Slight recap: Kireiko is now free from the influence of Cthulhu having
been exorcised by the Harbringers (who were somewhat reluctant to help an
opposing champion, but agreed due to old favors). Eager to find a corporeal
body, Cthulhu possessed Brother Maynard instead. The art of Maynard-speech
is now lost.

  Master Chiang found out what had happened to the Kingdom of Obscurity
(formerly Prominence), and is cluing in on what Stagner is really up to.

  Zathras finally explained WHO 'The One' is: Three specific individuals
merging as one, The One. For those with mental levels equal to Kireiko's,
NO, this does not mean a threesome. Probably.

  Tejina finally found the Icon of Rapturous Delight and The Emblem of
Delightful Rapture in a most peculiar location: the hands of the
Harbringers. After some complaining, they agreed to let her borrow them for
a while. Tejina and Sakyou also officially revealed their feelings for each
other in a nondramatic but nevertheless WAFFy fashion, and are now a
couple.

  A lot of other stuff happened.

  And last but not least (as the least in this story was the Miniature
Legion of Minions, who died back around #16-17), Matsuro was confronted by
the DarkVerse Sailors aka Sailor Light, Hatred and Despair, aka Mariko,
Yumeki and Yaki, aka three scary nuts, who wanted to him to reveal the
location of the Banner of the DarkVerse. Matsuro fought back and blasted
the trio and their advisors (Kahi and Cecil) through the wall with an
energy blast. The group landed on the tent belonging to the Quake Camper,
who managed to listen in on some of their plans.

  The story continues...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ____    ___        ____   ___    ___   ____   ____  ____   ____
   |  _ \  / _ \  __  / ___| / _ \  / _ \ |  _ \ |  __||  _ \ /  __|
   | |_> || |_| ||__|| |_  || |_| || |_| || |_> ||  _|||  _ < \__  \
   |____/  \___/      \__,_| \___/  \___/ |____/ |____||_| \_||____/

             the Capeless Heuristic Team of Underachieving 
                      Loveable Heroic Underdogs.

              A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic

               http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic


                      Episode Fifty-six:

             Sugar and Spice and Potassium Cyanide,
             that's what evil Sailors are made of.


            by Jonatan Streith (a99jonst@his.ida.se)


             Original story concept by Stefan Gagne


  Disclaimer: No Sailors were harmed in the production of this episode of
Do-Gooders. Names have been altered to avoid vengeance from the guilty.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

  In Mariko's apartment, three magical girls and two advisors were
recovering, having collapsed on any free surface they could find when they
returned. While their fall from Matsuro's apartment had been cushioned by
various items in the way, there was no way they could have avoided a good
dose of scrapes and bruises. And although Magical Girls tended to heal very
fast, it did little to lessen the pain. The real pain, however, wasn't
physical.

  "That Matsuro will die," Mariko intoned, lying on the bed. "Humiliating
me... ME! just like that! If he's from the DarkVerse he should have helped
us, right?"

  "Why should he?" Cecil interjected. "Duke Midnight is way above your
rank, girl. He doesn't have any duties to perform to you." The bunny lying
on the chair across the room was actually the only one to survive the fall
totally unhurt, as his fall had been cushioned by something soft called
Yumeki. In a different situation, she would probably have enjoyed the
experience. As it was, she was lying on the sofa, making cruel plans in her
head and hoping that no ribs were broken.

  Mariko sniffed, putting her nose in the air. "Kahi doesn't say so." She
then shot the advisor a glare that charred him to the bone and melted the
remains, or at least it would have had glares had any physical effect at
all. "And whose bright idea was it to provoke him, hmm?"

  "I only agreed to your plan of 'persuading' him because I thought you
might be able to do it properly. When it was clear that you couldn't
persuade a brick to lie still, I had to come up with something."

  "And of course you did it MUCH better. Bloody imbecile furball..."

  Cecil's eyes narrowed, and he drew his knife. "That does it. I hope
you've taken pictures of yourself so you can remember what you used to look
like, girl..."

  And carnage would probably have ensued, with massive bloodshed and
crippling damage or death as a result, had not a force greater than any of
them interfered.

  Yaki stuck her head in from the livingroom. "Baywatch is on."

  Cecil stopped in mid-attack. "Oh, right. I'll kill you later, Mariko."
He bounced out the door.

  Yaki closed the door behind her and sat down on the chair previously
occupied by Cecil. "We won't get anywhere by fighting amongst ourselves,
Mariko. We must find a way to get through to Matsuro."

  "I still say a simple seduction is the best option," Yumeki said.

  "Has it ever occurred to you that Matsuro most likely wouldn't be at all
affected by your style of seduction?"

  The pink-haired girl shrugged. "I can be subtle."

  "You?" Yaki asked, putting on a exaggerated expression of
incredulousness. "Subtle? You'd be better off selling ice to Eskimos,
Yumeki. I know what subtlety is, and you're not a part of it."

  "Oh, you're saying you could do it better?" Yumeki sat up, grinning.
"You're right, you know."

  Yaki couldn't help but blink twice. "What?"

  "You're probably the better choice, Yaki," Yumeki conceded. "I'm going to
love watching you seduce Matsuro. You will let me watch, won't you?"

  Yaki rolled her eyes. "Yumeki..."

  The pink-haired hentai just giggled, a big leer etched on her face. "My,
my, Yaki, you sound really tense. Shall I give you a nice massage? I've got
all sorts of nice oils and items in my room..."

  Without changing her expression the slightest, Yaki stood up. "Prepare to
die, Yumeki."

  Yumeki smirked. "We won't get anywhere by fighting amongst ourselves,
Yaki. You said so yourself."

  "Sssave your little ssspat for when you're alone, girlsss," Kahi hissed,
disapproval clearly evident in the lizard's voice. "If we wish to bring
Sailor Darkness over to our side, we'll need the Banner of the DarkVerse.
And I will *not* let your petty quarrels delay m... our plans. Understood?"

  Yumeki quickly backed down, nodding her consent. Yaki momentarily
narrowed her eyes at the lizard's slip, but also nodded. [Better to let the
old lizard think his secret is safe... for now.] The three girls gathered
in a circle around the lizard.

  "Excccellent. Now, Duke Midnight will not remember the location of the
Banner before he'sss awakened... and he won't give it to usss unlessss we
can find sssome way to persssuade him. Both of thessse tasks mussst be
accccomplissshed."

  "And nothing we've done so far has worked," Cecil said, landing softly on
Yumeki's head. He glared at Yaki. "Baywatch ain't until eight. We'll settle
that later." Yaki chose not to respond.

  "So we'll attack his weak spots," Mariko exclaimed. "The question is,
does this Matsuro have any weak spots? Anyone close?"

  "His mom is dead," Yaki said. "No luck there."

  Cecil smirked. "Noo, are you sure? Maybe she returned as a ghost and
haunts his dreams."

  "You think ssso, Cccecccil?" Kahi hissed.

  The bunny just rolled his eyes. "No, I was being sarcastic. Come on, what
would the odds of something like that happening be?"

  "Keiko would be ideal," Yumeki said, "but since she's the one we're going
for in the first place, it'd be pointless and roundabout to use her for
this."

  Four wide-eyed stares met her.

  "What, can't I be logical and reasonable once in a while too?" She
hmph'ed.

  "Scary..." Mariko shuddered. "Anyway. Keiko is right out. Does he have
more family?"

  Yaki shook her head. "Not that I know of, at least. There's of course...
his friends."

  Kahi narrowed his reptile eyes. "A dangerousss move..."

  "It's probably our best choice," Cecil interjected. "And I told you to
stop that hissing."

  "Oh, PLEASE," Yumeki snorted. "How dangerous can those flakes be?"

  Cecil smacked her with the handle of his knife. "In case you haven't
noticed, you moron, they're our mortal enemies. Only an idiot like you
could fail to see something that obvious, especially since they're not even
concealing their Sailor identities!"

  "Exactly!" Yumeki grinned. "Since they don't know enough subterfuge to
keep their Sailor identities hidden, how dangerous can they REALLY be?"

  More silence and more wide-eyed stares met her.

  "That's... a thought to consider," Kahi managed to say. Mariko edged away
from Yumeki.

  Cecil snickered. "Clever girl. I might be able to make to make a Sailor
out of you yet. So who should we aim for? We'll probably only get one shot,
so..."

  "Aki," Mariko said with determination. "She's connected somehow to
Matsuro. Remember the ordeal we had a few weeks ago?"

  "I don't," Cecil said. "That's before I showed up. So she's his other
girlfriend or something?"

  "If she is," Yumeki grinned, "maybe Yaki still has a chance. He wouldn't
mind a third, would he?"

  This time, carnage DID ensue.

                            **  ***  **                                

  During this whole discussion, the girls had left the window ajar, to let
in some fresh air. The suspicion that there would ever be anyone listening
that far above ground had never entered their heads. Which was sad, given
the circumstances.

  "So you plan to find the Banner, do you, Kahi? Nevermore. Haw, haw,
haw... nevermore."

  The next thing that could be heard was the soft sound of wings beating,
fading into the distance.

                            **  ***  **                                

  Night fell and passed, and the sun rose in the morning, as it usually
did these days. In the Nakao household, Tejina and her sisters were having
breakfast and making preparations for some shopping. Eiji had showed
enough courage to face
the three 'pod people', but he had left early for school.

  "So you're having a date with Sakyou, then?" Hanaki asked.

  "Yeah, later today," Tejina said. She smiled. "It's my first real date,
actually... not counting hanging out with Matsuro and Kireiko." She grinned
wider. "Of course, Sakyou is way cooler than Kireiko."

  "No way!" Hanaki exclaimed. "Kireiko is cooler even when he's..." She
shrank back, a sad expression on her face. "I like him."

  Tejina sighed. "Han, I know that. But that... business is over now.
Besides, aren't you supposed to be the carefree one?"

  Hanaki blinked, twice. "What's that supposed to mean?" She sighed. "I
know, I shouldn't worry so much. Kireiko-kun is safe now, at least if the
Harbringers could be trusted..."

  "They can be trusted," Tejina said with conviction. She hoped it sounded
convincing... she too had her doubts. "I'm one of them, you know."

  "Maybe you're right." The purple-haired girl put up a valiant smile.
"Some shopping might just help me to relax. And I'll go visit Kireiko
afterwards."

  Tejina smiled happily. "That's the spirit! And--" She realized that there
was something missing. Something that for a long time had been present at
all times, and now was gone, leaving a silence louder than the Do-Gooders'
concerts. "Ayame, you're being really quiet today."

  The green-haired expositionist put down her teacup. "Sorry, I've been
thinking a lot about the events that has happened these last days, what
with the cults kidnapping Aki and Kireiko, those three mysterious girls
Matsuro mentioned..." She rambled on. Soon, Tejina idly regretted asking
her. "...and the earthquake destroying half of Tokyo. We just can't
overlook--"

  Hanaki frowned. "Ayame, what are you talking about? There was no
earthquake. That was just the movie we watched last night."

  Look of confusion. "Oh yeah, that's right." She laughed embarrassedly.
"Sorry. But still... and didn't Grandpa Chiang have something to tell you,
Tej?"

  Tejina shrugged. "He'll have to catch me later, then." There was a knock
on the door. "Someone tell me it's not him."

  "It's not him," Hanaki said.

  "Good." Tejina got up and went to the door. A few seconds later, she
returned with Chiang in tow. "Hanaki..."

  "I did what you asked me to, didn't I?" She buttered another piece of
toast. "So what's the big news, Gramps?"

  "I will overlook that comment merely because I have more important things
to tell," the venerable sage who didn't like to be called 'Gramps' said.
"It's about Baron Stagner von Carrlson, and the Kingdom of Obscurity." He
pulled out a chair and sat down. "I should tell this to Sailor Rapture and
Sailor Joy as well, but I want to get this over with before you girls run
off again." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Where to start? Well,
yesterday I visited the Kingdom of Obscurity..."

                            **  ***  **                                

  In the distant prefecture of Aomori, in the northeastern part of Honshuu,
a near-frozen ex-cultist staggered down the road.

  "C-cold... hungry... need shelter... can't believe that goat cut my
power. Ggghh..." He staggered down the dirt road. While the countryside was
incredibly picturesque, it offered little for mysterious men who didn't
dress properly for the cold. Especially not when said person found himself
being cut off from the mystic powers he had been relying on for a long
time. But Wataru would get back to them all - Shubby, Aika, Maeda...
definitely Maeda. He chuckled to himself. "Yes, you'll all pay... for Aki,
if nothing else... I should never have become part of this. Maeda, you
worm... I let you into my organisation and this is my payment? I'll kill
you slowly, I'll... now I'm delirious too. Hnnnh... I must--" He looked up
and realized that for some inexplicable reason, a house had materialized
less than fifty yards in front of him. In fact, he was in the outskirts of
a small town.

  He scratched his head. "How did I manage to miss that? Maybe there's some
benevolent god looking out for this guy for once..." He smiled, despite his
frozen lips. "Not that I'm complaining." He staggered up to the door and
knocked.

  The door swung open, and a girl greeted him. "Yes?"

  Wataru blinked twice. "Hey... you look familiar..." Then his eyes rolled
upwards and he collapsed on the porch.

  Another girl joined the first, and scrutinized Wataru. "You're lucky,
Yuki. I never have cute guys collapse on my porch."

  Yukiko tinysweated. "Shut up and help me get him inside, Rika."

                            **  ***  **                                

  "...and that's what happened," Chiang concluded.

  "So you're saying that the reason Baron Stagner is doing all this is
because his beloved, who looked a lot like Tejina, Becky and Aki combined,
was turned into stone by the combined forces of the other worlds, who
thought it was too dangerous for her to carry the magical jewel, but
actually she was the only one suited for the task of carrying it, as it was
a really powerful artifact, but the others didn't see this and tried to
stop her, and they turned her into stone although they were trying to do
something else, and when it happened a powerful magical spell fell over the
world, 'obscuring' it, and Stagner has been looking for revenge for several
thousand years, and he plans to destroy this world and the DarkVerse to
get revenge?" Ayame asked. "Man, what a freak."

  Hanaki frowned. "Hey, I think it's kinda romantic."

  "Oh, so the total destruction of the world is romantic?" Ayame asked,
grinning.

  "Well, not that bit... but the rest." Hanaki sighed. "The legendary lost
love... so sweet."

  "Legends aside," Tejina said, "where does this put us? What do we have to
do?"

  "Well..." Chiang stood up. Behind him, the sunlight illuminated him in
a really cool way, although it also reflected off his head. "I frankly have
no idea."

  With a collective thud, the three girls facefaulted over the table.

  "But I think it's vitally important that we find the Baron," He
continued, as they picked themselves up. "And soon, before the forces he
has set into motion has gone too far to be stopped..."

  Outside, thunder rumbled from a clear sky.

  "Sounds like a good idea," Tejina said, watching her shopping trip and
date vanish off towards the tall grass. "We'll get right on it when we get
back from the mall, okay?" She stood up and headed for the door, her
sisters following the cue. "See you later!"

  Chiang's brow creased, his face turning into a mask of anger. "Delight!
Don't you know the dangers that will come from this course of action? Think
of the consequences of wasting precious time like this!"

  Tejina stopped and turned, her face set. "Think of the consequences of
wasting a precious shopping trip like this." Then the trio left, the door
slamming shut behind them.

  "...I fail to see the logic in that," he mused. "Nonetheless, now I must
find the other girls."

  A second later, the room was empty.

                            **  ***  **                                

  In another part of town, Aki was on her way over to Keiko's house. With
her was The Unnamed Minion; these days, it seemed like she could never
leave the house without an escort. She thought darkly that she'd have more
respect for them if they at last were more efficient... at least The
Unnamed Minion was somewhat more sane than some of the others. And he was
more inconspicious than the others too; while it was both freaky and
eye-watering to look at a guy who constanly seemed to be out of focus, he
tended to fade into the background when you looked away.

  She decided to try some conversation, since she din't have anything
better to do at the time. "So, what did you work with before?"

  "I beg your pardon, div--" She shot him a glare, and he quickly corrected
his choice of words. "I mean, I beg your pardon, Aki?"

  "What did you do earlier? Before meeting my dad, I mean?"

  "Before..." He shook his head. "That's not a part of my life anymore.
I was born anew the day I met Villyn-sama."

  "Really?" She decided to pry a bit. "But come on, there must be
something. Why don't you want to talk about it?"

  "Well..." He shrugged. "I was a no one then. Nothing special. Just
another face in the crowd."

  "And have you taken a look in a mirror lately?"

  He beamed. "Yes. And I'm proud of what I see."

  Aki rolled her eyes. "Right, whatever. We're here." They walked up the
path and knocked on the door.

  The door swung open with a weak groan, and a creature of the night faced
her. Aki caught her breath as cold eyes bore into her, but it was not the
stare that forced her into submission, nor was it the visage of a onetime
foe - it was the red substance around its mouth, a substance that once had
been a part of a living being.

  "Koohii, you have ketchup on your chin."

  "Oh, sorry." The dragon girl wiped it off. "Hi, Aki-san! You here to see
Keiko?"

  "Yeah." They stepped inside. "So is Keiko really trying to cure you
guys?"

  "Oh, yes!" The orange-haired girl looked like she was about to explode
from happiness. "Keiko-san has been really busy! And here I thought she
didn't like us." She smiled happily, until she realized she was staring
at Aki's neck. She pulled her eyes away and headed upstairs. "I hope she'll
find it soon." 

  "She'd better, or you'll be forced to wear black clothes and really pale
makeup," Aki joked. Mr. Yamanaka passed them on his way down, acknowledging
them with a nod.

  "Really?!" Koohii looked visibly upset. "But that would clash with my
hair, my healthy complexion... that would look horrible!"

  "Koohii, I was kidding," Aki said.

  "Oh." Koohii let out a sigh of relief. Then she giggled. "Although I
think Mermaid would be able to do it... anyway, who's your friend?" She
smiled at The Unnamed Minion, who smiled back (possibly).

  "Oh, this guy? He's one of dad's minions. Dad insists that I have a few
of them around since I get kidnapped all the time." She rolled her eyes and
added, "Not that they help much."

  "I am known as The Unnamed Minion," The Unnamed Minion intoned in his
usual hard-to-place accent. He bowed. "I live to serve the great
Villyn-sama so that he soon will rule the world, and also to protect the
divine Aki-sama."

  "That's nice," Koohii said. "Are you by any chance totally insane?"

  "Not at all." TUM smiled triumphantly, although the effect was mostly
lost. "In fact I and my four friends are the only sane people in the world.
Except for Villyn-sama and his family, of course."

  "I see..." Koohii desperately fought down an urge to laugh out loud.
"And I suppose everyone is out to steal your magic bag."

  "That's ridiculous," he said, scowling imperceptibly. "Why would I have
a magic bag?"

  "...nevermind." [Why does human weirdness continue to surprise me?] She
thought. She knocked on Keiko's door. "Keiko-san, Aki-san is here."

  The door flew open, and the happy/maniacal visage of Keiko was revealed.
"Hi, Aki! Come in, come in." She ushered the girls inside, while The
Unnamed Minion took up guard outside.

  Inside, the room was a nightmarish mess. While most people would say that
was standard for a teenager's room, this was Keiko's room, and was thus
decorated in dark colors, with old books, magickal equipment, pictures of
Matsuro and gothic plushies littering the area. In the corner, Scotch and
Mermaid were going over some music notes.

  "Hi guys," Aki said. The two dragons waved back. "So, Keiko, Koohii said
you were helping them?"

  "That's right!" Keiko beamed, smiling like Matsuro had proposed to her.
"When you practice magic, it's always fun to get a new project."

  "Why do I get the impression that you're not entirely sincere here?" Aki
smirked.

  "Well..." Keiko looked over her shoulder to make sure the dragon trio was
busy, and lowered her voice. "...actually, I'm hoping that once I do this,
they'll move out."

  Aki rolled her eyes. "Keiko..."

  "Hey, you're not the one who has to share a room with them," Keiko
replied.

  Aki shrugged. "Okay, I guess I see your point." She decided not to bring
up the issue of the minions, or the conversation would probably degenerate
into tedious one-uppance. "So how far have you gotten with the vampire
thing?"

  "The vampire... oh, right. I've..." She looked around. "Koohii, where's
the Book of Penultimate Evil? Oh wait, I've found it." She dug out the book
from under a layer of desk-related debris. "Let's see now, where was that
chapter on vampires..." She started paging through the book. "Okay, here it
is. Vampires. While the term originated in Europe--"

  "Keiko?" Aki interrupted. "Please, no history lessons. Have you found
anything relevant?"

  "Oh." Keiko thought for a few seconds. "Well, a few details. Vampires
follow an intricate rank system. They get strength from the ones they
command, and the ones THEY command in turn. And each person they turn into
a vampire comes under their command. You could say it's a kind of pecking
order."

  Aki promptly facefaulted. "That was... probably the WORST pun I've ever
heard."

  "Thank you. Anyway--"

  "Wait a second," Aki interrupted. "Wouldn't that mean they'd be under
the control of that vampire that bit them in the first place?"

  "Not exactly," Keiko replied. "I think your boyfriend had something to do
with that."

  Aki frowned. "I don't have a boyfriend."

  "Hiryuu," Koohii filled in, looking up from her notebook. "We were
resurrected with his blood, and... for some reason it broke the influence."
She shrugged. "Do you know anything about how that works, Keiko-san?"

  Keiko shook her head. "I'm not that familiar with dragon blood... but
it has a lot of magical qualities. It may have been a random effect."

  "So how is that going to help curing Koohii and her friends?" Aki asked.

  "Well..." Keiko leafed through the book again. "There's not much
precedence for it... but the dragons were transformed against their
wills... apparently to become a full vampire, you must accept the 'gift'
as they so nicely put it." She grimaced. "Anyway, and the influence was
mostly broken when... well, we just went over that. So I figured that if we
kill the vampire that bit them, they might return to normal!" She smiled.
"Simple, isn't it?"

  "Sounds too simple if you ask me," Aki commented. "But wait a second.
Didn't you kill the guy already?"

  Keiko shook her head. "Not permanently."

  "Koohii stuck a board through his chest," Aki objected. "Isn't that
permanent enough?"

  Keiko shook her head again. "Not for a vampire, it's not. The dust still
holds life, or whatever you want to call it. Add a drop of blood, and the
vampire is restored."

  "Well, I knew that, but..." She shrugged. "Never mind. So how do you kill
a vampire permanently?"

  "Ah..." Keiko grinned wickedly, a grin that said 'Four words for you:
Write to your parents!'. "I was actually busy mixing up a something I found
in the book." She pointed to a beaker sitting on the burner in the midst of
the equipment. "Get that into the guy, and he's gone forever. And with a
bit of luck, the Dragon Childe will be back to normal." She replayed the
line in her head. "Or something like that."

  "I was wondering where the smell came from..." Aki leaned forward and
took a sniff, then wrinkled her nose. "Eew. What's in it?"

  "Sulphuric acid, holy water, a pinch of sacred earth, three cc's of
monosodiumglutamate, bat extract..." Keiko counted off her fingers. "Wait,
let me find the list..." An eggtimer went off. "Oh, it's complete!" She
took a set of tongs and carefully lifted the beaker off the burner.
"Scotch, bring out the stakes. We have a vampire to kill!"

  The three dragons stood up and grinned fangedly. Scotch produced several
long, solid and pointy stakes from the closet. They quickly pasted the
smelly concoction over the stakes, then took one each. "With these stakes,
we can..." Scotch looked at his two dragon companions. "Dare I say it?"

  "Dare! Dare!" Mermaid prompted, her face an expression of excitement.

  He raised the implement over his head. "...finally be free!"

  "Wai!" Koohii cheered.

  Mermaid looked at the stake in her hands, and bit her lip. "Guys... that
means these things can kill us too..."

  The trio exchanged looks. Then they looked at Keiko.

  Keiko frowned, and looked slightly indignant. "What, you don't trust me?"

  They glanced at each other again. Then Koohii handed her another stake,
and smiled. "Let's go."

  Keiko handed the last stake to Aki, but she declined. "I didn't really
plan to spend the weekend hunting vampires... do you mind if I stay out of
this?"

  Keiko looked a bit surprised - apparently she thought that everyone else
was as excited about the deal as she was. "Well, if you want..." She
smiled. "I'll call you later and tell you all about it, okay?"

  Aki smiled lightly. "Sounds fun. Catch you later, then?"

  "Later. Let's go!" The quartet stormed out the door. "Mom, we're off to
kill a vampire!" Then the front door slammed shut.

  "My friend, the Vampire Slayer," Aki sighed. Since there was no point in
staying in the house now, she left.

  The Unseen Minion materialised by her side. "Leaving already, Aki-sama?"
he asked.

  She shrugged. "Keiko had other things to do. Let's go home." They walked
outside, only pausing to wave goodbye to Keiko's parents. As she rounded
the hedge, another person came from the other direction, crashing into her
and sending her flying. "OOF! Hey, what's the... Hiryuu?"

  Hiryuu blinked, having been taken by surprise as much as she had,
although he had retained his footing. "Aki? Oh, I'm sorry... here, let me
help you up." He held out his hand. She took it and got to her feet.

  She brushed herself off. "What are you doing here, Hiryuu?"

  He shrugged. "Just strolling around, but now that I've found you..."

  Here it comes, Aki thought.

  "...would you like to go on a date?"

  A 'no' formed in Aki's head, but halted just before she voiced it. It's
not as if I have anything else to do today... and he is kinda nice in an
annoying way... can't hurt to try once... 

  "Okay."

  He blinked twice. "Really?"

  "Yes, why not?" She smirked. "But you'd better not try anything, or I'll
tell my dad."

  Recalling the knight-like apparition that was Aki's dad, Hiryuu tried not
to look uncomfortable. "No problem at all. But what about your, uh,
friend?" He indicated The Unnamed Minion.

  "Oh." She turned to The Unnamed Minion. "Minion, I'm going on a date. You
can go home now."

  He shook his head. "No, Villyn-sama commanded me to watch over you. I
cannot fail Villyn-sama."

  She sighed. "Perfect... look, I'm commanding you to go home now. You
don't want to fail me, do you?"

  "But, but..." The Unnamed Minion stammered. "What about the dangers..."

  "I can take care of myself, okay? Besides, Hiryuu will protect me." She
elbowed Hiryuu lightly. "Won't you, Hiryuu?"

  "What? Oh, yeah. Don't worry, Mr. Minion. No harm will come to Aki as
long as I'm around." He sounded uncharacteristically serious when he said
the last bit.

  "Well..." The Unnamed Minion rubbed his hands nervously. He might have
looked nervous as well, but we'll never know. "...if it is your wish,
Aki-sama... I suppose I'll leave you alone, then... have fun." He turned
and ambled off.

  "Fun guy," Hiryuu mused. "Why is he called 'Minion'?"

  "Long story," Aki replied. "So where do you want to go?"

  He thought for a few seconds. "You know, I have no idea. Where do you
want to go?"

  "Well..."

                            **  ***  **                                

  As the two teenagers vanished out of sight, The Unnamed Minion stopped,
and chuckled softly. "Don't worry, Divine Aki-sama. By my honor, I'll
protect you even though you don't know it! Your date will be PERFECT!"

  Stealthily, he turned and walked after the pair, careful to remain
unnoticed.

  "No one can say this minion would fail the great Villyn-sama..."

                            **  ***  **                                

  Meanwhile, deep under the city...

  Cthulhu cupped his chin with a tentacle, deep in thought. "SO THAT'S
WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING THE LAST WEEKS, WORM?"

  "that is correct, oh Great Cthulhu," the Deep One formerly known as His
Eminence said. He trembled visibly, but so would anyone in the presence of
an Elder One. "we have gathered followers for your cause, waged war upon
your enemies--"

  "THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG."

  "great master, I--"

  "SILENCE, LOWLY FLESHBAG. WHAT GAVE YOU THE IDEA TO ATTACK
SHUB-NIGGURATH'S STRONGHOLD WITH SUCH A PATHETIC FORCE?"

  "ah, but maynard insisted--"

  "FOOLS. SHUB-NIGGURATH WILL FALL BY MY HAND... BUT FIRST WE MUST GATHER
FORCES IN ABUNDANCE. GO, AND CALL FORTH THOSE THAT WILL SERVE ME. DO NOT
HESITATE TO DRAW UPON MY MIGHT FOR THIS TASK." He gestured towards the two
cultists who had carried the former cult leader into the room. "TAKE HIM
BACK TO HIS POOL. THEN LEAVE ME ALONE."

  "Y-yes, Great Cthulhu," The cultists stammered, rushing out with the
Deep One. The door slammed shut behind them.

  "FINALLY ALONE," Cthulhu muttered, tilting back his twisted face. "THOSE
FOOLS... WHAT DO THEY THINK THEY CAN GAIN FROM SERVING ME? ONCE I MANIFEST
FULLY... THIS WORLD WILL BE AS DUST." He chuckled horribly. "STILL, THEY
*ARE* USEFUL..."

  In his underground lair, the avatar of Cthulhu laughed. 

                            **  ***  **                                

  Meanwhile, Kireiko was having a guest. As said guest was not female, he
wasn't too happy. Deciding to take a hands-on approach, the White
Tiger of the West and Wind was paying his main champion a visit, now that
he was rid of Cthulhu. Actually, Byakko felt a bit disappointed, as he had
planned a few ways to give the Elder One some proper payback (just because
you're a god doesn't mean you can't be overconfident). But for the time
being, he'd settle for getting his wayward champion back on track. A task
that was proving more difficult than he had first imagined.

  "Let's go over this again. You're saying I'm your 'Champion', and I'm
supposed to fight for you?"

  "That's correct," Byakko said, idly wondering why some people had to
repeat everything he said. 

  "And you are... Byakko, the white tiger of... watertowers and--"

  "The West and Wind," Byakko corrected.

  "And you're fighting against four other gods. Only you're not fighting
directly, you're all using your champions."

  "That is correct, Kireiko." Byakko nodded. Yes, there was some promise
for the boy yet.

  "Well, 'go have sex with your mother'."

  Byakko blinked. "What?"

  "I said, 'go have sex with your mother'." Kireiko frowned at the
bishounen god. "My friend Tejina is a member of one of the other sides, and
I'm not going to fight her. No way. Who do you think you are, going around
and using people like this?"

  "I am Byakko, the white tiger of West and Wind," Byakko growled, fighting
down an urge to annihilate the boy before him. [Remember, you need him.]
With an intimidating voice, he continued, "And you do not question the
motives of a god."

  Kireiko snorted. "You don't impress me, mister."

  Byakko grinned. "So you want impressive? Very well." He took a step back,
and smiled. Extending his arms to the sides, his body seemed to shimmer,
then expand and alter. His suit melted away into black and white striped
fur, and his facial features shifted, settling into bestial forms. Within
seconds, a huge tiger occupied the room. He let out an earshattering roar.

  "..." For a few seconds, Kireiko was stunned. Then he grinned.
"'Kickass'! How did you do that?"

  [Hmm...] The god grinned again, now with more teeth. "Well, maybe I could
show you..."

  "Cool!" Kireiko suddenly looked dubious. "Wait a sec. '...but only if you
join me', right?"

  "That's up to you." Byakko shrugged. "Of course, we have many enemies...
the other sides have champions as well. Sure, none of them are as great as
your side, but still... a lot of bad guys to beat up..." By now, his voice
was as sweet as treacle.

  "I think--" Kireiko began. Sadly he didn't say what he thought, as at
that second the window shattered and two red-white shapes landed on him.

  "Ha! Got you now, demon!" Jinko exclaimed.

  Junko looked up. "Jinko, there's a huge tiger here."

  "Ah, spectacular timing," Byakko said. "Kireiko, meet your teammates."

  "WHAT?!"

                            **  ***  **                                

  Outside the Villyn household, there were several large bushes. They were
a very common occurrence.

  Inside the bushes, there were three Sailors. They were not a common
occurrence.

  "This is really uncomfortable," Yumeki complained.

  "Shut up," Mariko retorted.

  "Are you sure this girl Aki isn't inside after all?" Yaki suggested.

  "Patienccce," Kahi hissed. "Onccce ssshe returnsss, we will capture her
easssily. Be patient."

  Yumeki shifted uncomfortably. "This is REALLY uncomfortable."

  *snikt* "Shut up or I'll show you uncomfortable."

                            **  ***  **                                

  Inside the house, Queen Charity was having tea with a rather... uncommon
visitor.

  "I must say, this is rather interesting news," she said. "Especially
considering the way the tables have turned these last days."

  "I can but agree, my Queen," the visitor said. "But the old days are
past. Times change, whether we want it or not." He sipped his tea.
"Speaking of which, don't you think our friends outside have stewed long
enough?"

  "You may be right." She put down her cup. "Ready for our dramatic
appearance, Mr. Allan?"

  "Please, my Queen, call me Edgar." With a few wing beatings, he took to
the air.

                            **  ***  **                                

WHAT WILL THIS LEAD TO? WILL THIS DRASTICALLY CHANGE KAHI'S PLANS? WILL
KIREIKO TEAM UP WITH THE YEN PRIESTESSES, OR WILL AN OFUDA CARNAGE
COMMENCE? WILL HE FIGHT TEJINA? WILL SHE FIGHT HIM? WILL THEY HAVE A
RIVALRY OVER MATSURO FOR A CHANGE? IS YUMEKI REALLY ACTING ODD, OR IS IT
A SCAM? WILL TEJINA'S DATE WORK OUT PROPERLY, OR WILL IT MESS UP? WILL THE
SHOPPING TRIP BE NICE? ANY GOOD SALES? WAS TOKYO REALLY DESTROYED IN AN
EARTHQUAKE? WILL AKI'S DATE WORK OUT? WHAT WILL WATARU DO? WHAT IS STAGNER
UP TO? IS IT ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING? WHERE'S BECKY, BY THE WAY? AND WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE ADVISOR ANIMALS? IS THE TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD
REALLY ROMANTIC? CAN YOU BREAK A BOARD IN AN EMPTY ROOM? WHAT IS CTHULHU
UP TO? AND WHAT ABOUT SCARECROW'S BRAIN?

  I have frankly no idea whatsoever, but maybe ImproFanfic's official
overachiever (I hope that's not an insult), Kate Malloy, can come up with
a few answers. Let's give her a hand, folks! No, put down that... geez,
you're spilling blood all over the place...


Author's caffeine tab: Fifteen litres of Coke was consumed during the
production of this fanfic. Extreeeeme...

Author's notes: 

  Anxiety. Exhaustion. Depression. Frustration. Insomnia. These things and
more have dogged me during the writing of this episode. Yet, it makes me
feel even more proud of writing it. Weird, no? Or maybe not.

  I've written for this fic ever since the early stages (okay, so I didn't
get in before #9... it was a long queue), and it's been a long, fun ride...
but everything fun must end some day (I once said that the Sailor arc could
restart around episode #120... yes, call me naive). Now I shall have to
*gasp!* write for another fic. Ah, life...

  Thanks must go to my prereaders: Philip Barkow, Mervyn the Wonder Slug,
and your friend and mine from down under, Steven Scougall (whose number of
DG eps nearly rival mine - seven, and still one approaching). You've been
a great support, guys. Also, thanks go to all the fun and odd individuals
who have written episodes of Do-Gooders, be they good or be they bad. We've
made a legend, ladies and gentlemen. Kudos.

  Bonus: The odd sentence in the title is an acronym... try to figure it
out. Thanks to Philip Barkow for suggesting it.


  Life goes on, and tomorrow new fics await us. Be well, and send comments
to: a99jonst@ida.his.se


  Catch you on the flip side! See ya! ^_^

  *  *  *