brother turned against brother,
man turned against beast. The very fabric of reality ripped into shreds
and thrown into the empty void.

  On this fateful day, all this and more had completely failed to occur.
Which just goes to show that when it comes to apocalypses, you can't beat
the Real Thing.

                                  *  *  *

                            Do-Gooders

         The Onified, Extremely Cool Teen Superhero Team

         With Probably Not An X Somewhere In Their Title


              A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic

               http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic


                      Episode Forty-three:

           Can you smell what the Elder Gods are cooking?


            by Jonatan Streith (a99jonst@his.ida.se)


             Original story concept by Stefan Gagne



WARNING: Contains the word 'Amway' applied in a sneaky and devious way.


For a quick recap, read the previous episodes.

                                  *  *  *

  Gary placed another bowl of fries on the table, and it was almost
immediately consumed (the fries, not the bowl) by the people filling the
cramped apartment. Actually it wasn't very cramped; it was a modest
two-room apartment with a lovely view and a surprisingly low rent, but any
place gets cramped when you pile lots of people in it, most of which are
somewhat psychotic and carries nasty sharp items with them. The goddess and
her nephew didn't make the place any more roomy. They would have had a HQ
somewhere, but that part of the Seals' budget had mysteriously been spent
on buying snazzy trenchcoats; Yoshimichi kept calling it 'Public Relations'
whenever cornered. So they had gone to his place for dinner, and had
magnanimously allowed him to pay for it.

  Some days, a mystical destiny just isn't worth the trouble.

  "This was supposed to last me for months!" Gary wept. "Instead it's going 
in a single night!"

  Yoshimichi glared. "Gary..."

  Sensing the oncoming confrontation, and noting Gary's rising irritation,
Seiryuu interjected, "Well, it's very nice, Gary-san."

  Yoshimichi blinked. "*ahem* Seiryuu-sama, he..."

  "I can be nice and polite if I want," Seiryuu dryly commented. "I'm not
the evil destroying god you seem to think I am, Yoshi-chan."

  "So, Seiryuu-sama," Hanko asked, "what happened to, you know, the
Apocalypse and all that?"

  "Indeed," Yoshimichi said. "We were supposed to destroy the world, after
all."

  Hanko blinked. "I thought it was REMAKE the world."

  "Yes, yes," Yoshimichi said, waving his hand dismissively. "Correct. We
shall destroy the world, then remake it in our image, just like the
Prophecies said. You see, it says so right here..." He brought out his
palmtop computer, tapped the keys quickly... and then his face fell. "'File
Not Found'?! What happened to the Prohecies?!"

  The Blue Dragon of the East and Heaven finished off her fries, and
cleared her throat delicately, calling for attention. She got it. "Gone.
Erased. Your phrophecies," she deliberately pronounced the lower-case
letter, "were falsified to lead you into position by that odd fellow at the
Tower." She sighed and sipped on her drink. "To think that a person would
exist for millenia, bend reality, and even manipulate the gods themselves,
just to settle a feud."

  "Yes, that's so cool..." Hasami mused. "And he was soo good-looking to,
in a dead kind of way..."

  Hanko turned to the young Seal seated next to her. "Did you get something
in your throat, T-kun?"

  The Minion coughed a few times. "No, no problem. I just..." He lowered
his voice. "Is she always like that?"

  "Hasami?" Hanko replied, lowering her own voice. "She's a nice person
once you get to know her."

  "Really?"

  "No, not really."

  Yoshimichi banged his fist into the table, cutting off whatever comment
T-kun was planning to say, as well as every other discussion around the
table. "So the question I think we all are asking ourselves is: What shall
we do now?" He turned to look expectantly at Seiryuu.

  The blue-haired goddess frowned at him. "When did I become your mother?
I suppose you'll have to carry on with whatever nonsense you were doing and
wait for the REAL Apocalypse."

  Hanko lit up (No, not like that. She didn't self-combust or anything like
that). "Like the concert?"

  "Ah, yes. The concert." Yoshimichi sighed. "Are we still putting that
on?"

  Hanko frowned. "Well, we HAVE planned it, and the Do-Gooders, including
the One, have signed up to play... but is it really such a wise thing?
Given the things happening the past hours, I wonder if Matsuro would want
to join ANY side..."

  "That's not the way of the Seals, child..." Yoshimichi mused. "...but I
see what you mean. However, we need the money... our budget is getting low,
and we have paid for most of the preparations in advance..."

  Daichi looked up and quickly put away the photo he had indulged in.
"What? Waste a perfect chance to catch the One and destroy several enemies
at the same time? That's REALLY not the way of the Seals! I'll--"

  Hasami put a restraining hand on his shoulder, and grinned miscievously.
"Say, Dai-kun... isn't that hair of yours getting awfully long?"

  The bishounen promptly fell back into his seat, and edged away from the
psychotic woman, pale-faced.

  "That's weird," Hiryuu commented, and turned to the blue-haired woman
next to him. "Are you sure you're my aunt?"

  Seiryuu smiled motherly. "Of course I am, dear."

  "Really?" He scratched his head. "Only 'cos I don't remember having any
gods in my family..."

  "Do you remember even having a family, Hiryuu?" Seiryuu suggested.

  "No... oh!" He lit up. "Yeah, I suppose I could've forgotten you and
stuff. Okay." He got up from the table. "Well, it was really nice of you
people to invite me to this dinner, but I gotta go home now, so... oh, and
can I borrow a phone?"

  "Sure, you leech off of me too..." Seiryuu shot the American a sharp
glare. "Sorry. It's right down the hall, next to the door."

  "Odd guy," Hanko whispered.

  "You think so?" T-kun asked, sounding incredulous. If one of these people
considered anyone odd... but he shouldn't speak, really. "You know, a few
days ago he kidnapped Villyn-sama's daughter."

  "Really? How come--"

  They were cut off by a sound remarkably similar to a phone cord being
snapped off, followed by a "Bye!" and a door being closed.

  Gary buried his face in his hands. "Please tell me that he didn't..."

  "The young man borrowed your phone, yes?" Hasami giggled. "I take it he's
not the brightest bulb in the box, yes?"

  Seiryuu groaned deeply. "How I need a drink."

                                  *  *  *

  In a rather dark, quiet bar somewhere in downtown Tokyo, the gods
gathered. There was nothing special about the bar; long bar desk made from
dark wood, dark furnishings, old wallpaper that might once have been
colourful but had now darkened with age. Weak light shone from the ceiling
lamp and was mugged in the shadows. A bored pianist played a moody tune
in the corner. Most guests came here to be alone, to rest their souls
before once again facing the hardships of the world. Some came here to
forget; certainly no one came to remember. If asked, the four gods sitting
by the bar would have said... different things.

  "So why couldn't we have gone to a karaoke bar or something?" the
red-haired woman who was really Suzaku, the red Phoenix of South and Fire
(she was uncertain of how exactly that 'fire' reference had snuck in, but
wasn't one to turn down a freebie title) said. She sipped on the drink and
made a face. "You like dancing, don't you, Ryokuryuu?"

  The man next to her hmpf'ed a bit. "I'd prefer if you'd call me Aoryuu,
you know."

  The woman giggled, despite her age(which was quite high, but you don't
ask a lady about such things). "You're just angry because you didn't get a
chance to show Seiryuu that your followers were better than hers."

  The Green Dragon of the Center and Earth glowered at his companion. "Am
not."

  "Am too," Suzaku taunted.

  "Am not!" Aoryuu retorted.

  "Aw, shaddap, you two," Byakko interrupted, annoyed by their yammering.
"Where IS Seiryuu, anyway?"

  "I believe," Genbu said, putting down his teacup, "that she said she was
going to have dinner with her followers."

  Suzaku blinked several times. "WHAT?! How dare she go off and have a
dinner party when we're supposed to be here! My followers NEVER invite me
to dinners... maybe I'll crash a dinner party!" She grabbed Aoryuu by his
sleeve. "Wanna crash a party with me, Ryokuryuu?"

  "Let go of me, crazy girl!" He shook her off. "And it's AORYUU, dammit!"

  "Followers, huh." Byakko sipped his drink, which was his favorite and
incidentally could kill a cow from ten yards distance. "My followers stared
at me like they've never seen me before. Did the visions I sent them get
lost or something?"

  "Maybe they did," Genbu offered. "Or maybe someone nicked them."

  "Yeah right," Byakko scoffed. "Like that'd ever happen."

                                  *  *  *

  Meanwhile, far, far, away, an Oni laughed.

                                  *  *  *

  The first thing that hit Kireiko when he got home was a purple blur.

  "Hiya, 'babe'," he American-quipped, once his senses (as they now were)
returned to him. "That's quite a move you've got there."

  "I was so worried about you!" the not-really-a-clone girl wailed as
the walked inside. "You just vanished like that! And your parents were
worried too."

  Choji lowered the newspaper. "Hello, son. Mind telling me why you decided
to vanish impolitely like that? And in front of your girlfriend, as well."
He shook his head. "In my days, I never vanished mysteriously like that."

  "Only a few times," Atsuko said, looking up from her knitting. "Welcome
home, son. And I see that you've kept your shirt on, as well."

  Kireiko hadn't really thought about it, but there it was, whole and all.
"Yeah, wasn't much fighting at the Tokyo Tower... I forgot to tell you, I
was transported to the Tower or something, dunno why... I was locked up
with those nutty mikos, though. And I think the Apocalypse was going to
happen, only it didn't, or so this weird guy Byakko said..."

  Choji dropped his paper. "Did you say 'Byakko'? As in Byakko, the White
Tiger of the West?"

  "Huh? Yeah, that's what he called himself. Something about wind, too.
Hey, is there any food around? I'm starved."

  "I left some of the dinner in the fridge," Atsuki said. Kireiko vanished
mysteriously into the kitchen, followed by Hanaki. "Byakko,
hmm?"

  "Hmm indeed," the ominous accountant mused. "Such an extraordinary
coincidence..."

  "Dear, you know better than to sign it off as a coincidence," the former
demon huntress chided. "The question is, what do we do about it?"

  Holy fire seemed to crackle behind Choji's glasses. "We shall handle this
like we handled the Yunotome account..."

  "Sitting it out and wait until something happens?"

  "Best option."

                                  *  *  *

  "Yes, I'm positively SURE your new attack will be great in coming
battles!"

  "Please! If I ever have to resort to... *that* again, I'll run off and
become a shrine maiden."

  "Isn't that kinda prude? They usually do die afterwards, you know."

  "It's the principle of the thing! Besides, you shouldn't talk about 
'prude'."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean... Keiko, you're my best friend and all, but... haven't you ever
looked at what you're wearing?"

  The two girls came into view, rounding the corner. "What's wrong with my
clothes?"

  "It's not very concealing, is it?" Aki suggested. "Don't you ever feel
cold?"

  "Well, why do you think I'm always hanging off Matsuro?" Keiko grinned.
"Besides, I like showing off my figure. Now that I actually have a figure
to show off," she added.

  "Huh," Aki huh'ed. "Maybe you should have been the reincarnation of
Sailor Miniskirt instead of me."

  "Ah, but then I wouldn't complement Matsuro, now would I?" the
not-really-scanty-clad sorceress snickered.

  "I suppose..." Aki replied, a comical sweatdrop appearing mysteriously
behind her head. "Hey, shouldn't you be hanging off him by now?"

  "Yeah, well..." Keiko shrugged. "He said he wanted to be by himself for
the rest of the day. And since I'm sure now that he loves me and not anyone
else," Aki rolled her eyes, but Keiko didn't see. "...I figured that I
could let him. And I've got this new book of spells to toy with, too... oh,
here's my house."

  Aki nodded. "Okay, see you tomorrow."

  "You're sure you don't want to come in for a cup of tea? I could show you
a few cool spells, and--"

  The door suddenly flew open, and a pink-haired girl latched onto her arm.
"KEIIIKO-SAN! Where have you BEEN?!"

  Aki stifled a giggle. "No, that's okay. God knows I wouldn't impose..."
She fought valiantly, then surrounded and broke out in a full laugh. "I'll
see you guys in school! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

  The Villyn genes made their first claim, it seemed.

  Koohii stepped out of the door, wearing an apron and holding a a pot in
her bemittened hands. "Hi, Keiko-san! Bye, Aki-san! Mermaid, calm down!"
She turned to Keiko. "Sorry, she was a bit upset after you DUMPED us with
those WEIRDOS."

  "Yeah!" Mermaid chimed in. "One of them even kept smiling at me... really
odd smile, like she was hungry or something. We should have killed them."

  "No, that's not nice," Koohii chided. "We don't go around killing people
mercilessly. They don't rehatch like us dragons do. OWIE!"

  Scotch lowered the thick history book he held in his right hand, a can of
soda in the other. "And have you forgotten that we don't have any eggs
left, nitwit?"

  "Ah," Koohii said, a wicked smile gracing her lips. "Fear not! I have a
cunning plan!"

  Keiko sighed at the charade playing in front of her. She noted that
Scotch had quickly taken a sip from his soda. "Look, guys, I've had a very
tiring day and all, and I'd like some rest, okay?" Not waiting for a
response, she walked inside, the three Dragons trotting behind.

  "Hello, dear," her mother said from the kitchen. "How was your day?"

  "Fine, mom. I was magically sent to the Tokyo Tower, where we had to
fight a big guy who was trying to kill us, while Matsuro killed a bishounen
who wanted to bring about the Apocalypse."

  "How nice of him," the maternal voice replied.

  Keiko rolled her eyes and started up the stairs. "And our house is
overrun with dragons, too."

  "I know, dear. You should be a bit nicer to them, though."

  Keiko promptly toppled backwards.

                                  *  *  *

  "...I agree that the situation that I am not currently graced with the
 benefits of Amway is easily corrected by simply dialing the seven-figure
number that you very politely albeit profusely prompted me with not one
time, not two times, but seven times, but I do not hesitate to reply that
while the benefits might by a casual observer be described as 'godsent', I
fail to see why--"

  "Hi, Ayame!" Tejina said, entering the library. Ayame was seated at the
phone table, applying her awesome exposition powers to talk for minutes
without pause.

 The green-haired girl looked up from her animated phone conversation. "Hi,
Tej! Wait just a few seconds..." She turned back to the phone. "--why I
would necessarily need... oh, he got away." She pouted a bit and hung up.
"And I was having so much fun, too." She turned to Tejina, a brilliantly
sunny smile washing away her pouting. "How did the final Apocalyptic battle
between Good and Evil at the top of Tokyo Tower go?"

  "How did you know about that?" Tejina asked. Ayame started to inhale, and
Tejina realized her mistake. "Nevermindyoujusthappenedtoknowitright?!"
She sighed in relief as her sister (of sorts) stayed silent. "Well, nothing
much happened... seems like it was all a big setup by some guy Matsuro
killed."

  "He must have been an extraordinarily powerful opponent if he was able to
twist destiny at his own secret and shady whim," Ayame commented with
unnecessarily many letters.

  Eiji walked by the door, spotted them, and promptly ran upstairs with a
frightened expression. The two identical sisters stared after him in
confusion.

  "What's gotten into HIS head?" Tejina asked out aloud. "I suppose he's
less annoying this way, but still..."

  "I tried to engage in some common-type sibling playing with him," Ayame
said, "and he... screamed something rather incomprehensible about pods and
and creatures wanting to eat him, or something to that effect. Maybe Mrs.
Nakao is feeding him wrong." She paused thoughtfully, for a second fooling
Tejina that she was shutting up. "I'm very happy that your adoptive parents
lets me stay here like a full member of the family. I'll have to thank
them."

  "Who knows how parents think?" At least not you. Life is weird,
sometimes... "Hey, is Han home?"

  Ayame shook her adorable head. "Nope! Last I heard of her was when she
went over to Kireiko's place. Isn't it nice that she's found herself
someone?"

  "Yes, very nice." You could have had him, a small voice said in her mind.
Not wanting to argue pointlessly, Tejina promptly fitted the voice with
metaphorical concrete boots and dropped it in a hypothetic river. "I think
I'll go and do my homework now."

  "Oh?" Ayame asked, sounding a bit surprised. "Do you have a test coming
up or something. Aww, I wish I was in your class..."

  "No, just some ordinary, neglected homework." Tejina thought back to her
latest bizarre dream, and shuddered. "Nothing special." She left the
library, presumably heading off to her own room.

  Ayame picked up a magazine and leafed through it, then dropped in from
sheer boredom. "This is extremely and undesirably boring," she said,
stating the obvious. She sat a while in uffish thought. "Maybe I should get
a boyfriend?"

  Outside, in the middle of the clear summer day, thunder rumbled
ominously.

                                  *  *  *

  "AGAIN YOU FAIL ME!"

  "Yes, Great Shubby-chan," Wataru replied, bowing his head in apology.

  "THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD *MUST* BE DESTROYED, OR ALL OUR PLANS ARE FOR
NAUGHT! AND YOU FAIL ME! DO YOU MIND TELLING EXACTLY *WHY* YOU FAILED?!"

  "We hadn't accounted for her father, Mr. Villyn, to be home, nor had we
expected the results of him meeting our associate, Aika..."

  "*a-hem*," Maeda politely coughed, holding his hankerchief over his
mouth.

  Wataru frowned.  "Maeda, I am adressing Great Shubby-chan, not you. As
a--"

  "SPEAK, MAEDA, NEWEST MEMBER OF MY CHILDREN. SPEAK, AND WE SHALL SEE IF
YOUR WORDS HOLD IMPORTANCE."

  "Yes, Great Shubby-chan," Maeda replied with an oily smile. Wataru looked
looked disapproving, but said nothing. "First of all, bringing our...
associate, Aika, along was a mistake. Apparently there has been a conflict
between her and... Mr. Villyn," he said the name like it left a bad taste
in his mouth, "and it's unlikely that either Villyn nor his daughter would
trust her. And seeing as we failed our first abduction, she wouldn't trust
us either. In light of that, subterfuge is not an option anymore."

  "So you say we should attack head-on, Maeda?" Wataru dryly commented. He
did not snort derisively. It would have been better if he had, but he did
not. Instead, he kept his cool, and filed away the predatory thoughts for
later use.

  Maeda, for that matter, simply dabbed dramatically at his forehead with
his hankerchief. "'Head-on' is not a word I'd choose... but yes. To quote
the ancient Chinese Emperor Cho Tseng Mao: 'When in doubt, use a bigger
gun'." Actually he doubted that there even was an emperor by that name, but
Outer Gods rarely cared about human matters.

  "VERY GOOD, MAEDA. YOU ARE SHOWING POTENTIAL. ONE WOULD THINK THAT YOU
HAD A SPECIAL REASON TO CAPTURE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD."

  Maeda simply bowed to the woman. "I do what you wish of me, Great
Shubby-chan."

  "THAT PLEASES ME. NOW, GO. I MUST PONDER UPON THIS MATTER AND FIND THE
BEST CHOICE."

  The two men bowed to their mistress and left the room. None had sensed
the small squid-like creature sitting in the air vent, protected as it was
by powerful wards. It silently dislodged itself from its perch and scuttled
off. Its masters would find this information interesting, it hoped.

                                  *  *  *

  Maynard was not a happy chtonic entity. Not only did those two pathetic
humans fail to capture the half-oni like they were paid to, the designated
bride of their great master was getting more and more impatient. The
cultists complained about the lack of enough computers. They were running
out of Dr. Pepper. To top it, His Eminence was making sheep's eyes and
acting overly nice towards Jodi Foster, and Maynard had to watch it all
day, being confined to the Cult's sewer hideout. Oh, if only--

  Brother Knoll ran into the chamber, an excited look on his face and a
nasty wound on his forehead. "Brother Maynard! Important news!"

  Brother Maynard's spirits rose, as did the spirit that was Brother
Maynard. He floated up in front of the regrettably human cultist.
"ImpOrtAnt nEws? whAt mAnnEr Of nEws cAn bE sO ImpOrtAnt?"

  "One of our hidden eyes in Shub-Niggurath's sanctuary has reported back.
It said... here, I wrote down the message." The cultist handed Maynard a
"Hello Cthulhu" notepad.

  "hmm," Brother Maynard mused in his ever-present twisted voice, "It sEEms
thAt thE Old gOAt Is pUrsUIng sOmEOnE cAllEd 'thE lIght Of thE wOrld'..."
His face cracked into a smile, goo oozing from the cheeks. "nOw wOUldn't It
jUst UpsEt dEAr shUbbY-chAn And hEr lIttE rOOtY-tOOt crEw Of hAlf-wIts If
sOmEOnE cAmE And tOpplEd hEr lIttlE plAn..."

  "And whatever they're planning is probably also going against the wishes
of Great Cthulhu!" Knoll commented helpfully.

  "YEs, Yes, vErY trUE," Maynard agreed dismissively. "All thE mOrE
rEAsOn." He looked at the cultist. "whAt hAppEnEd tO YOUr fOrEhEAd?"

  "Shaving accident."

  "vErY wEll. YOU ArE dIsmIssEd. gO fEEd thE EYE, thEn sEnd It bAck tO Its
pOsItIOn." As the cultist left, Maynard hovered over to His Eminence's
tank, where the Deep One was telling Jodi about his hippie days in
California. "YOUr EmInEncE? thEre's sOmEthIng I'd lIkE tO dIscUss..."

                                  *  *  *

  "I can't believe I'm going to a party with YOU," Aoryuu muttered, glaring
at the girl next to him as they walked down the street. Being gods, they
could easily just appear wherever they wanted to be, but even gods enjoy
a nice stroll every now and then.

  "Come on!" Suzaku urged. "It'll be fun! My followers are a cool bunch!
Can't you do it for me?"

  "Like I'd want to hang out with a 'cool bunch' anyway," the Green Dragon
grumbled. "Only reason I'm here is because you'd whine otherwise."

  The juvenile goddess giggled cutely. "You know, you don't have to act
hard to get..."

  A cry of "WHAT?!?" Rang out over the rooftops.

                                  *  *  *

  "All right, this is the last warning!" Nanami yelled, pounding the sturdy
oak table with enough force to demolish any lesser furniture. "Whoever has
the Book of Ultimate Evil, hand it over now, or I shall have to take
unpleasant actions!" The runes on her Hammer of Duality pulsed in synch
with the red aura she was manifesting. The other Masons were cowering
behind Sansuke, who tried to look valiant while searching for a chance to
escape.

  "I tell you, we don't have it!" Kensuke squeaked, thankful for his short
stature. "Last time I saw it was when we were sent to the Tower, and we
left it behind!"

  "And we all came back together, so no one could have sneaked ahead and
taken it," Sansuke added, trying to draw his saw behind his back without
their enraged leader noticing. If worst came to worst, it would at least
protect him. He hoped. "Maybe someone took it while we were gone?"

  "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" Nanami yelled. She raised her hammer, cherry-red
energy swirling around the tool in a way that spelled out 'pain' in a dozen
languages. "FIRE OF THE--AIGH!"

  The irate Mason yelped in surprise as the heavy door to the room was
flung open, and a diminutive figure with red hair stepped in.

  "Celebrate, my Champions! Suzaku, the one and only, has arrived!" Suzaku
did a 'V' sign and grinned.

  The fires around Nanami's hammer died out, and she kowtowed to her
goddess. Meanwhile, the other Masons breathed out in relief. "Suzaku-sama!
Welcome! Have you come to share your wisdom with your chosen ones?"

  "Sure!" Suzaku smiled, always eager to share her great (or so she
thought) wisdom. "What do you want to know?"

  "Well, they," Nanami indicated the other Masons, who had now stepped out
in the open, "have stolen the Book of Ultimate Evil and refuse to give it
back! Can you solve this situation?"

  Suzaku glanced at the red-robed Masons gathered in the room. "But none of
them has taken the book."

  Nanami blinked. "Are you sure?"

  Suzaku frowned. "*A-HEM!*"

  "Sorry! My mistake, great Suzaku!" She turned towards the group of other
Masons, who were bearing down on her with angry glares. "Um... I suppose I
was wrong, guys..."

  Kensuke clouted her over the head with his trowel. "Idiot! You nearly
killed us all! Over a book, too!"

  A very tall, lanky Mason who might have done a creditable scarecrow
impression tapped Suzaku on the shoulder with a long, thin digit. "Greatest
apologies, Suzaku-sama, but what shall we do now?"

  Suzaku spun around and tilted her head backwards, making eye-contact with
her nearly twice as tall Champion. "Hi there, Amano! How's the air up
there?"

  "Just fine, Suzaku-sama," the now-named Amano said, absentmindedly
coiling a runed tape measure. "But to inquire again... seeing as the
predicted Apocalypse didn't happen, what shall we do now?"

  Suzaku grinned mischievously. "Good question, and one that deserves an
answer!" She turned to the doorway. "Hey, Ryokuryuu, what's taking you so
long?! Come in and meet my Champions!"

  "Call me Aoryuu, dammit!" Aoryuu walked into the room, easily carrying a
large black crate. "Oh, and these are your Champions." He looked them over.
"I'm thrilled, I really am."

  "You can always invite me to meet your Champions, if you want..." Suzaku
offered.

  Aoryuu snorted. "I don't WANT to invite you to meet my Champions,
Suzaku."

  "Oh really?" Suzaku said, and leaned in closely. "Then maybe we can go
someplace where we're really, really alone..."

  "AGH!" Aoryuu leapt back, letting go of the crate. It landed on his foot,
but he didn't care. "WITH YOU?! NO WAY!!!" Then he realized what he had
just done. "OWWWWWW!"

  "Big silly," Suzaku teased. She flipped open a latch on the crate, and it
fell open to reveal a karaoke machine. She turned to her Champions; the
Masons had watched the display with bemusement, boredom, incredulousness,
despair, reverence and drunkenness. Now they awaited the divine words of
their goddess. "Suzaku says... LET'S PARTY!"

                                  *  *  *

  "AAAH-CHOO!"

  Scotch looked up. "Are you having a cold, Keiko-san?"

  Keiko shook her head. "No, just... it's nothing." The teenager dragon
nodded and turned back to the school book he was reading. Keiko returned
her attention to the book in front of her. The Book of Ultimate Evil was
now hers, and hers alone, with its phletora of evil and nefarious
goodness... well, 'evil goodness' might be a bit of a contradiction, but
Keiko had never claimed to be consistent.

  On her right side laid the Book, and on her left was the mystical but
highly magical papers she had found several days before. They had power;
she could feel it. Now to just unlock their secrets...

  Mermaid appeared mysteriously over Keiko's shoulder. "Hihi! What are you
doing, Keiko-san?"

  "GAAAH!" The sorceress leapt involuntarily, sending a few magical papers
into the air. "Don't sneak up on me!"

  "Sorry..." The pink-haired girl looked apologetic. "So, what are you
doing?"

  "Just a little project," Keiko replied, indicating the magical notes.
"Nothing you have to worry about."

  "Really?" Mermaid grabbed a note. "Ooh, elder signs! With locking runes,
to protect from tampering..."

  Keiko blinked a few times, staring at Mermaid in surprise. "You mean...
you know about this stuff?"

  The dragon-girl smiled. "Sure! Don't you know dragons are magical
creatures? I got special training!" She continued studying the note.
"Scotch, are you supposed to use a reverse cross-matrix magical field model
to negate locking runes?"

  Scotch looked up again. "How should I know? I don't mess around with
high-level stuff like that."

  Mermaid shrugged. "Well, it's worth a try... honestly, Keiko-san, if
you're having trouble with this sort of stuff, you could've just told us.
I mean, you keep treating us like we're some sort of vermin and act nasty
to us and dump us with nasty people and all and that makes me reall, REALLY
sad 'cos I just want to get on with life and--"

  "Whoah, whoah!" Keiko interrupted, waving her hands. "Have you been
hanging out with Ayame?"

  "No, is she nice?" Mermaid asked. "Hmm, we'll need red dragon scales for
the first step..." She walked over to the lumpy plastic sacks, stuck her
hand in one, and withdrew a patch of red scaly hide.

  "Um... aren't you bothered about having... well, your dead bodies in the
same room?" Keiko asked, somewhat nervous.

  "No, why should I?" Mermaid said as she returned to the desk. "But you
should consider conserving the parts before they spoil. Dragon meat might
stay fresh for a long time, but not forever."

  Keiko looked slightly queasy. "Do you know that's rather disgusting?"

  "I suppose it's a culture thing," Scotch interjected.

  Koohii stormed into the room. "Keiko, can we play in the basement?"

  "Play what?" Keiko asked. "Hey, what happened to your hair?"

  Koohii ruffled her yellow-blonde hair. "I'm out of orange dye. And we're
going to play music, of course! It's been ages since we've gotten any
practice!"

  "Goodie, I'm sure Keiko-san would love to hear your wailing voice echo
throughout the house," Scotch commented snidely.

  Koohii stuck out her tongue at the boy. "Meanie! Why couldn't you have
gotten a little bit nicer this time around?"

  "Hey, that reminds me..." Keiko frowned. "...I've been wanting to know
how you three came back to life like that."

  Koohii grinned. "We could tell you... if we can play, that is. After all,
we did sign ourselves up to that concert, just like your friends!" Keiko
nodded. "Great! By the way, dinner's ready! I've cooked it myself! With
some help from your nice mom, though."

  "That's nice..." Keiko asked, momentarily wondering if she was in a
'candid camera' scene. [Nice mom? Mom, mrs. Oblivious?] She shook her head.
"So what's for dinner?"

  Koohii got a sneaky look on her face. "Oh, it's a *very* special
meatloaf..."

                                  *  *  *

  "...so she's the sister of my third wife, Akemi," Villyn explained.
"Akemi was Aki's and Matsuro's mother."

  "That explains so much... I'm sorry I ever questioned you, Nemesis-chan."
Charity snuggled closer to Villyn's armored, reassuring chest. "I fear that
I expected too much... you are my first love, you know."

  He gave her a tender kiss. "That is no worry. From now on, our love
shall last eternal."

  Charity's eyes filled with hearts. "Nemesis-chan, that is so poetic..."
They kissed again. "And then, can we take over the world?"

  He smiled and brought her close. "Always, my love. Always."

  They kissed deeply. Soft violin music began playing...

  ...the accordion cued up...

  The two lovers turned as one and glared at the source of the sound.

  "Sorry, sorry. Zathras go and practice somewhere else." The furry man
picked up his instrument and lumbered off.

  Charity turned towards her love. "So, where were we? Ah yes." She leaned
in for a kiss...

  "AAARGHH!" the door-bell rang. The moment was ruined yet again.

  The minions, all screaming "I'LL GET IT!" ran for the door, eager to be
the first to open it. After managing to lose the Quake Camper and the
Bluefaced Black Shadow in the staircase, the Unnamed Minion opened the
door. "Greetings! Please state your business with the Great Villyn!"

  "grEEtIngs," the mysterious man on the porch said, his robes covering him
from head to toe, and hiding his face in shadows. "I'd lIkE tO dIscUss A
fEw thIngs wIth mr. villYn, EspEcIallY cOncErnIng hIs dAUghtEr, AkI..."

  The Unnamed Minion showed no reaction to the stranger's words. "That's
very fascinating, mr..."

  "mAYnArd. And dO pArdOn mY vOIcE, I'm hAvIng... lArYngItIs."

                                  *  *  *

  Heart pounding. Blood coursing through tight veins, making them bulge.
Fear oozing from the body, filling the air with its sweet fragrance. The
horror from beyond time and space reveled in the feelings pouring off its
victim, invigorated in a heavenly rush. The girl cowered in the end of
the alley as it approached. She turned her head, and appeared to be...
smiling?

  "Foul beast from beyond the pits of hell!"

  The monster and the girl turned their heads toward the source of the
voice. A caped man wearing a tuxedo had mysteriously appeared on a fire
escape, and stood, looking imposing in a spotlight that hadn't been there
before.

  Well, he would have been imposing had his outfit not been a couple of
sizes too large. He straightened the top hat that, along with the mask,
concealed his face. He struck another pose. "You are endangering the
innocent citizens of this fair city, and especially this fair flower of a
girl," he indicated the girl, "and thus, your life is forfeit."

  The monster, held in place by the narrative laws stating that the
villains must always sit though the entire speech, could only look in
incomprehension as a small projectile hit its chest. It died, melting into
goo.

  The girl stared dumbfounded at the melting corpse, and turned towards her
saviour. He took this as his cue to speechify again. "Fear not, lovely one.
The one that sought your destruction is no more. And now, I must go." He
swung his cape around him in a way that would have been incredibly cool had
he not accidentally wrapped himself up like a mummy, and leapt off into the
starlit sky.

  Cecil hopped out from behind a trashcan. "This is your great tactic, is
it? Run around like a scared girl, then get saved by some moron in party
clothes? Yeah, I can see how useful that is."


  Sailor Hatred stepped out from behind a dumpster. "Hey, it usually works!
I've never seen that guy before!"

  "I did not train you to be a whiner!" Cecil snarled.

  "You didn't train me at all!" Sailor Hatred retorted, then blanched when
she realized what she had said. "N-no, I mean..."

  Too late. The bunny flew at the girl's face, switchblade in paw, and...

  "OW!"

  ...whacked her on the head with the handle.

  "Point taken, which is why I won't give you a full punishment." He landed
in front of her. "I think we shall start training as soon as possible." He
looked up. "By the way, girl..."

  "Yes, Cecil?" Yumeki said, not at all at ease with the prospect of
training at Cecil's paws.

  "The view from down here is lovely." the bunny said, a smirk forming on
his muzzle.

  Hatred crossed her legs, her cheeks reddening slightly. "Hentai!"

  Ignoring the torment of her teammember, and silently wishing death on her
own, lost advisor, Sailor Despair walked over to the sticky goo that was
the only thing remaining after the monster had met its sticky end. Now
what... "Light, come and check this out."

  The extremely white Sailor walked over. "What is it? Did you find
something of interest?"

  Sailor Despair silently picked up the curious item and held it up in
front of her team leader, careful not to drip greenish-purple goo on her.
"What would you say this is?"

  Sailor Light squinted at the odd projectile. The thick, pipe-like stem,
the yellow petals... "A dandelion?"

                                  *  *  *

  WILL THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTICAL DESTINIES HAVE TO CLEAR UP THE MESS OF
ALL DESTINIES? WHAT WILL THE SEALS DO NEXT? WHAT WILL THE HARBRINGERS DO?
WILL THE MASONS HAVE A GREAT PARTY, OR WILL THEY BE TOO EMBARRASSED OVER
THEIR DITZY GODDESS? WILL THE FIVE GODS BECOME REGULARS? WILL AORYUU LOOSEN
UP? WILL SUZAKU GET ANYWHERE WITH AORYUU? WILL HIRYUU RETURN THE PHONE?
WILL AKI SUCCUMB TO THE MEGALOMANICAL HERITAGE OF VILLYN'S GENES? WILL
AYAME GET A BOYFRIEND? WILL SHE GET AMWAY? WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO EIJI'S HEAD?
WHAT'S IN STORE FOR KIREIKO? WHAT WILL SHUBBY-CHAN'S NEXT MOVE BE? WILL
VILLYN ACCEPT ANY HELP FROM THE CTHULHU CULT? WILL KEIKO UNCOVER THE
SECRETS OF THE MAGICAL PAPERS? WILL THE DRAGON CHILDE UNCOVER ANY NEW AND
UNTOLD SKILLS? WILL VILLYN'S AND CHARITY'S LOVE HOLD? WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS
DANDELION-WIELDING KAMEN? AND WHAT WILL CECIL TEACH YUMEKI?

  I could tell you, but that would be a spoiler... as well as incorrect, I
fear. Why not see what is revealed the next part of Do-Gooders, written
by... S. Avatar!

                                  *  *  *

  BIG thanks to Eslington for prereading and commenting! Too fun for words!
...wait, it was words. Oh well. Apologies to Yasha for stealing Emmeline
Trevelyan's lines; it was just too good to pass up. Kudos to Steven for
suggesting some lines for the (not very) infamous dinner scene. Okay, so I
stole them too...


  Author's notes: Do the laundry.

  Author's comments: Well, another part done... hopefully not too messy and
crappy. The aim for this part was to finish off the X arc and move on to
Kireiko's bit, and his position in the Cthulhu cult's plans...
unfortunately I also felt compelled to put in lots of other scenes, so it
might have slipped away. Note that the Apocalypse is NOT over; it will
still probably happen, albeit not right now. The various sides of the great
conflict are still around.

  C&C is always welcome! Send it to:  a99jonst@ida.his.se

  Thank you for reading this fic! See ya!